Carnal Secrets (The Phoenix Pack #3)(74)
Author: Suzanne Wright

Derren waved a dismissive hand, all reassurance. “We’re all aware of that.”

If Shaya hadn’t known about Derren’s plan to make Nick into his Alpha, she would have bought that act. She wasn’t yet sure whether she wanted the plan to be successful or not. On the one hand, being an Alpha was natural to Nick and would make his wolf content. On the other hand, Nick had been loaded with responsibilities for a very long time. If he wanted a breather, he deserved one.

While the others continued discussing the extremists, Nick turned her in his arms and brushed her hair from her face. “You’re thinking very hard about something.”

“Just wondering what to do about the house. I mean, are we going back to California for good?”

Pursing his lips, Nick shrugged. “That’s up to you.” He had never felt bonded to any particular place—not even to the land where he’d once been Alpha. As such, neither he nor his wolf was being tugged in a direction other than Shaya.

“No, it’s up to both of us.” If the idiot wasn’t making decisions for her, he was handing them completely over to her—unreal. It struck her then that being a partnership was uncharted territory for Nick. As Alpha, he’d been used to making decisions alone and putting what everybody else needed before himself. She didn’t want him always putting her needs first. A relationship was about finding middle ground. “It has to be something that works for us both.”

“I know that, baby, but I don’t see the point in being fussy about something that means more to you than it does to me. I don’t feel drawn to any particular place. Maybe you do.”

“Actually, no. I’ve always wanted to travel. My dad used to tell me stories of all the places he’d been, and I’d always wanted to see them when I was old enough to go traveling.”

“Then maybe you’ll be happy to finally learn what the job you’ve applied for is.”

“Go on.”

“Dean Middleton is soon retiring from his position as one of the wolf shifter mediators. If you want the job, it’ll mean you’ll need to travel a lot.” In Nick’s opinion, no position would suit her better.

Shaya could only gawk. Then she was smiling widely and wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you!” It was, in fact, a job she would love.

“Dean’s contract doesn’t run out for another four weeks,” he told her when she released him, “so you have time to still go through the interview process. I’m confident they’ll adore you and decide you’re best for the job.”

Clearly Shaya’s delight had caught Taryn’s and Derren’s attention, because they both appeared. “What’s going on?” asked Taryn.

Excited, Shaya told them. “I would love it.” And it would give her a sense of purpose—another thing she would enjoy having. Grateful, she snuggled against Nick.

Taryn nodded approvingly at Nick. “Good call, Axton. I actually wouldn’t have thought of that, and I’ve known her for forever.”

“What kind of mate would I be if I didn’t know her inside out?” Nick dropped a kiss on Shaya’s head.

“An Alpha female as a mediator,” drawled Taryn. “Even better.”

Nick shook his head in exasperation. “How many times do I have to say it? I’m not starting a pack. You’re almost as bad as…” Nick stopped, frowning. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed, but the name of the guy he was talking about, the guy in front of him who he had known for a long time, wouldn’t come out. It wouldn’t come out, because he couldn’t remember it. He reached for it again and again, feeling like it was on the tip of his tongue…but it didn’t come. His wolf growled and instantly began pacing, knowing this wasn’t good.

Shaya frowned in confusion, unsure what was wrong. “Hey, you okay?” Nick looked at her, but he didn’t answer. He seemed to be struggling with something. Totally baffled, she turned to Derren and raised a questioning brow. The guy was pale. What the hell was going on? “Nick, what is it?”

Nick shook himself out of it, determined to hide his panic from Shaya. How could he not panic? The memory lapse was a too-familiar feeling—a sign that his cognitive functions were again degenerating. That could only mean one thing…a thing he had dreaded and feared and hoped would never happen. And there was really only one thing he could do if he wanted his mate—the only thing that mattered to him—to live a full, happy life: leave that life.

His wolf didn’t agree with Nick’s decision, as the animal was too elemental in his way of thinking. Shaya was his mate, she was his, and so Nick must claim her—things were really that simple to his wolf. As such, he was raging with Nick for his decision to leave, pacing, growling, tearing into Nick with his claws. But Nick ignored his protests. This wasn’t something he would budge on, no matter how much it enraged his wolf, or how much it would hurt them both to do it.

Forcing a smile for Shaya, Nick kissed her gently on the mouth, wishing he could deepen it, take his time, and enjoy this one last taste of her. But his Shaya wasn’t stupid; she would know something was wrong, would sense the desperation in that kiss. Worse, she would insist that he stay, would demand that they face this together because that was who she was. So f**king brave and with such a big heart and a stubborn will.

He didn’t want her to one day find herself looking into the eyes of a person she had mated with and seeing nothing of that person there. He didn’t want her to spend her life without someone being there for her, loving her, and caring for her. She had already lost her twin, had been through enough. She needed and deserved to have somebody who could take of her, not for it to be the other way around.

“I just remembered I haven’t let Bruce out of the motor home for some air today.” Most likely because he was uncomfortable being in a house full of strange shifters, Bruce preferred to stay in the motor home most of the time. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he added, running his finger from her temple to her jawline, needing to touch her, needing that contact…and bracing himself to give it up.

Suspicious and, for a reason she wasn’t sure of, suddenly anxious, Shaya nonetheless nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He took one last moment to drink in the sight of her, drink in every single detail of her face, despite that each one was already committed to memory—a memory that would disintegrate until it eventually didn’t include her. The idea of that was enough to put a lump in his throat.