Finding Us (Finding #1)(45)
Author: Megan Smith

“Rex walks in and asks what he can do. I just shook my head and told him that just being here was enough. He stood in the corner of the room, out of the way. I stood and folded the blankets down Savanna’s body and rest my head on her stomach. I told our baby how much I loved both of them and that I was sorry I’d never been able to meet him or her, but at they would get a chance to know their mother and to watch out for each other up in heaven.”

How does someone ever recover from something like this?

“I placed a kiss on her stomach and pulled the covers back up. I kissed Savanna on the lips and told her all my plans that I had for the night and how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I took the engagement ring that I bought her and placed it on her hand and dropped to my knee and proposed to her. I knew I would never get an answer but I was ok with that. It was something I needed to do for myself.” Knox’s breathing gets harder and his voice is shaky. “I kissed her once more before telling her I loved her for the last and final time. I walked out of the hospital and went home.”

“I couldn’t be there when they pulled the plug on my girlfriend and unborn child. It just seemed cruel in my eyes even though I knew it is what they had to do. When I got home I packed everything of hers up. Every picture, piece of clothing, all the baby stuff and put it all in bags and threw it in the trash. I took a shower and sat in the chair in my room trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life now that everything was gone. The only thing that kept me going was Rex. I needed to be strong for him. He had no one and neither did I.”

“My parents were buried three days after they passed and Savanna and my baby were two days after that. I never cried, never grieved. What was the point? It wouldn’t bring them back. Before leaving the hospital I promised Savanna I would make whoever did this to my family pay.”

“After the investigation was over I knew who killed my family. Everything was swept under the rug like it never happened. I couldn’t let that happen. I needed revenge.”

I agree with Knox that Vivian deserved to pay for what she did to them.

“I watched your family from a distance. I knew where you went to school; I knew what kind of car you drove. I knew everything about your family. I hired a private investigator and uncovered who your real mother was. You up and disappeared after graduation. It took me a little while to find you but I didn’t really have to look hard because you kind of just fell into my lap. I thought I was finally catching a break.” Knox brings our hands up and kisses the back of mine. “Only problem was, I fell for you. I fell so damn hard. My plan was to get you to fall in love with me and then I was going to crush your family like your mother did to mine. I was going to lay it all out on the line that Marie was your mother and not Vivian. I started out fine but that night at Club Mango I couldn’t resist you anymore.”

I shake my head back and forth. “My god Knox.”

We lie there for a while not talking, both wrapped up in our heads.

Self-doubt creeps in and I start second guessing everything, my mind reels about our relationship. Am I a replacement for Savanna? I look just like her. When he tells me he loves me, does he mean it? Is he hiding anything else from me?

Can I trust Knox and believe what he tells me is true and be able to move forward with him?

Knox nudges me, “Talk to me.”

I close my eyes, “Knox I need some time. I need to sort this all out.”

Knox doesn’t say anything as I slip out of his bed and dress. When I’m done I steal a quick glance in his direction. His head is resting against his headboard and his eyes are closed.

“Knox?”

His eyes open, they are filled with remorse and so much pain and through all of that there is love there.

“Give me some time.”

He nods and closes his eyes again.

I just laid it all out for Jasmine. She knows everything. Time will tell what happens next.

EPILOGUE

Two years later…

I sit back in the rocking chair with my beautiful baby girl. She’s just had a bottle and now her little eyes are barely staying open.

I rub her little cheek with the back of my pointer finger, “Close your eyes princess.”

We rock for a while until she falls asleep. Knox and I have been though a lot these last few years.

When I left Knox in bed after his confession I was hurt, so hurt. I didn’t trust him or believe anything he’d ever said to me. We didn’t see each other for a few weeks. I needed to let things settle.

Summer showed up with Rex one night after everything went down. Rex explained that he told Knox not to do anything and that karma was a bitch and Vivian would get what she had coming for her. Rex doesn’t hold grudges and could never understand where Knox was coming from. I told him that I forgave him and thanked him for being on my side.

“Hey Rex?” I stopped him one night on his way out with Summer.

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think that Knox’s feeling for me are genuine?”

Rex smiles, “Jas, I know they are. He’s different with you. I’ve seen him in love before but with you, he’s different. He’s a good guy Jas, he was just hurt.”

I nod and go back to my mindless television.

One night, a few weeks after my talk with Rex, I found myself riding the elevator up to Knox’s apartment.

I knocked a few times, no one answered. I went back down the hall and waited for the elevator. When it opened Knox was standing there shirtless, his chest glistened and sweat dripped down his face.

“Hey.” Knox greets me as he steps off the elevator.

My heart pounds against my chest, “Hey.”

“You want to come in?” Knox asks over his shoulder as he unlocks his door. My eyes close for a second when they find his heart and angel wing tattoo on his back. The date makes sense now, it was the day he lost most of his family.

Deep breath Jasmine.

“Sure.”

Things were strained, we both knew it but you couldn’t deny the energy in the air between us.

That night Knox held me and swore that his love for me was real. I barely talked, all I did was cry. I believed him but I needed him to prove it to me.

We started our relationship over, a clean slate.

Knox proved himself over and over again. We made new memories and reflected back on some old ones, but not the painful ones. I held back from ha**ng s*x with Knox for a few months. I couldn’t do it.

Knox helped me work through my feelings about Marie being my real mother. I’ve always wished that Marie was my mom and not Vivian, funny how that worked out. I visited her a few times alone and sometimes with Knox. Those first few trips with him and Marie were hard. I felt left out when they spoke of Savanna but I got to know a little about her.