Carnal Secrets (The Phoenix Pack #3)(75)
Author: Suzanne Wright

Ignoring his wolf’s raging, Nick forced another smile for her and then strolled out of the house. It hurt to do it. Hurt to do the one thing he’d sworn to her that he’d never do. Hurt to know he’d never again see her, never again hear her laugh, and never again experience the calm that only she gave him. But he’d do it for her. And it was for her, though he doubted she’d see it that way.

He hadn’t been inside the motor home for more than five seconds when Derren abruptly barged in. “What are you doing?”

Nick threw Derren an impatient look. At least he could remember his name again. “Is that a serious question?”

“I thought you didn’t want to leave her.”

“I don’t. But I won’t f**k up her life.”

“Don’t you think Shaya gets some say in this? Or don’t you think you owe it to her to at least consult another healer?”

“If a healer as strong as Amber can’t help, no one can. And you know it.”

Derren bowed his head, inhaling deeply. When he looked up again, there was pain in his expression. “If you run, you’ll lose her forever, Nick. She’ll never forgive you.”

“I’d rather she hated me than for her to watch me slowly become someone I’m not, become her patient. That’s not a mate.” And at least this way, she would remember him as he was. “The upside of leaving is that I’ll lead Logan away from her. No doubt some of his followers are still watching from a distance. They’ll see me leaving.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Nick shook his head. “No.”

A snort. “Surely you’ve learned by now that arguing with me over this gets you nowhere.”

“I want you to stay with her,” he said through his teeth. “I want to be sure that she’s safe.” He trusted Derren with her.

Arching a daring brow, Derren folded his arms across his chest. “If you want to be sure she’s safe, stay.”

Son of a bitch. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m your friend, and I don’t want you to make a mistake you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”

Nick snickered. “How could I regret anything when I probably won’t even remember her after six years or so? It would hurt her to see that happen.”

“So you’re going to cut and run?”

Hearing the new voice—a female voice filled with hurt, betrayal, and fury—Nick squeezed his eyes shut. He’d been so wrapped up in his own panic that he hadn’t sensed her come in.

Shaya advanced toward them, arms folded. It hadn’t taken a genius to work out that something was seriously wrong, particularly when Derren had dashed out after Nick. So she’d followed and remained outside the motor home, eavesdropping on the conversation between the two males. A part of her was hurting for Nick, sympathized with him, and even understood why he had made this decision and why he believed this was his only choice. But the other part of her was too torn up and felt too betrayed to give a flying f**k—he was her mate, he’d sworn that he wouldn’t abandon her again, and now he was going back on his word. Her wolf wasn’t angry; she was too busy freaking the f**k out, panicky and anxious.

Without moving her eyes from Nick, she gritted out, “Derren, leave.”

The authority in her voice made Nick’s wolf stop in his pacing, surprised. Even more surprising, Derren’s wolf didn’t appear to have bristled at a command coming from a submissive wolf. Nor did Derren; he coaxed Bruce to follow him out of the motor home and closed the door behind them…leaving Nick alone with a totally pissed-off female wolf who looked ready to bloody him—again.

Shaya smiled bitterly. “Here you are again making decisions for both of us, deciding what’s ‘best’ for me and leaving me, all in the name of that.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t do the same if the situation was reversed?”

Okay, yeah, she probably would, but while she was hurting this badly, she wasn’t concerned with being fair. “If I want to be here for you and stick by you through all this, then that is my choice.”

His face hardened. “I’m supposed to protect you, Shay. I’m supposed to protect you, care for you, and be a pillar of strength for you. It shouldn’t be the other f**king way around.”

A snicker. “Sounds like pride talking to me.”

Yes, his pride was taking a huge blow, but that hadn’t been what he’d meant and she knew it. “I can’t give you what you need,” he said quietly, his voice gravelly with emotion.

“You promised me,” she hissed.

“Shay—”

“You promised me. You swore you wouldn’t leave me again! I trusted you!”

“That was before I knew I wasn’t healed. And you’ve never really trusted me, Shay.”

The sadness in those latter words made her want to cry. He looked and sounded so lonely, and it broke her and her wolf inside. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to make this decision for me. I choose to stand by you through this.”

“Why? So you can watch me slowly deteriorate and become someone you don’t know? Well f**k that. I choose to not make you go through that.” And then she was punching the shit out of his chest. He locked his arms around her, grunting through clenched teeth as she dealt his ribs blow after blow. After a minute or so, she finally stopped. She didn’t move away, kept her forehead leaning against his chest as she tried to calm down, panting and clenching her fists. He gently kissed her hair, loving the softness of it and knowing he’d miss it.

She didn’t look up at him when she spoke. “I’ll hate you forever if you go now.”

Cupping her face, Nick lifted her gaze to his. “I would rather you despised me than for you to be without a mate. I wouldn’t be a mate, Shay. I wouldn’t even be someone you knew.” He ran the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip. “You deserve better than me anyway. You always knew that. It’s why you don’t want me to claim you.”

No, it wasn’t; she did want him to claim her. And maybe she hadn’t known exactly how much she wanted that until right then, but it was true. She had come to trust him as much as she trusted Taryn—which was saying a lot—had come to depend on him, and had come to finally accept his place in her life. And now he wanted to leave. Not a chance. If the situation had been reversed, nothing would have made Nick leave her. He would never have made her go through such a thing alone; he’d have supported her every step of the way. She’d be damned if she’d behave any differently. He was hers. Ill, healthy—it didn’t matter. And if he didn’t like her decision, he could kiss her wolf’s furry ass.