Following Her (Page 31)

But right now, her aunt Maggie was preparing their Thanksgiving meal with the help of her friends, the house was bustling with activity, and Ella had nothing to be thankful for.

Yes, she had a great life, with a great home, and friends, and family, but she hadn’t seen Axel in a week—an entire week! Hadn’t heard from him, hadn’t seen him, didn’t even know if he was still in town.

There was no way she was going to call him. She’d already made a fool of herself by telling him she loved him in a moment of weakness. She couldn’t make things worse by begging him to please come back to her. She’d picked up her phone a hundred times, only to put it back down. She couldn’t take back the words. And, she realized, she didn’t want to.

She loved him. There was no way she could explain how or when it happened. All she knew for sure was that to live each day without him hurt her heart, made her feel as if she was slowly dying inside. But she was going to have to figure it out, because he was gone, and it didn’t appear as if he was coming back.

Ella tried to enjoy the conversations around her, tried to join in when others laughed, but she felt like an empty shell. She might be fooling some of her family members, but her cousin Bryson didn’t appear to be buying it. Maybe because his buddy Axel had called him and told him that his cousin was a clingy freak.

Not able to sit in the living room any longer, she moved to the sunporch and gazed out at the snow-covered pasture. She’d been lucky to grow up in a small town in Montana. Sure, she lived in the city now, but home was only a couple of hours away, and she came as often as she could. The city could never make her feel as alive as the fresh mountain air did.

“You don’t seem to be in the holiday spirit this year, cuz.” Pasting on her best smile, Ella turned and looked at Bryson as he joined her on the sunporch.

“I’m happy to be here. Just a lot going on at work,” she lied, not wanting to ruin anyone else’s fun.

“You know you’re not fooling anyone here, especially those of us who have been lucky enough to fall in love,” he said as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in for a hug.

“I think I’m doing a pretty good job.” There was no way she was going to ask him about Axel, no freaking way.

“He’s not a bad guy. And from the conversations I’ve had with him, I think he’s just as smitten with you as you are with him.” Ella didn’t even attempt to ask her cousin who he was talking about.

“Let’s not worry about anything right now. Your mother is preparing a delicious meal, and I’m looking forward to our annual snow football game,” she finally said.

“This year you’re going down,” he said as he released her. “I’ll give you a few minutes alone.”

“Thanks, Bryson.”

He left and she sat down on the window seat and continued gazing out at the lawn as she watched several of her family members slip outside and begin pummeling each other with snowballs. That, more than anything, brought her closer to tears.

Would she have slipped and told Axel she loved him if they hadn’t been caught up in the moment? Maybe not right then, but it would have eventually come out. She loved him, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

“You know, a person has to be pretty brave to face this family.”

Ella’s body tensed at the familiar voice. For a brief moment, she thought she was wanting to hear it so badly that she’d imagined it, but then she turned and there he was, looking beautiful, standing in front of her, his cheeks glowing, his eyes shining, his lips turned up in a slight smile.

“Axel, what are you doing here?” There were so many things she wanted to say to him, and those were the words that popped from her mouth. What was wrong with her?

“Bryson invited me, promised me this was the only place to be for Thanksgiving,” he said as he slowly moved forward.

“Oh.” Crushed, she tried her best not to let it show how much his words were killing her. He wasn’t there for her, he was there for his best friend. Of course he was. Why would she think differently when he hadn’t bothered to speak to her for an entire week?

“The other day in the snow, I . . . I ran away,” he said, and she was filled with more confusion.

“It was cold,” she said lamely, trying to give him an excuse.

“That’s not why I ran away, Ella.” His eyes were intense as he moved toward her, then dropped to his knees and grabbed her hands.

The feel of his fingers in hers brought instant tears to her eyes. Would this be the last time she’d be able to touch him?

“I shouldn’t have said what I did. I ruined everything,” she said, trying desperately not to cry, not to make this worse. He was Bryson’s friend. She was bound to see him again and again, even if it wasn’t nearly enough.

“No, what you said was amazing, and it stunned me because in that moment I realized I loved you, too. I can’t go a single hour without thinking of you, or a single day without going through withdrawals from not holding you. I’m independent. I don’t like to be tied down. I like to move around, be where the action is, which I get to do when I’m assigned cases. I didn’t want this, any of this, but then I met you, and ever since I can’t seem to think straight and it scares the hell out of me,” he said, his words almost angry.

“I . . . I don’t understand,” Ella stammered. He’d just said he loved her, hadn’t he? But he didn’t sound like a man telling a woman he loved her. “You love me?”