Diamond Bay (Page 67)

He had arranged for a flight to Jacksonville, then caught a commuter plane to Gainesville, where he rented a car. It was the first time he’d ever walked out of the office like that, but after what had happened last summer, no one questioned him. It wouldn’t have done much good if they had; once Sabin decided to move, he moved.

He stopped the car in front of the house and got out, ducking against the rain. Joe was braced in front of the steps, snarling, and it was so much like before that a tight smile tugged at Rell’s mouth. "Joe, heel," he said. The dog’s ears perked forward at that voice and the command, and with a small bark he bounded toward Kell, his tail actually wagging.

"That’s quite a greeting," Kell murmured, leaning down to rub the dog’s head. "I just hope Rachel is as glad to see me." After he’d ignored all of her messages she might well slam the door in his face. Despite the chill he felt himself starting to sweat, and his heart was slamming against his ribs. He was so close to her; she was just on the other side of that door, and he was shaking with anticipation, his loins hardening. Damn, that was just what he needed.

He was getting soaked, so he sprinted across the yard and leaped onto the porch with one bound, disdaining the steps. He knocked on the frame of the screen door, then impatiently did it again, harder.

"Just a minute."

He closed his eyes at her voice, then heard her footsteps approaching the door, and opened them again, not wanting to miss even a second of looking at her. She opened the door, and they faced each other silently through the screen. Her lips moved, but no sound emerged. He tried to see her through the screen, but there were no lights on in the living room, and the dim, gray day didn’t help much. All he could really see was the pale oval of her face.

"May I come in?" he finally asked quietly.

Without a word she pushed the screen door open and moved back for him to enter. He stepped inside, closed the wooden door behind him and reached to flip the light switch, flooding the room with light. She stood before him, small and fragile and very slim. She was wearing tight jeans and a baggy black sweatshirt; her hair was longer and pulled back from her face on each side with two big tortoiseshell clips. She was pale, her face strained.

"You’re not pregnant," he said in a tight voice. Had she lost the baby?

She swallowed, then shook her head. "No. I’d hoped I would be, but it didn’t happen."

Her voice, so low and well remembered, made him shudder inside with pleasure, but her words brought him up short. "You haven’t been pregnant?"

Now she looked confused. "No."

His fists knotted. He didn’t know which was worse, the realization that Jane had lied to him, or disappointment that Rachel wasn’t pregnant, after all. "Jane told me you were pregnant," he ground out, then abruptly remembered her exact words, and a bark of laughter burst out even through his anger. "Hell, no, she didn’t. What she said was ‘At least Grant married me when he found out I was pregnant!’" he told her, mimicking Jane. "Then she hung up on me. She’s so slick that I didn’t catch it until now."

Rachel had been watching him, not even blinking as she drank in his appearance. He was thinner, harder, that black fire of his even more intense. "You came because you thought I was pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Why bother now?" she asked, and bit her lip to stop it from trembling.

Well, he’d asked for that. He looked at her again. She had lost weight, and her eyes were listless. It startled him, hit him hard. She didn’t look like a happy woman, and all he’d ever wanted was for her to be safe and happy. "How are you?" he asked, concern deepening his voice to a rumble.

She shrugged. "Well enough, I suppose."

"Does your side bother you?"

"No, not at all." She turned away, going toward the kitchen. "Would you like a cup of hot chocolate? I was just going to make some."

He took off his coat and tossed it over a chair before following her. It gave him an overpowering sense of deja vu to lean against the cabinets and watch her fiddle with pots and measuring cups. Abruptly she stopped and bent her head down to rest it against the refrigerator door.

"It’s killing me without you," she said in a muffled voice. "I try, but I just don’t care anymore. One day with you is worth more to me than a lifetime without you."

His fists clenched again. "Do you think it’s easy for me?" His voice rasped the air like a rusty file. "Don’t you remember what happened?"

"I know what can happen!" she screamed, whirling on him. "But I’m an adult, Kell Sabin! The risk is mine to take if I think it’s worth it! I accept that every time I get in my car and drive to town. A lot more people are killed on the highways every year than by terrorists or assassins. Why don’t you forbid me to drive, if you really want to protect me?"

His eyes burned on her, but he didn’t say anything, and his remote silence goaded her. "I can live with the risks you take in your job," she continued. "I don’t like it, but that’s your decision to make. If you can’t give me the same right, then why are you here?"

Still he stared at her, frowning. The hunger for her was growing in him, like an obsession. He wanted her, more than he wanted his next breath. He could either live with her, or live without her, and the past six months had shown him just how poor the quality of life was without her. The flat, unvarnished truth was that life wasn’t worth living if he couldn’t have her. Once he accepted that, his thoughts moved ahead. He’d have to take steps to make certain she was safe; he’d have to make changes and adjust, something he hadn’t done before. It was odd how simple it looked all of a sudden, just because he admitted to himself that he had to have her. God bless Jane for getting his attention and giving him an excuse for coming down; she had known that once he saw Rachel again he wouldn’t be able to leave.