Burning Dawn (Angels of the Dark #3)(44)
Author: Gena Showalter

The vampires at his door noticed her departure, but they didn’t comment, or try to grab her.

As she turned a corner, both relieved to have escaped detection and saddened by the abrupt end to such a sweet encounter, Adrian stepped from the shadows to follow her.

She wanted to drill him about Thane. What did he know about the male and his previous lovers? How long had they worked together? But she held her tongue. She didn’t deserve answers. The hurt in Thane’s eyes as she’d dressed… He’d looked as if she’d stabbed him.

I hurt him, my closest friend, and I’m not sure how.

Closest friend. The words echoed in her mind. Yeah. He was, she realized. He always came to her rescue. He always listened to her stories about her past and wanted to know more. He cared about her well-being. Just like she cared about his. She trusted him.

Just not with her origins.

Ugh. What a mess.

Her new clothes had been delivered, at least. Multiple boxes were piled on and around her bed. Sighing, she changed into a tank and shorts as quickly as possible and tucked Thane’s robe under her pillow. She wasn’t in the mood to answer questions about what had just happened.

First, she had to get things straight in her head.

What was clear: she’d discarded her make-it-hurt-so-the-cravings-will-stop-and-the-guilt-will-ease plan. Hadn’t even given it a thought. She’d offered herself to Thane without reservation. He’d accepted. They’d gotten down and dirty without actually having sex. It had been a-maz-ing.

But now, without the haze of pleasure driving her, the guilt was worse.

She hadn’t waited for love this time. Hadn’t made Thane wait for marriage the way she’d made Bay wait, and Bay had worshipped her. To Thane, she was just a passing fancy. If that. And then, to add insult to injury, Bay hadn’t even been her first thought when she’d come down from her mind-blowing orgasm. He’d been third.

First, she’d been wishing for a second go-round.

Second, fear had come. The more excited the Sent One had made her, the hotter she’d grown. Literally. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before, but she’d known the reason for it. Her Phoenix side.

What would happen when Thane realized the truth about her? Would he hate her? Yes. Stake her? Maybe. Kick her out? Definitely.

And, until then, what about his sexual needs?

Needs change, he’d said, and maybe his had—for the moment. But what about later on? Would he want to hurt her for pleasure?

She shuddered. After the miracle of tub time, she didn’t want to deal with whips and chains. She didn’t want to compare her time with Thane to her time with the Phoenix, whether the treatment would alleviate her guilt or not.

No matter what way I look at this, he’s not good for me. I should just stay away from him.

Well, that wouldn’t be a problem, she was sure. At this point, he wanted nothing to do with her, guaranteed. After she’d thanked him for the happy ending, the hurt had left his eyes, leaving them cold, blank. His lips had thinned, and the muscles in his jaw had tightened.

It was an expression he’d shown to Kendra—just before he’d killed her. Did I make him feel like a discarded he-slut?

Disheartened, she made her way to the gym for dodge-boulder practice. She couldn’t afford to miss another one.

Last time, the girls had tried to drill into her head the fact that she needed to aim low whenever she threw a stone. If she ever threw one. Not so low the intended victim could jump up and avoid being smacked, but just low enough that the missile couldn’t be caught.

“—he really did,” Savy was saying as she stretched to the left, then the right.

“What the eff! You lie,” Chanel replied, bending down to touch her toes.

“I’ll give you my favorite shifter pelt if I am, and you’ll give me yours if I’m not. Deal?” Savy spotted Elin and grinned slowly.

Chanel rubbed her hands together. “Deal,” she said. Then, noticing Elin, she added, “Settle a bet for us, Bonka. Thane flew into the city to get you while you were having a meltdown, then carried you away in his arms. Yes or no.”

Cue the embarrassment. Cheeks heating, she said, “Yes. But—”

A grinning, whooping Savy fist-pumped the air, cutting her off, and Chanel cursed.

The bet was about her. Great. “He was only there because the Phoenix king showed up,” Elin added with gritted teeth. “You know how much he hates the Phoenix.” Bitter finish, Vale. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

The girls shared a look loaded with mirth.

“Oh, that’s why?” Chanel said, her tone sly. “So, when he got there, he didn’t go straight to you? He hunted the Phoenix king and put a stake through his effing heart?”

“Well, no, but I was screaming and drawing all kinds of unwanted attention and he—”

“Knocked you out to make you quit it,” Savy said, just as sly. “Like he would have done to anyone else. Like I’ve seen him do to others.”

“No.” He tenderly cared for me, and gave me an earth-shattering orgasm. “What are you guys trying to say?” And was that hope dripping from her words? Was she trying to drive them into saying Thane thought she was special?

What could she do if they did? He’d just kicked her out of his bathroom.

Yeah, and you’d just pulled a bang and bail, rushing to get away from him the moment you got your some-some.

Yeah. He’d felt like a discarded he-slut.

Shame and regret curdled in her stomach. Emotions that had nothing to do with Bay. She owed Thane an apology. Big-time.

“You are too effing adorable for words, Bonka Donk.” Chanel said, patting her on the cheek. “No wonder Thane wants a slice of you.”

Well, he’d already gotten a slice. Body and, it seemed, soul.

* * *

THANE, BJORN AND XERXES stalked to the roof of the club and in unison shot into the brilliant afternoon sky.

Thane’s wings glided up and down with an ease he didn’t feel. The farther he flew from the club—from Elin—the tenser he became. Soon he would have to let her go, and he knew it. The more time he spent with her, the more he would want her, need her, have to have her. But he couldn’t have her. Even if she stripped and climbed into his lap, he would never forget her shame. And over what? A few kisses? A wanton touch? A climax that had—what? Delighted every cell in her body? Betrayed her husband?

That one, he thought, the muscles in his back jerking. If not fully, at least in part. She had loved the man so much, she had vowed to stay true to him. And she had—until Thane. What if her shame had been self-directed?