I Owe You One (Page 64)

Only he hadn’t, had he? It was all lies.

Or at least … I draw myself up short, thinking furiously, trying to remember. Did anyone ever actually lie to me? Or did I simply assume?

I’m waiting to feel a surge of fury with Mum, but it doesn’t come. I can’t blame her. It’s her money. I can’t even feel angry with Jake. I just feel kind of rueful. Because how much of my life have I spent comparing myself to Jake? And how utterly pointless was that?

“As for your uncle Ned, I reckon Jake pulled the wool over his eyes,” says Bob thoughtfully. “I should think Jake threw his big words around and they drank their gins and Ned didn’t ask any questions. But here’s the thing: If you’re responsible for someone’s money, you’ve got to be able to ask questions. Doesn’t matter if you sound stupid.” His face breaks into a rare smile. “I’m never afraid of sounding stupid. Just ask, is what I say. Can’t hurt to ask.”

“You’re never stupid, Bob,” I say warmly. “You’re a star.”

“Ah well,” says Bob, looking mortified. “That’s going a bit far. Just do the job, is what I do.”

“OK, well, Fixie, you’re right,” says Nicole, putting the printouts down. “As usual.” She shoots me a little grin, and I grin back and decide I won’t mention that she left the kitchen in a total tip this morning.

—

By the following afternoon we’re all set—and at six o’clock we’re waiting on the steps of Grosvenor Heights, all three of us: Leila, Nicole, and me. We’re standing in a row, under the lights of the smart entrance porch, and I’m shivering slightly with cold. Nerves too. Jake’s texted Leila to say he’s on his way home; he shouldn’t be long now. I glance at the others, and Nicole’s jaw is tense. Leila looks, frankly, terrified. But at least she’s going through with it. She’s tougher than she seems, Leila.

And then suddenly there he is, walking toward the building, looking at his phone, and we all stiffen. As he notices us, his face jerks with shock, and his pace speeds up.

“What’s going on?” he demands as he gets near. “Why are you all here? Is it Mum?”

“No,” says Nicole. “It’s you.”

“What?” Jake stares from face to face, his phone dangling from his hand. “What are you talking about?”

Nicole and I glance at Leila and she steps forward, her face trembling but brave. “Jakey, we’re moving out. We’re letting the flat. We can’t afford to live here anymore. We’ll get a good price.”

Jake’s eyes darken. “You have to be kidding. She’s kidding.” He looks at Nicole and me. “She’s gone nuts, right?”

“My dad and I put a new TV on the wall,” Leila presses on resolutely. “A cheap one. It looks OK. The agent’s bringing a professional couple round in an hour. Three more tomorrow. He thinks if we price it right, it’ll go quickly.”

Jake’s face has gone almost rubbery with shock. He stares blankly at Leila, then makes a visible effort to pull himself together.

“This is bollocks,” he says, pushing past her. “Excuse me, could I please get through to my own home?”

“I’ve changed the locks,” Leila calls after him, and Jake slowly wheels round.

“You’ve what?” he says ominously.

“I’ve changed the locks. Just to … to make things clear.”

“You’ve locked me out of my own home? You can’t do that!” he bellows, erupting, and Leila looks like she might collapse.

“Well, she did it,” I say, putting an arm around Leila. “Jake, you can’t go on like this.”

“What the hell are you two doing here, anyway?” He turns on us like a riled tiger.

“We’re moral support,” says Nicole. “ ‘If you want to go fast, go alone,’ ” she adds wisely, glancing at me. “ ‘If you want to go far, go together.’ ”

I’m fairly sure she got that quote off a cushion, but I nod gratefully at her. The thing about all Nicole’s quotes is that some of them are actually pretty good. Especially the wooden sign she gave me yesterday, which reads, YOU’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK. I’ve looked at it quite a lot—and it does make me feel stronger.

“Jakey, do you have any money coming in?” Leila says, her hands twisting anxiously. “Any actual money?”

