Fallen Too Far

That was where he was wrong. I shrugged.

"Get one tomorrow," he ordered. I nodded although I didn’t intend to get one then closed the truck door behind me.

I pulled back out onto the two-lane street. I drove the half mile up to the first traffic light and turned right. The motel was the second building on the left. I had never stayed here before. I had friends who had come here after prom but that was all a part of high school I only heard about in the hallways.

Paying for the night was easy enough. The girl working the desk looked familiar but she was younger than me. Probably still in high school. I got my key and headed back outside.

The shiny black Range Rover that was parked beside my truck looked so out of place here. The heart I’d thought was numb slammed hard against my chest in one painful thud as my eyes connected with Rush’s. He was standing in front of the Range Rover with his hands in his pockets watching me.

I didn’t expect to see him again. At least not this soon. I’d made it clear how I felt. How had he known to get here? I’d never told him the name of my hometown. Had my father? Did they not understand I wanted to be left alone?

A car door slammed and my attention was jerked off Rush to see Cain stepping out of the red Ford truck he’d gotten for graduation. "I’m hoping like hell you know this guy ’cause he’s followed you here from the cemetery. I noticed him on the side of the road watching us a ways back but I didn’t say anything," Cain said as he sauntered over to stand slightly in front of me.

"I know him," I managed to get past the tightness in my throat.

Cain glanced back at me, "He the reason you came running home?"

No. Not really. He wasn’t what sent me running. He was what had made me want to stay. Even knowing everything we might have had was impossible.

"No," I said, shaking my head and looking back at Rush. Even in the moonlight his face looked pained.

"Why are you here?" I asked, keeping my distance. Cain shifted more in front of me when he realized I wasn’t going near Rush.

"You’re here," he replied.

God. How was I going to get through this again? Seeing him and knowing I couldn’t have him. What he represented would always dirty anything that I felt for him.

"I can’t do this, Rush."

He took a step forward, "Talk to me. Please, Blaire. There is so much I need to explain."

I shook my head and took a step backward. "No. I can’t."

Rush cursed and shifted his gaze from me to Cain. "Could you give us a minute?" he demanded.

Cain crossed his arms over his chest and took one more step to stand in front of me. "I don’t think so. It doesn’t seem like she wants to talk to you. Can’t say I’m gonna make her. And neither are you."

I didn’t have to see Rush to know Cain had just majorly pissed him off. If I didn’t stop them this would end badly. I stepped around Cain and walked toward Rush and the direction of my room. If we were going to talk we weren’t going to have an audience.

"It’s okay, Cain. This is my stepbrother, Rush Finlay. He already knows who you are. He wants to talk. So we are going to talk. You can leave. I’ll be fine," I said over my shoulder and then turned to unlock room 4A.

"Stepbrother? Wait… Rush Finlay? As in Dean Finlay’s only child? Shit B, you’re related to a rock celebrity."

I’d forgotten what a fan Cain was of rock bands. He would know all about the only son of Slacker Demon’s drummer.

"Go, Cain," I repeated. I opened my door and stepped inside.

Chapter Twenty-Six

I put the entire length of the room between us. I didn’t stop until I was standing against the wall on the other side of the room.

Rush followed me inside and closed the door behind him. His eyes looked like they were drinking me in.

"Talk. Hurry. I want you gone," I told him.

Rush flinched from my words. I would not allow myself to feel for him. I couldn’t.

"I love you."

No. He was not saying that. I shook my head. No. I was not hearing this. He did not love me. He couldn’t. Love didn’t lie.

"I know my actions don’t appear to back that up but if you’d just let me explain. God, baby, I can’t stand seeing you in so much pain."

He had no idea the extent of the pain. He had known how much I loved my mother. How important she was to me. How much she had sacrificed. He knew it all and he still didn’t tell me what they thought of my mother. What he thought of my mother. I couldn’t love that. Him. Anyone who mocked my mother’s memory. I could never love that. Ever.

"Nothing you can say will fix this. She was my mother, Rush. The one memory that holds anything good in my life. She is the center of every happy childhood moment I have. And you…" I closed my eyes unable to look at him. "And you, and… and them… y’all disgraced her. The ugly lies that you spoke as if they were the truth."

"I’m so sorry you found out this way. I wanted to tell you. At first, you were just a product that would hurt Nan. I thought you’d cause her more pain. The problem was that you fascinated me. I’ll admit I was immediately drawn to you because you’re gorgeous. It was breathtaking. I hated you because of it. I didn’t want to be attracted to you. But I was. I wanted you bad that very first night. Just to be near you, God, I made up reasons to find you. Then… then I got to know you. I was hypnotized by your laugh. It was the most amazing sound I’d ever heard. You were so honest and determined. You didn’t whine or complain. You took what life handed you and worked with it. I wasn’t used to that.  Every time I watched you, every time I was near you I fell a little more." Rush took a step toward me and I held up both my hands to hold him back. I was taking deep breaths. I would not cry again. If he needed to tell me all this and completely devastate me even more then I would listen. I’d give him his closure because I knew I’d never get mine.