Collision Course(41)
Author: S.C. Stephens

Mrs. Ryans seemed to notice that I was shutting down and shifted her topics accordingly. She talked more about the incident that got me there, trying to get me to talk about Josh’s involvement, which I wouldn’t, and trying to get me to tell her what I’d been feeling during the incident. That had taken me back at first. I mean, I was high, I wasn’t really feeling anything. But then I realized that wasn’t true, most of my feelings, beside the unfortunate come-on to Ms. Reynolds, had been about Sawyer.

I made the mistake of mentioning that to Mrs. Ryans, or Beth, as she still kept trying to get me to call her, and opened a new portal in my head for her to dig through – my relationship with Sawyer. I gave her the standard ‘we’re just friends’ speech, but she didn’t seem to buy it. It probably didn’t help that she purposely kept an ear on the gossip around school and had undoubtedly heard about the nastiness that swirled around us.

I didn’t know what to say about that. I mean, we were just friends and the rumors were way off. But a nagging part of me remembered kissing her, remembered her lips on mine and wondered. It couldn’t be more than friendship though, not with my continued involvement with Lil (who was still avoiding me), but I didn’t mention that to Mrs. Ryans. She’d probably lock me up in a padded room or something, and Sawyer and I were complicated enough without bringing my special brand of crazy into it.

Sawyer had started hanging out at my house every day after school, which was becoming the highlight of my day. It wasn’t as if we didn’t see each other all the time, but there was something about being alone in my house, away from the scrutiny of the student body. It was relaxing and we let our guards down a little. We talked and laughed and watched movies and sometimes, if her parents let her stay late enough, she even let me make her my Hot Pocket dinner specialty. We didn’t talk about anything overly deep, nothing about her secret, nothing about mine, but we talked about the rumors at school and the torments of Will and Josh and Brittany. We were bonded already, but going through that chaos together, I don’t know, it bonded us even tighter. I felt surer of her than anyone, besides my mom, of course.

And we were comfortable together. We’d stretch out on the couch, my long legs taking up all the cushions, hers flopped causally over mine as we cuddled up under a blanket to watch a movie she’d rented – one that I’d approved first. We were lying that way, my arms wrapped around her as she stretched in front of me on the edge of the couch, my head back against the armrest, watching one of the Terminators, when my eyes started to drift closed. Fully content and happy with her in my grip, I let myself relax into sleep…

The sound of water falling filled my head, lifting my awareness. Each drop felt like a gong going off in my brain it was so loud, or maybe that was because everything else was so silent. I wasn’t sure where I was for a moment and couldn’t remember what had just happened. All I was aware of, was the dripping sound of rain on vinyl and metal, and then slowly, I became aware of the rushing sound of water pouring down glass. I shifted and opened my eyes. Immediately, I inhaled a sharp breath and my vision clouded, as pain vibrated through my skull. I brought a hand to the side of my head and felt the blood there. Then I remembered where I was and what had happened.

I was in the smashed remains of Darren’s car. We’d just gone over the embankment and I’d had a rough ride down the steep hill, ending with a painful smack against the side window. I remembered that solid hit, felt the remembered pain of my head whiplashing back against the glass; my neck remembered that too. But my window had remained intact and, beside the smear of blood on the side of my skull and the pain screaming throughout my jolted body, I was alive. Miraculously, I was alive.

My eyes refocused on the water streaming down the windshield like a surging river. The sudden downpour was still streaming hard around us. Wait…us… My hazy brain struggled to remember that I wasn’t the only one in the car. I remembered Lillian hitting her head hard against her window, and wondered if that had hurt her, as much as it had hurt me. Carefully, I reached my hand out for her. In the darkness of the dim lights from the dash, I could only see the basic outline of her body, slumped against the passenger side door.

"Lil?"

My hand brushed her shoulder but she didn’t move at the contact. "Lil?" I carefully unbuckled my seatbelt and, even though every muscle in my chest and h*ps protested, I moved as close to her as I could in our bucket seats. "Baby, talk to me."

As my vision improved more, I glanced back at the empty rear seat, the open door, where I could just barely make out the scraggly underbrush and shadowy trees, before they disappeared into the dark thickness of night. I remembered Darren and Sammy’s unbuckled bodies bursting through that door, the force of their impact breaking the inferior metal of the latch. Where were they outside? Were they okay? God, please let them be okay. My head throbbed and my heart raced as I turned back to Lillian.

"Lil, did you see where Darren and Sammy went? Lil?"

When she still didn’t respond to me, I brought my hand to her cheek, her cold cheek. Concerned, I finally noticed the glass around her still body, her head resting against the boulder protruding through it, the slick wetness of her blood on the rock, turning it black in the darkness. Wind was coming through the shattered window, bringing rain with it, dampening Lil’s blouse and shorts and washing the blood down her arms. So much blood. Flashes of her head smacking that stone assaulted me. She’d hit it so hard. Her fragile, fragile head had hit it so hard. There was so much blood…

My heart in my throat, speech barely still possible, I turned her face gently to look in her eyes. "Lillian, baby? Please…answer me…" Her head offered no resistance and twisted easily in my grasp. My wide eyes locked onto hers, but it was too late, no one was there to look back at me…

I woke with a start, screaming.

