Hot Finish (Fast Track #3)(53)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“Our baby was conceived in the front seat of a car! That’s just tacky!”

Did it matter? It wasn’t like they were going to print it on the kid’s birth certificate or anything. Not to mention, it had been a passionate reunion, with pheromones flying. Ryder thought that was kind of an awesome way to be conceived, with your parents totally digging on each other and in love. But he knew better than to say any of that.

“It was probably later in the night, when we were in bed. In fact, I’m sure of it.”

She looked at him like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever said, which it probably was, but hell, what was he supposed to say?

“How could you possibly know that?” she asked in irritation.

“Okay, I don’t! Any more than you know it was in the car. And it doesn’t matter, we’re not going to tell anyone that you might have gotten pregnant in the front seat.”

“I told Imogen and Tammy.”

While his initial reaction was one of hurt that she’d shared their news with her girlfriends first, Ryder knew that was normal for a woman. Besides, they weren’t exactly Leave It to Beaver at the moment. It wasn’t quite the regular way of things when you find out you’re having a baby. Love, marriage, baby. For them, it had been more like love, baby, marriage. Divorce, sort of marriage, baby again. Love? He wasn’t sure where that fit into the equation anymore.

Suzanne’s eyes looked a little wild and her lip was trembling, but the sobs had quieted down. Ryder took her hand. “Come on, babe, let’s just take a deep breath and sit down on the couch, alright?”

She nodded. “Alright, you’re right. Sitting down is good.”

“How have you been feeling?” he asked her as they settled onto her sofa next to each other. “You look tired.”

“I’ve been nauseous and tired. Normal I guess, but needless to say, I’ve been stressed.”

He wanted to reassure her, but he also wanted to proceed with caution. If there were more tears, he wasn’t sure he could be trusted not to panic. “I know this is unexpected, but this is a wonderful surprise. I mean, a baby. Our baby. Suz, that makes me really damn happy, and I’ll do whatever you need me to.”

She looked at her hands in her lap, nails digging into the denim of her jeans. “You don’t really have to do anything, you know. Like I said, this was pretty much my fault, and I know that you didn’t really want children, so it’s fine. Contribute as little or as much as you want, it’s all good.”

Uh, that really wasn’t what he’d expected her to say. Ryder wasn’t sure what bit of fiction in there he needed to address first. He’d go with the biggie. “Why in the hell would you say I don’t want children? Of course I want children.”

“Then why haven’t you gotten married and started a family?”

What the f**k? Ryder was starting to wonder if those hormonal changes people talked about had kicked in already because Suzanne was acting nuts. “Because I haven’t met anyone I wanted to marry and start a family with. Besides you, that is.”

“But our baby and marriage weren’t planned.”

“So? I told you before that it happened sooner than I expected but I knew I was going to marry you. A baby was a bonus.” Ryder pried her hand away from her leg and wrapped his around it. “Suzanne,” he told her softly, “when we lost that baby, I was devastated. I wanted that baby with you more than anything.”

His chest felt tight just thinking about it. And now that they had a second chance, well, damn, he was starting to understand the tears.

“But . . . but you never said anything. And you never mentioned trying again . . . I thought you didn’t want to.”

Ryder stared at her flabbergasted. “You thought I didn’t want to try again? I was just waiting for you to say something, honey. I was afraid if I brought it up, it would be too soon, that you’re weren’t ready, because you never said you wanted to.”

“Of course I wanted to. I wanted to right away.”

“Oh, my God.” Ryder took his free hand and ran it through his hair. “Talk about a total lack of communication, damn. That pretty much sums up our marriage, doesn’t it?”

“So you’re telling me you wanted to try again for a baby?” Suzanne was fiddling with the gold chain around her throat. “You really did?”

“Yes.” Seeing that look on her face, knowing what they’d both been through, Ryder had a thousand regrets, a million self-recriminations. But right now all he could do was pull Suzanne into his arms and rest his forehead on hers. “Yes, babe, yes. I can’t imagine any other woman as the mother of my child.”

Ryder wiped the tears off her cheeks and kissed her trembling lips. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. “Jesus, why didn’t we ever talk about this?”

“Because we’re stubborn and emotionally stunted,” she told him with a sniffle, cuddling up against his chest, like she was enjoying being held.

Ryder gave a soft laugh. “Which one am I, stubborn or emotionally stunted?”

“I think we each have a fair amount of both. Let’s face it—I have abandonment issues from my mother and your parents were so indulgent anything you did half-ass was always more than good enough.”

Well, that was slicing through it with a knife. “I guess that’s true on both counts. But we could fix all that by just talking about our feelings.”

Suzanne pulled back, wiping her eyes. “That’s crazy talk, Jefferson. Talking about feelings? Lordy, we’ll have to reconfigure our whole way of dealing with each other.”

“Baby steps, right?” Ryder nudged her knee with his. “Get it, baby steps.”

She gave a laugh that dissolved into a cough. “You’re a dork and I need to blow my nose.”

“See? That’s genuine emotion right there. We’re making progress already.”

Suzanne stood up and walked across the room toward the kitchen. “Do you want a drink? A beer? I need some water.”

“I’ll get it. Why don’t you sit back down? You look tired.”

She turned and gave him a wry look. “That’s like the third time you’ve said that. I get it, okay? I look like hell in a handbasket. I am well aware of that fact, thank you.”

“You don’t look like hell, you look tired, and I was offering because I’m nice and I’m concerned about you. Nothing more, nothing less.”