Captive (The Blackcoat Rebellion #2)(52)
Author: Aimee Carter

“Two percent,” I said. “Benjy told me that once.”

“Yes, two percent. Yet they’re the ones dictating what everyone else’s lives are going to be. It goes against basic human rights. Everyone should have freedom and choice, and that’s what we’re going to restore first and foremost. It won’t be an immediate change. We can’t have one, not without throwing the country into chaos all over again and creating an opening for another form of government that will only repress the people even more. Change and reform have to come from within, and I plan on helping it along.”

“So that’s it,” I said. “You’re going to be the Prime Minister.”

“Celia, more than likely,” he corrected. “If she’s stable enough for it. If not, then we’ll talk to Greyson. See if he’s willing to take the lead.”

“He won’t be.” I touched the glass over his face in the picture. “Not everyone wants to rule the world.”

“But everyone wants to live in their perfect version of it.”

I was quiet for a long moment. “If someone from the future came here tonight and told you that the only way for the rebellion to succeed was to kill me and Benjy, would you do it?”

“Yes,” said Knox without hesitating. I snorted. Somehow I wasn’t surprised.

“Would you bother to think about it at all? Even for a second?”

He shook his head. “I would hate doing it, and I would carry the burden of guilt for the rest of my life. But if it meant freedom and choice for every single person in this country, then I would. And you would let me.”

“Would I?” I said coolly.

“Yes. Because no matter who you pretend to be, you’re Kitty Doe. You put your life on the line again and again to protect the people you love, and you would never let millions die just so you could live.”

Seconds passed, and I was silent. He was right. In the end, everything was temporary, and a few more decades of breathing was nothing compared to a future where no one’s worth would be decided by a number on the back of their neck.

“Would you kill yourself?” I said. “If you knew it would make the rebellion succeed, would you put a gun to your head and pull the trigger?”

He exhaled and raked his hand through his hair. “I ask myself that every night. And every night I remember that death is inevitable for all of us. The only thing that really matters in the end is how we choose to live.”

Knox reached for the frame, but instead of taking it from me, he touched the switch on the back until Greyson and Lila melted away, and Benjy and I filled the screen.

“I don’t expect you to ever trust me again, Kitty. I don’t expect you to say a word to me once this is over one way or the other. But I see what being Lila puts you through day after day. I see your courage. I see your sacrifice. And I see you when I look at your face—not her. Not anymore.” He set his hand on my arm. “You’re not alone. You’ve never been alone, and I’m immensely grateful for all you’ve gone through to help us. I should have said it more before. But since I can’t go back, just like no one is coming from the future to tell us what to do, I’m going to say it now. Thank you.”

A lump formed in my throat, and I nodded tersely. Anything more and I would break down, and I’d done enough of that today to last me a lifetime.

I would never trust him again, and when this was over, Benjy and I would disappear inside our future together, and Knox would be nothing but a memory we never talked about. But right now, in a place full of people who would have been happy to watch us burn, he was my only real ally. And I suspected I was his.

“Can I keep this?” I said, staring at Benjy’s face.

“I brought it here for you.” Knox cleared his throat. “Kitty, I need you to promise me you won’t try to find those codes tonight. If you’re caught—”

“There’s nothing you can do or say that will save me from the Mercers. I know.” I looked at him—really looked at him for the first time since I’d arrived Elsewhere. Our eyes met, his so dark they appeared to have no irises at all, and I smiled faintly. “But it’s not the dying that matters, remember? It’s how we choose to live.”

“I mean it,” he said, frowning. “Everyone here still thinks you’re Lila Hart. You can help us in a way no one else can, and I need to know you’re safe. That’s why I brought you here in the first place.”

“Directly into the line of fire? How thoughtful of you.”

“To a place where I can protect you. The war isn’t over, Kitty. It hasn’t even begun. And when it does, the Blackcoats are going to need you. Benjy’s going to need you, Celia’s going to need you—I’m going to need you. Promise me you won’t try to find those codes.”

I scowled. “Fine. I promise.”

Knox eyed me as if he didn’t believe me, and I held his stare, silently daring him to challenge me. At last he relented. “All right. Come on, back to your room. Unless—”

“I am not sleeping in here with you,” I said. Even the Augusta Suite was better than that. I stood, taking the blanket with me. “Good night, Knox.”

“Good night, Kitty.”

He followed me to the door, but he stayed there as I trekked back down the hallway. Now that I’d had time to compose myself, I slipped into my room without any fluttering panic. Augusta had lived her life, and she’d made her choices. I wouldn’t let her ghost haunt me when I knew I was doing the right thing.

I sat on the soft bed for hours, staring at the picture of Benjy and replaying the memory of that afternoon in my head over and over again, until I could feel the weight of his arms around me and the warmth of his breath tickling my cheek. It wouldn’t be the last time he held me. And if for no other reason than that, I knew I was doing the right thing. For Benjy, for our future, for the happiness we both deserved. Now that I had him back, I wasn’t going to lose him again, and if the Blackcoats failed, that was exactly what would happen.

Scotia and Knox had had their chance to get the codes. Now it was my turn.

When the clock struck two in the morning, I slipped out of the bedroom and crept down the hall. I paused in front of Knox’s room, listening for any sign he was awake, but I heard nothing. Relieved, I headed to the grand staircase, taking two at a time. Once again I paused at the bottom, waiting for a cough or soft footsteps to indicate I wasn’t alone.