Collision Course(61)
Author: S.C. Stephens

As we embraced in the pinkish light of the fluorescent bulb above us, the sound of her radio softly playing the only noise, a nagging thought crept into the back of my head. A remembered conversation with my counselor, a feeling that somehow I was missing something horribly simple and all this suffering…didn’t need to be happening.

But as Sawyer pulled away from me, saying that she’d drive me home now, the feeling passed and a rolling wave of intense anger hit me. I had no desire to go home. Not when my beloved mother…was possibly a lying whore.

Chapter 19

The Intervention

Her eyes widened as she looked at me, and I realized I had a mean sneer on my face. I adjusted it into what I hoped was a calmer look. Her brow brunched at seeing it and I thought that maybe I was failing. I began to shake my head at her. "No, I don’t want to go back there."

She tilted her head, still confused, and then her mouth dropped a little when she understood. Her eyes narrowed at me, partly concerned, but partly a little irritated too. "You don’t want to go home?" She shook her head. "Because of what Josh said about your mom?" She put a hand on my arm and leaned into me. "It was probably just another stupid rumor." She shook her head again, her softening curls brushing her velveteen shoulders. "No more truth to it than Brittany seeing you drinking that night."

I swallowed and closed my eyes at that remembered revelation as to why so many people believed the lies about me. Brittany was popular around here – Queen Bee, top of the herd, big fish in a very tiny pond – people were prone to believe the things that she said. No wonder no one believed my halfhearted attempts at denial.

I opened my eyes and shook my head, tiredness and sadness winning out over my anger. "I just can’t be there right now, Sawyer. I just can’t be somewhere where she is." I swallowed again and gave her pleading eyes. "Can I…can I stay with you tonight?" I whispered the last part, not knowing how she’d react to that after our heated moment at the dance.

She sighed and her hand came up to run down my face. She must have noticed something in my features. Maybe that my anger had faded into melancholy, maybe that I was barely keeping it together, maybe that there was no way I could handle being alone right now. For whatever reason, she bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, alright. You’ll have to sneak in though."

I nodded and relaxed back in my seat. She looked me over for another moment before twisting back to the wheel and starting to drive. We turned the opposite direction of my house from the parking lot and I felt a moment of guilt that Sawyer went out of her way to come get me every day. Just another thing I had to apologize to her for. As gloom settled over me, I wondered why she bothered with me at all. What did I give her but confusion and heartache? She should be with someone else, someone who could give her what she wanted. Someone who could love her the way she deserved to be loved. Someone not…broken.

I sighed out the window as I watched the town go by and felt her hand come over to grab mine. Feeling like our no contact rule was so shattered at this point that it didn’t even really matter anymore, I grasped it back kind of hard. Her thumb stroked circles into my hand, urging me to relax and I let my grip loosen a little bit.

"Hey, you want to talk about…anything?" she asked, giving me concerned glances while she drove.

I shook my head, muttering, "No…nothing to say really."

She sighed and I looked over at her. Her face looked a little frustrated and she was biting her lip. I knew I’d said a lot tonight that I usually didn’t say and she wanted to talk about it. She wanted to delve into me and open all those scars, so she could help me heal, much like Mrs. Ryans, but she was respectful enough of our friendship to still not press me about it. I appreciated her for that, and felt bad at the same time.

Just when I was about to ask her what she wanted me to talk about first, she changed the subject on me. "Did you hear Randy?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I frowned and tried to think back to what she was talking about, but all I could remember about the evening was Josh. Josh and his cruel words.

I shook my head and she clarified. "He apologized, Luc, for drugging you. He said it over and over." She looked to the road quickly and then back to me, narrowing her eyes. "You didn’t hear that?" I shook my head again and she sighed, a soft, sad smile coming to her lips. She turned back to the road. "I told you he felt bad. I told you not everyone is against you. I mean, you saw the way he was holding Josh back." Her eyes came to mine again, warmth in the gray depths. "He was trying to help you, Lucas."

A surprising flash of jealousy swept through me at the look in her eye when she talked about Randy. I didn’t like seeing it. I rolled my eyes and stared out the window. We were getting more into the countryside, the houses spaced farther and farther apart. Sawyer apparently did live in the middle of nowhere. As more guilt filled into me over how far she went to help me each day, bitterness entered my tone.

"Yeah, nothing but helpful…Randy."

She sighed and slowed the car, pulling along a road that had empty grass fields on either side of it. I looked around at where we were and then looked over at her, confused. She didn’t acknowledge my confusion, only twisted in her seat to face me.

"He tried to apologize to you at the dance and I know he’s wanted to, even before that." Her tone got that sage sound to it and I sighed at hearing it. That made her furrow her brow. "He feels really horrible for getting you suspended, but he hasn’t been able to say sorry, because you always blow him off."