I had been in a cold, dimly lit car in dark woods, the sound of rain all around me, but now I was in a warm, dry, and brightly lit room, lying down on a soft couch, with a TV flickering in the background, playing the end of the movie I couldn’t remember. I wasn’t registering that a dream was fading from me, and hopelessly confused, I had no idea where I was and what was real. Still sobbing, I clung to the last remnants of my nightmare. "No, no, no. Lil, talk to me! Please…please don’t be…"

Hands and arms and hair flew around me, taking me into a tight embrace. Soothing sounds entered my ear as I broke down into remembered sobs. Lil’s eyes – those beautiful, loving, pale blue eyes – empty…vacant…dead. I sobbed even harder, gasping for air. "The rain…I couldn’t stop…so much water…I couldn’t stop…the rock…oh god, her head…so much blood…there’s so much blood…I don’t know what to do…"

"It’s alright, Lucas…let it go. It was a dream…you’re safe."

It was a dream. I was safe. I recognized then, that I was safe on the couch, wrapped securely in Sawyer’s arms and not back there again. But she was wrong, it wasn’t just a dream, it was a memory and she wasn’t safe. None of them had been. My hands cinched around her waist as I buried my head in her shoulder, and continued my wracking, tortured crying.

"God, Sawyer, why won’t this ever stop? I just want it to stop," I sputtered between my tears.

I felt her fingers wiping some tears from my face and when my sobbing subsided, I pulled back to search her eyes, for comfort or maybe for hope. She cupped my cheek lightly as we locked gazes. Hers were moist and concerned, as empathetic as eyes could get. I reached up to grab her cheek and we held each other’s faces as a few more tears fell from me silently. Swallowing, I rested my head against hers. "I just want it to stop." I leaned up so our noses were resting side by side; my heart was thudding in my ears. "Please…just make it stop."

Sawyer’s breath was fast on my face through her parted lips and I found myself matching her pace. Not thinking of anything but pushing aside this grief, I found her mouth. She gasped as our lips met: soft, wet and slightly salty from so many of my tears. "Please…make it stop," I muttered around our lips. Her breath was still fast against my skin and her hand inched up to weave into my hair. She let out a soft noise, and the lingering pain of my nightmare faded as her reaction to me stirred something deep inside, something I’d thought was so buried it would never resurface in waking life. The warmth of desire flooded through me and my hand slid around to her neck, pulling her into me.

Our lips parted and my tongue lightly slid into her, brushing up against hers. She moaned and an ache went straight through me, blocking out all remnants of my vicious memory. She tasted sweet, like the watermelon jolly rancher she’d been sucking on earlier. It was indescribably good and I wanted to taste more. I angled my mouth differently and deepened our connection, my hands twisting into her dark locks. She moaned softly again and the slight ache shifted to an almost painful need. I needed her. I’d always emotionally needed her…but this, this was entirely different.

Keeping her mouth close to me, I shifted her from our side-by-side position, so that her back was flush to the cushions. Never breaking the motion of our lips, I leaned over her, shifting more of my body on top of her. Her fingers dropped from my hair to run down my back and my body shivered in response. She made a soft noise in her throat and wrapped her legs around mine as I carefully adjusted my entire body over the top of hers, the blanket that had been draped over us, dropping to the floor.

The need surging through me, overran my commonsense, and before I could analyze what we were doing, I was pressing the most sensitive part of my body against the most sensitive part of hers. I was hard, I was ready, and I was aching so bad my legs were slightly shaking. She gasped at the feel of me and her fingers clutched at my back when we connected. I groaned at the feel of her and moved my lips to her neck.

While I placed deep kisses up her neck to her ear, we started moving together intimately. It was the most incredible thing I’d felt (while being awake) in a long while, and it didn’t take long for our movements to become more urgent, along with our breath. It was almost like my earlier despair had crumbled the dam between us, and we were finally letting the weeks of pent-up attraction spill over into our lips and bodies. Our desire to connect was an almost frantic one, with our fingers lightly tugging, and teasingly pulling at our clothing, while our h*ps moved in perfect, simulated rhythm.

She sucked on my neck, her teeth lightly grazing my skin while my hands slid up under her shirt to feel the softness of her stomach, the hardness of her n**ples through her bra. She ran her hands under my shirt and up my back, the feel of her fingernails along my bare muscles sending electricity straight down my body, making me throb with the need to release.

I hissed in a sharp breath and pushed harder against her, wishing it was more. Our mouths met again, our tongues searching the other out, and each break of our lips brought a ragged breath or a soft groan. I heard myself mutter "more" and "please". I heard her suck in a groaning breath and utter my name. I’d never heard so much passion and desire leaked into the syllables of that word. It crumbled me.

Driven by pure desperation and need, my hands slid down her body and tugged at her jeans, wanting them off, wanting that barrier between us gone. "Please…I need…more. Closer…please, closer." My words were breathless, coming in pants between our fiery kisses. Every inch of me felt electrified, oversensitive, and every rub, moan, and moment of flesh on flesh seared me…but I still needed more.