Derailed (Clayton Falls #1)(45)
Author: Alyssa Rose Ivy

“We’re going to see where it goes.”

“I see.”

I swallowed, trying to find the right words. “I just don’t want things to be awkward. We’re still going to be seeing quite a bit of each other with the wedding and all.”

“We’ll likely be seeing each other long after that, unless you aren’t sticking around.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said confidently.

“Good. By the way, a smile looks nice on you.”

“Thanks.”

“So, we should probably get back inside before Ben comes after us.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” I agreed.

“But if for some reason things don’t work out with Ben, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ll remember that.” I gave a small smile before we walked back inside.

Relief passed over Ben’s face when I walked back over and leaned up against him. His arm came around me immediately, as did a light kiss on my forehead. “Everything okay?”

I noticed that Shayna had wandered off to catch up with some more friends. Kelly and Tom were in their own little world. “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure Gavin knew that you and I are together now.”

“I figured, and that was the nice thing to do. If it were up to me, I probably would have done something less polite.”

“Yeah, I bet. He’s not a bad guy, just not the guy for me.”

Ben leaned in to whisper in my ear. “There’s no way you can come home with me tonight is there?”

“No. Shayna’s only here for the weekend. I need to spend it with her.”

“I get it. But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss you. You’ll call me if the nightmares are too bad, right?”

I refused to lie to him. “Probably not, but it’s nice to know I can if I need to.”

“I’ll take it, but only because after this weekend you’re spending all your nights with me.”

“That sounds good.”

“Because it is good.”

Shayna and I left a little while later. Ben kissed me goodbye in a more public display then I was used to, but Gavin had already left, so I wasn’t worried about upsetting anyone.

We headed home fully intending to go straight to bed, but somehow we stayed up for hours talking over ice cream. I really couldn’t remember a time when we’d talked so openly. Shayna sounded incredibly happy. She loved her job, and being a mom seemed to really fulfill her. Although her husband could be pretentious sometimes, he made her happy and that was all that mattered. The more she opened up about herself, the easier it was for me to be real with her.

“I saw your camera out on the counter. Does that mean you’re getting into photography again?”

“Yeah, I think being here brought that side of me back. It feels good.”

“Art can sometimes be a form of therapy, you know.” She handed me the carton of ice cream, licking off her spoon before she could make a mess.

“Dad used to say that.” I thought about the hours Dad spent down in his darkroom in the basement. As a little girl, I’d watched him develop his photos. He bought me my first camera at seven, and it was the one thing we really had in common. I remember how crazy he thought I was when I decided to start taking digital pictures—but eventually he understood that it was an art form in itself.

“Is it weird for you to be here, knowing he’s gone? It’s always weird for me.”

“Weird isn’t the right word.” I took a spoonful of ice cream, choosing my words carefully. “It started off painful, but now I almost feel closer to him, if that makes sense.”

“It makes sense. He’d be impressed by how strong you are.”

I laughed dryly, putting the carton with my spoon on the side table. “You mean he’d be disappointed in how much of a failure I am.”

“That’s not true.”

“Don’t mess with me, Shayna. I’m twenty-two, have no idea what I’m doing with my life, and I’m living in our parents’ house.”

She curled up her legs under her. “But you’re living and breathing. You made it through something terrible, and you’re finding your way.”

“Whatever you say.” I wrapped myself up in a blanket. “He still wouldn’t be proud. But you know what? No matter what I did, it never would have been good enough for him.”

“Don’t say that. He was always proud of you. He was only tough because he wanted what was best for you.”

“I wish he didn’t die hating me.”

“What?” She sat up and moved close to me. “Dad didn’t hate you. Mom told me all about your fight, but that didn’t mean anything. He loved you, Mol.”

The tears started, and I couldn’t stop them. I fell into the hug Shayna offered.

“I’m a mom now. I can tell you on good authority that a parent’s love for their children really is unconditional. You meant the world to him, and nothing could have changed that.”

Shayna’s words should have comforted me, but my guilt over his death wasn’t something that could be healed easily.

“I’m glad Ben is making you happy.” She eased the conversation into less emotional territory.

“Yeah, me too.”

We talked about Ben for a while before we went upstairs to bed. I’d never felt so close to Shayna before. Maybe we were going to have that adult sibling relationship my mom had sworn we’d have one day.

We spent the rest of the weekend in much the same way: catching up on each other’s lives and just enjoying being together. It was the most time either of us had spent at the beach in years, and we spent all day Saturday lying out and swimming. I was glad Ben respected my need to spend time with her. We talked for a few minutes Saturday night, but that was it.

Neither Shayna nor I were looking forward to saying goodbye on Sunday. Shayna needed to return her rental car before the flight, so she had to leave before lunch.

She took my hand before walking out the front door. “I expected to find you on the floor when I got here. I’m glad I was wrong.”

“So, you are actually admitting to being wrong?” I smiled.

“There’s a first time for everything. But seriously, you’ll make it through this. You’re going to be okay.”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m holding in there.”

“I’m glad you decided to give Ben another chance. You were right. He has changed.”