Fallen Too Far

"I didn’t expect you back so soon." I’d heard the gravel crunch behind me and I’d known without turning around who it was. I didn’t look at him. I wasn’t ready yet. He’d see through me. Cain had been my friend since kindergarten. The year we’d become something more it was just expected. I’d loved him for years.

"My life is here," I replied simply.

"I tried to argue that point a few weeks ago." The touch of humor in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. He liked being right. He always had.

"I thought I needed my father’s help. I didn’t."

The gravel crunched a little more as he stepped up beside me. "He still an ass?"

I only nodded. I wasn’t ready to tell Cain just what an ass my father was. I couldn’t voice that right now. Saying it out loud made it real somehow. I wanted to believe it was a dream.

"You not like his new family?" Cain asked. He wouldn’t let up. He would ask me questions until I broke down and told him everything.

"How did you know I was home?" I asked, changing the subject. It would only sidetrack him for a moment but I didn’t intend to stand around long.

"You didn’t really expect to drive your truck through town and it not become the number one source of headline news within five minutes? You know this place better than that, B."

B. He’d called me B since we were five. He had called Valerie, Ree. Nicknames. Memories. It was safe. This town was safe.

"Have I even been here five minutes?" I asked still studying the grave in front of me. My mother’s name etched in stone.

"Naw, probably not. I was sitting outside the grocery store waiting on Callie to get off work," he trailed off. He was seeing Callie again. Not surprising. She seemed to be the one he couldn’t get out of his system.

I took a deep breath then finally turned my head and looked into his blue eyes. Emotion battled past the numbness I was hugging close to me like a cloak. This was home. This was safe. This was all what I knew.

"I’m staying," I told him.

A grin tugged at his lips and he nodded. "I’m glad. You’ve been missed. This is where you belong, B."

A few weeks ago I’d thought with momma gone I didn’t fit in anywhere. Maybe I had been wrong. My past was here.

"I don’t want to talk about Abe," I told him and shifted my gaze back to my mother’s grave.

"Done. I’ll never bring him up again."

I didn’t have to say anything else. I closed my eyes and prayed silently that my mom and sister were together and happy. Cain didn’t move. We stood there without speaking as the sun set.

When the darkness had finally settled over the cemetery, Cain slipped his hand into mine. "Come on, B. Let’s go find you somewhere to stay."

I let him lead me back down the path and to my truck. "Will you let me take you to Granny’s? She has a guest bedroom and she’d love to have you stay there. She’s all alone in that house. She might even call me less if she has some company."

Granny Q was Cain’s mother’s mother. She’d been my Sunday school teacher all during elementary school. She had also sent us meals once a week when my mom got too sick.

"I have some money. I was going to get a motel. I don’t want to impose on her."

Cain let out a hard laugh, "If she finds out you’re in a hotel room she’ll show up at the door raising hell. You’ll be in her house when she’s done with you. It’s easier just to go to her house now instead of causing a scene. Besides, B there is one motel in this town. You and I both know how many date nights have ended up at that place. Major yuck factor."

He was right.

"You don’t have to take me. I’ll go see her myself. You have Callie waiting on you," I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes. "Don’t go there, B. You know better. Snap of your fingers, babe. Just a snap of your fingers. That’s all it would take."

He’d been telling me that for years. It was a joke now. At least to me it was. My heart wasn’t there. Silver eyes flashed in my mind and the pain broke through the numbness. I knew where my heart was and I wasn’t sure I’d ever see it again. Not if I was going to survive.

Granny Q wouldn’t let me sit quietly. She wouldn’t let me settle. Tonight I needed peace. Solitude.

"Cain. I need this night alone. I need to think. I need to process. Tonight I need to stay at the motel. Please understand and help Granny understand. Just for tonight."

Cain looked out over my head with a frustrated scowl. I knew he wanted to ask questions but he was being careful. "B, I hate this. I know you’re hurting. I can see it all over your face. I’ve watched you hurt for so many years. It is slowly eating me up. Talk to me, B. You need to talk to someone."

He was right. I did need to talk to someone but right now I needed to worry about dealing internally. I’d tell him about Rosemary Beach eventually. I’d have to tell someone. Cain was the closest friend I had here.

"Give me some time," I said, looking up at him.

"Time," he nodded. "I’ve been giving you time for three years. I don’t see how a little more can hurt."

I opened the truck door and climbed inside. Tomorrow I’d be ready to face the truth. The facts. I could make it… tomorrow.

"Do you have a phone? I called your old number the day after you drove off and left me here and it said it was disconnected."

Rush. His face when he’d begged me to keep the phone he’d lied about flashed in my mind. The pain pressed through a little more.

I shook my head. "No. I don’t have one."

Cain’s scowl deepened. "Dangit, B. You shouldn’t be without a phone."

"I got a gun," I reminded him.

"You still need a phone. I doubt you’ve ever pulled that thing out on anyone in your life."