Carnal Secrets (The Phoenix Pack #3)(45)
Author: Suzanne Wright

“Shay? What are you doing here?” Of course Nick had picked up her scent, but as he’d fallen asleep with the scent of her and of her arousal on his hand, it hadn’t occurred to him that she was there.

A sigh of utter relief left her—he’d called her Shay, which meant his anger had lessened to some degree and he hadn’t frozen her out. Also, although he sounded startled to see her, his tone wasn’t unwelcoming. “Why didn’t you tell me about the headaches?”

Confused, Nick began, “How did you—” Quickly understanding, he sighed. “Derren.” Discomfort rolled through him as he wondered just how much Derren had told her. “I get headaches at times of stress.” He shrugged as if it was nothing. That clearly annoyed her.

“Don’t bother trying to play it down in that typical alpha male way. Derren told me how bad and frequent they are.”

Wanting to leave this topic of conversation, he said, “We’ll talk about it later. Come on, I need to get you to work before you’re late.”

“I’m not going to work.” She cleared her throat. “I came here to speak to you.” When he simply looked at her blankly, she added, “I wanted to apologize.”

Nick felt his brows fly up. It wasn’t just her words that had surprised him; it was the guilt and concern on her face. “Apologize for what?”

“Last night. And for trampling over your feelings and pride during the past three weeks. I can’t say I’m sorry for telling you to leave and for being reluctant to believe the things you said. When you didn’t claim me, it devastated me. Then I built you up to be this big, bad prick in my head…so when you started doing nice stuff and making a real effort, it didn’t fit with the image I’d had of you—an image that had made it possible for me to try to hate you. I convinced myself you were fake and full of shit. I tried to keep you at a distance. But you made it impossible, you ass**le.”

He slowly went to her and tucked a curl behind her ear. “I’m not sorry that my efforts are paying off. But I am sorry that I hurt you.”

“If it’s been so simple for you to step down from Alpha, you would have done it back then. There has to be more to it.” An emotion she didn’t recognize flickered across his face. “There is more, isn’t there?”

It was at times like this that he wished his mate wasn’t so perceptive. “Sit down,” he told her gently, gesturing to the sofa. Without invading her personal space, he sat beside her and twisted so that he was facing her; she mirrored the move. Moment of truth. After a long moment, he began. “I was five when my wolf surfaced for the first time.”

Completely taken aback, Shaya gaped. “Five? But…why did your wolf surface that early?”

“There was a car accident. Only my parents and I were there. My dad died instantly. My mom was unconscious, but someone in a passing car stopped and managed to drag her out. That was when the car went up in flames. I was trapped in the rear passenger seat, and I couldn’t get out. My wolf panicked, just as I did. But I’d hit my head really hard—everything was blurry, and my limbs felt heavy—so I wasn’t putting up as much of a fight to get out as I otherwise would have done. So my wolf burst to the surface in an effort to protect me. Then he squeezed through the gap in the seats and got out through my mom’s door, jumping through the flames. He’s had a thing about fire ever since.”

Too shocked to speak, Shaya just stared at him. As his eyes took on a faraway quality, Shaya knew he was back there, seeing those flames surrounding him all over again. Wanting to bring him to the present again, she said, “Nick?”

His gaze snapped to her. “You’ve heard of shifters whose animals have surfaced early before, right?”

She nodded. “I don’t know any. But I’ve heard that it can happen.”

“Do you know what happens to them in later life?”

At his hard tone, a blast of cold traveled down her spine. “What?”

“Healers aren’t sure why it happens, though they speculate that it’s because the body and the mind were forced to deal with changes they weren’t ready for at a young age and that those changes put too much of a strain on them. It causes the cognitive functions to degenerate later on. When I found you, I was having healing sessions to try to fight it. The sessions worked. But I had that fear that the improvement was only temporary. I didn’t want you to be my caregiver. It didn’t feel fair to claim you and then have you burdened with someone you had to take care of—a patient instead of a mate.”

There was almost a click in Shaya’s head as everything he’d done or said since they first found each other fell into place for her. She finally understood. But…“Nick, you’re a f**king idiot.” There was no anger or harshness, just pure and utter exasperation. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this in the beginning?”

“You would have insisted on sticking by me.”

“And you wouldn’t have done the same if the situation was reversed? Don’t dare tell me that that’s different! It’s not! You should have told me! You should have given me the choice to stand by you, to be there for you!”

“When I found you and realized I couldn’t claim you without endangering you, it seemed…fitting. It made sense that I wouldn’t be allowed to have my mate, considering the shit I’ve done and not regretted. And you’re so damn sweet and perfect, whereas me…I have more coldness in me than I care to admit.”

“You still should have told me! Why in God’s name didn’t you mention this to me three weeks ago?” To think how much of a bitch she had been to him when all he’d been trying to do by not claiming her was, in his own warped way, protect her.

“I didn’t want a chance out of pity. I wanted it because I’d earned it.”

Dominant males and their pride. “You still shouldn’t have kept this from me.”

“And you don’t have your secrets? Don’t think I don’t know that you’re keeping things from me, Shay. You have a huge issue with being alone. I haven’t pressed you about it because I didn’t feel I had a right to when I was keeping things from you. But I’d say it’s only fair that you tell me.”

“I don’t like talking about it.”

The ache in her voice made Nick’s hackles rise. “I don’t like talking about what happened that day in the woods…but I told you when you asked.”