Light in the Shadows (Find You in the Dark #2)(39)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

And I was listening, honestly. But that wouldn’t change my decision. My mind was set.

“Does that mean I have to come back? Because I was under the impression that I could make those decisions for myself now,” I said sharply, not liking the fact that I was now starting to second guess myself.

“You are one hundred percent right. You control where you go and what you do. You are an adult now, Clay. You are not a direct danger to yourself or others, so I can’t force you to readmit yourself. But I won’t lie to you; I’m very concerned about you leaving treatment so abruptly, whatever the reason. Given the severity of your illness, you can’t take that lightly. But if you are set against returning to Grayson, I think we need to put some things into place to ensure you won’t relapse. Which includes continuing your medication regimen. No ifs, ands or buts, Clayton,” Dr. Todd explained.

“I know that, Doc. I won’t forget to take my medicine like a good little boy,” I spat out, taking my frustration out on the person I knew could take it.

Dr. Todd didn’t address my surly attitude. “And you need to continue with your therapy, but on an outpatient basis now. I want you to call the counselor I told you about. Shaemus Laughtry is one of the best LPCs in the field. I have worked with him in the past and I’m more than comfortable with transferring your case to him. He and I can work together to ensure your treatment is seamless. I’m serious about this Clay. You can’t afford to quit now. You’ve come a long way, but you still have a lot ahead of you.”

I had every intention of reaching out to the other therapist, but hearing Dr. Todd put it like that, I felt scared. Was I ready to try this whole living on my own terms thing? I had wanted the ability to call the shots, to do this my way. But now that I was being handed the keys to the kingdom, I sort of wanted to give them back.

I started to pick at the skin around my fingernail again. The area was already raw, but that didn’t stop me from digging a little deeper. “Yeah, I will. I’ll call him first thing tomorrow and set up an appointment,” I agreed.

“Good. I’m glad to hear that. And I would still like you to call and check in with me until you start seeing Shaemus regularly. It’s important you start building your support systems there. I know that Ruby and Lisa have always been your primary supports, but that system is no longer in place. So, Clay, you need to start building a new one. Shaemus can help you do that. Without that foundation, it makes the rest so much more difficult.” Dr. Todd was right; I couldn’t exactly depend on Ruby right now. And that freaked me out.

I swallowed thickly, trying not to panic at how alone I suddenly felt. “Okay,” I said quietly.

“You can do this, Clay. But when you think you can’t, but please call if you need me” he urged and I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. I felt like the floor was opening up beneath me and I was about to be sucked in. This was not a good way for me to feel.

“What if I do it again? What if I f**k it all up? I’m not good at the whole good decision making thing. Am I making a huge mistake staying here?” I hated the pleading in my voice. But I needed to hear total and complete honesty, at whatever the cost.

I heard Dr. Todd let out a sigh. “I can’t answer that, Clay. I can’t predict what will happen. All I can say is that you are a smart young man and if you remember the things you’ve been learning. How to reframe, how to step back and look at your choices before you act on them. You can make this work for you. And when you feel like you can’t do it, that’s when you need to ask for help. Never be ashamed to admit you can’t handle it. There’s nothing weak in acknowledging when things are greater than you.”

I wish I had Dr. Todd’s ability to say exactly the right thing. It was a skill I could get a hell of a lot of mileage out of right now.

“Thanks Doc. I’ll call Mr. Laughtry in the morning and then let you know what I can work out. I appreciate everything, really.”

“As I’ve always told you, Clayton, it’s what I’m here for. I look forward to hearing from you.” And with that, we disconnected the call. Now that was out of the way, I had an entire day left in order to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

Ruby hadn’t been to her shop in over a week. I knew there had to be inventory and shelving to be done. I went up the stairs and lightly knocked on her bedroom door. When there was no answer I looked inside to find her still asleep. So I left her to it, leaving her a note letting her know where I was.

Then I grabbed my keys and my wallet and headed to my car. I headed down the familiar streets until I saw a sign for the coffee shop, Java Madness. I seemed to remember Ruby telling me this is where Maggie worked.

So what did I do? I pulled into the small parking lot and then went inside. I looked around noticing that it was pretty quiet. I approached the counter to place my order. I didn’t see Maggie anywhere. Maybe she wasn’t working. But I was already there, so I might as well get something.

“What can I get ya?” a tall guy with red hair who was working the industrial espresso machine asked without looking at me. I glanced up at the menu.

“Uh, just a coffee, black. And one of those chocolate croissant things. To go, please.” I pulled my wallet out and got some cash. When I looked back up, Mr. Red Head was staring at me with a peculiar look on his face. Did I know this guy? I looked at him a little closer. He did seem familiar, but I couldn’t place him. I assumed he went to Jackson, he was about my age. But that didn’t explain why he seemed almost pissed to see me. Did I have some altercation with this dude that I couldn’t remember? It was highly likely, given how much of a dick I was during my last go around in Davidson.

“Clay Reed. I heard you were back in town,” he said as though I had made it my mission to f**k up his morning. What the hell was this guy’s problem?

“And you are?” I asked acidly, narrowing my eyes a bit as he tried to mad dog me. Was he seriously trying to play macho man while wearing a f**king apron with a smiling coffee pot on it?

“Jake Fitzsimmons,” he answered as if that explained everything. Jake Fitzsimmons? I arched my eyebrow.

“Sorry buddy, I don’t know who the hell you are.” I was way past caring how rude I sounded. This guy was rubbing me the wrong way.

Jake smirked as though he knew he was getting to me. “Maggie’s friend,” he expanded and then it all clicked. Jake Fitzsimmons. Daniel’s friend who spent way too much time sniffing around my girl. Now I knew why my appearance had him looking as though he had swallowed glass. He had always had a hard on for Maggie. And it was pretty apparent that hadn’t changed. Had this f**king douche moved in as soon as I was out of the picture? Shit, was Maggie with this guy now?