I raised my eyebrows at that and was about to protest, but she shook her head and didn’t let me finish. "Maybe not intentionally, Luc, but you walk around with your head down, not really noticing anything or anybody." Her face softened and she put her hand on my still slightly wet knee. "I know you’re doing it to protect yourself, but not everyone hates you here." She looked down and shyness entered her voice. "Some of us even love you," she whispered.

Her adorable look calmed my nerves, but her words brought a buried ache to the surface. People laughing, teasing, tormenting me…none of them cared. She was wrong. I shook my head at her, and my voice came out harder than I intended it to. "You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ve only been here a few months. I’ve been around these people my whole life."

She looked up, surprised at my tone. "I know…"

Irritated at myself for sort of snapping at her, I added, "I thought you hated these people…isn’t that what you said."

She shrugged and looked away, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear. Her face looked torn, like she didn’t want to continue this conversation, but sort of felt that we needed to have it. I didn’t really want to have it. I wanted her to agree with me that everyone sucked, and hold me in her arms all night while I cried over my miserable existence. But, then again, maybe I was just wallowing in pity at the moment.

"That was before I got to know some of them." She peeked up at me out of the corner of her eye. "The people in the club aren’t so bad, and other people have approached me at the games and stuff." As I cocked my head at her, she faced me fully and smiled softly. "They ask about you, you know, because they know we’re close. They ask if you’re okay."

I had a snappy retort on my tongue, but swallowed it when what she’d said registered with me. "They…ask about me? If I’m…okay?" I don’t know why, but it shocked me that anyone but her would care enough to ask about my mental state.

Her face softened even more and she brought her hand to my cheek, sweeping her thumb around my eye. "Yeah. Some people just don’t know what to say to you, others are giving you your space to grieve." She dropped her hand as my mouth fell open, slightly shocked. She cringed as she shrugged again. "But you don’t talk to anyone, Luc, no one but me. You walk around with your head down and ignore everybody. It makes you unapproachable. People just aren’t sure what to do around you."

I looked away, absorbing that. So my isolation was my fault now? I sniffed and softly said, "Now you really sound like my counselor." I shook my head, still not looking at her, still picturing all the people I encountered in my day. I didn’t see any of them the way she described.

"What people?" I whipped my head back to her, a frown on my lips. "The people who whisper about me and ridicule me? The ones that laugh when Will trips me or urge Josh to kick my ass…those people?" I shrugged, tossing my free hand into the air.

She sighed, her hand holding mine, clenching it tight. "No, Luc." She leaned into me again, momentarily resting her head against mine. "You are only seeing what you want to see…not everyone’s like that." She pulled back to look at me, her eyes soft with compassion.

I shook my head at her, not understanding how we could view the same school so differently. "Why would I want to see that? Why would I want people to hate me?" I whispered, heat entering back into my voice.

She stared at me for long seconds before finally sighing and sweeping some unruly hair off my forehead. Shaking her head she said, "I don’t know. Maybe…because you hate you."

My mouth dropped open again and she swept her hand around to my cheek, cupping it again. I sputtered for something to say, but couldn’t focus. I couldn’t find any argument with that. I did sort of hate me. I didn’t really blame anyone else in the school for feeling what I did. But she was wrong…there was no compassion for me in that school. No friendship to be had, but hers.

Blinking sudden tears from my eyes, I swept my gaze out over the windshield at the empty fields around us. The emptiness suddenly felt metaphoric in a startlingly horrid way. "Why are we out here," I whispered, speech finally returning to me.

She dropped her hand from my face and pointed to a tiny light suspended in the near darkness, yards up the road from us. "That’s my house." She looked back to me, her eyes looking apologetic. "Sorry, but you’re gonna have to get out here and sneak through the fields." I nodded and looked out over the dark expanse between us and the light. I wondered how often I’d trip and fall along the way.

She let go of my hand and pointed again to the house. "My room is downstairs, in the basement level." She looked over my frame. "I’m pretty sure you’ll fit through the window. I’ll open it so you’ll know which one."

I nodded and moved to crack my door. She grabbed my hand as I pushed it open. "Lucas." I looked back at her expectantly and she bit her lip. "I’ll see you in a little bit." I nodded and headed out into the darkness.

I closed her door behind me and then watched as she pulled away, her taillights driving into the distance. Up the road, she swung into the driveway of her home, the headlights splashing onto an older style, two-story farmhouse. Well, I guess three-story if she lived in the basement level. I hoped I would fit through the window. Sneaking through the house didn’t sound like fun.

Bracing myself for a few trip-ups through the long, dark grass lying between us, I inhaled a deep breath and headed out to meet back up with her.

By the time I got through the field, and to the dark corner of the house where Sawyer had indicated that her room was, I did indeed have two or three splotches of mud on me, including a rather embarrassing one on my ass. I brushed myself off the best I could and cautiously approached the house. I ducked down into a crouch and then shook my head and straightened back up. Being shorter wasn’t going to make me any less visible, and really, looking like a lurker would only increase the chances of Sawyer’s parents calling the cops if they happened to spot me.