“I have … I have a stack of potential deals,” says Jake, his face evasive. “There’s a guy in Northampton who deals in wine. I have irons in the fire—”

“You don’t have any irons in the fire,” Leila cuts him off sorrowfully. “You don’t.”

A police siren blares in the next street and for a moment no one speaks, and I suddenly find myself thinking of Ryan. Jake’s too much like Ryan. It’s as if he’s still trying to be Ryan. Just like he always has done, since they were teenagers. All big names and swagger. It was Ryan who made living like a millionaire seem normal to Jake. Of course, Jake was always ambitious; he always wanted money. But even so, I wish he’d never met Ryan. That neither of us had.

“My dad’s here to take me home,” says Leila, raising her chin. Her skinny legs are encased in tight jeans and high-heeled boots and her nails are works of iridescent art. She looks so dignified, I want to hug her. “All your stuff’s in the van. Dad says you’re welcome to come and live with us for a bit.”

“You’ve moved out my stuff?” Jake reels, as though under a fresh blow.

“We’re renting the flat out, Jake,” Leila says, as though explaining to someone very stupid. “I had to.”

“All right, love? I’ve had to move the van, bloody traffic wardens.” We all look up as a gruff voice hails Leila. It’s her dad, Tony. I’ve met him a few times; he has a building firm in Northwood. He’s a big, strong guy with callused hands, and he runs his eyes up and down Jake’s smart suit with barely concealed contempt. I’m not sure they’ve ever really got on. “If you’re in trouble, I can give you a job on the site,” he adds to Jake in short tones. “You’re unskilled, so it would be basic pay.”

“Thanks, Dad,” says Leila. Her eyes fix on Jake like lamps, and I can see her message: “Thank my dad.”

“Thanks, Tony,” says Jake, sounding as though the words are choking him.

“Right. Well.” Tony strides away and Leila totters after him.

“Wait, Dad. I’ll come. Give me a sec.” She turns to Jake again on her clippy-cloppy heel, her delicate face full of a strength that makes it even more beautiful than usual. “We’ll be in the van for ten minutes, OK? You can come to ours—or we can deliver your stuff somewhere else. But if you come with me, you’ve got to want to come. You’ve got to want it, Jakey. You and me …” Her voice begins to tremble. “We can be something. It’s not about you buying me stuff or being a hero or how many clubs we go to. It’s about you and me making plans and enjoying life together and … and being us. But you’ve got to want to be us, Jakey.” She points at him and then herself with her slender fingers. “You’ve got to want to be us.”

She finishes and there’s a breathless beat. Then she turns back and hurries toward her dad, who links his arm in hers and together they disappear around the corner, while I resist the urge to shout, “Go, Leila!”

I risk a look at Jake—and feel a pang of shock. He looks ill. He’s sunk onto his haunches and his head is bent and his shoulders are heaving. At last he raises his head, and he’s not crying but he looks close.

“You fucking ganged up on me,” he says, his voice muffled. “You’re family.”

“That’s why we ganged up on you,” I say. “Because we’re family. Because we care about you.”

I used to yearn so hard for the sunshine of Jake’s approval. But now I’m feeling a different kind of glow. Conviction that we’re doing the right thing.

“So, what, you think I should work on a building site?” he says with a miserable glare. “That’s what you think of me?”

“Why shouldn’t you work on a building site?” I say, in sudden fury. “Who do you think you are? Jake, stop trying to be posh. Be proud of where you came from. Leila’s right, you’ve got to want to be who you are. And you’re Jake Farr. Be proud of that.”

For a moment Jake just stares ahead as though he hasn’t heard me.

“Be proud of being Jake Farr,” he says at last, his voice empty. “Proud of what? I have nothing.”

He buries his head in his hands again, looking desolate, and I have a flashback to my own desolation when Farr’s Food went under. The grief I used to feel when I looked at my green aprons under the bed. I felt as though life would never be good again.

But maybe I was lucky, I find myself thinking. We’ve all got to have some kind of failure in life, and I had mine early. I got back on my feet. I learned that failing doesn’t mean you are a failure; it just means you’re a human being.