Dirty Pleasures (Page 38)

“If you’re looking for a reason to get out of this, Holly, I’m sure you can find one. I’m not going to beg you to stay.”

Her face hardens into a nearly unrecognizable mask, and I wait for the cracks to show at my words.

But I get nothing except silence.

I’m not going to beg for her affection. Holly’s made it clear that she can’t be bought, and apparently I’m not deserving of it through my actions.

I watch her face, eyes riveted, waiting for a single hint that there’s something to fight for, but right now, she might as well be a stranger to me.

My temper is yanking on its chain, and I know I need to leave before I say something I can never take back.

I turn on my heel and head for the door. My steps are measured, and all I want from her is a single word. Maybe two.

Don’t go, I want her to say.

But she says nothing.

And I’m gone.

Pride is a dangerous thing, but when it’s all you have left, how do you make yourself let go of it?

Hours later, I’m still curled up in the mammoth bed alone. I shift my face away from the wet spot on my pillow, refusing to acknowledge that I’ve soaked it with my tears.

When did my life get so complicated? Oh yeah, when I decided to marry a guy I only met once—and by met, I mean banged until I could barely walk.

I think about what Dr. Wylie told me. His diagnosis: panic attack, caused by stress. His prescription: take some time to relax and get away from the stress.

It’s thinking about that last part that caused the tears to start running.

I can’t stay in New York, but I don’t want to go back to Nashville.

There’s only one place I can think to go.

Home.

It echoes in my head as I finally fall asleep.

Creighton never comes back. When I open my eyes at seven a.m., his side of the bed is empty and still neatly made, no impressions in the pillow. I wonder if he ever even came back to the penthouse. I pull on a sweatshirt and socks, and go investigate.

It’s still expensive, perfect, and completely unwelcoming.

I don’t belong here. The panic starts to rise again. It’s sharp and fast, stealing any rational thought. Words flash back through my brain like they’re lit with neon.

“It wasn’t important.”

“It was a whim.”

“You’re nothing like Annika.”

The slam of the door.

I don’t belong here.

Then a new phrase pierces through on a continuous loop.

I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here.

The words drown out every other thought until I find myself in my closet, tossing on the first thing I grab before shoving clothes into a bag. I stumble into the bathroom and grab random shit off the counter and from the drawers until my suitcase is full. I don’t know what I’ve packed. I don’t care.

I have to get out of here.

I rush through the living room and into the kitchen, spying the same damn notepad I used before.

Creighton’s going to want to kill me when he gets home.

But I’ll already be gone.

I scrawl the same two words, but this time for an entirely different reason.

Good-bye, Creighton.