Lost for You (Lost #2)(12)
Author: B.J. Harvey

We pull up outside my apartment building and suddenly the panic sets in. I feel a panic attack coming on, so I try to concentrate on my breathing in an effort to keep it at bay. Brax turns the car off and turns towards me, looking concerned.

“Are you okay darlin’?” he asks.

I take another deep breath and exhale slowly, wincing a little because of the tenderness in my chest.

“I will be. I think I just need to get this over with and get inside.”

“The boys cleaned the place up. There’s a new bed, and the walls have been fixed up. It looks as good as new, baby, and I’m going to be here with you. Every step of the way if you’ll let me,” he adds nervously.

I lean towards him, cupping his cheek with my hand.

“I’m so glad you came back,” I say shakily before moving to kiss him. His arm snakes around my shoulders, carefully pulling me closer to him.

“I don’t think I can ever leave you again. It’s just not possible,” he murmurs before gently tugging on my bottom lip and pushing his tongue into my mouth, kissing me softly like I might break. I softly moan into his mouth, and he tightens his grip around my shoulders, our tongues waging a passionate battle. As my breathing picks up, I start to feel light headed in a good way. No, scratch that, in a fantastic way.

All too soon, he tears his lips from mine. “Let’s get you upstairs before I end up giving the neighbors a show they’ll never forget,” he says with a smirk, and I can’t help but grin back at him.

“Can’t have that happen, can we?”

“Minx,” he whispers before giving me another quick kiss and getting out of the car. I have a feeling that the next few weeks of taking it easy will be all the more interesting now.

Damn it’s hard to keep my hands off her. I remember how good it feels to be with her, to be inside her and bringing her to climax, then watching her come apart. But knowing how fragile she is right now puts a dampener on my amorous intentions. My job is to take care of her; show her that I’m here for the long haul.

I carry her suitcase and grab her arm, helping her get out of the car and through the front door of the apartment building. We take the stairs slowly, being careful not to wear her out too much, or cause her any stress. The specialist told Elle to stay calm as much as possible, and I plan on making sure that is exactly what happens.

Unlocking the apartment door, we walk in, and I hear Elle gasp at the sight of a huge bunch of Peruvian lilies that are sitting in a vase on the coffee table.

“Brax,” she says with soft eyes as she wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me.

I put her suitcase down, kissing her forehead before wrapping my arms around her.

“The florist told me they represent everlasting love. I’m going to try and make it up to you for leaving if you’ll let me,” I explain.

“Brax,” she says warmly. “I already know you love me, but these are beautiful. Thank you.” She lifts her head to kiss me.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m gonna make this whole mess up to you, I promise.”

She lets out a sigh as she pulls away and goes to sit down on the couch, looking up at me. “What do you mean, ‘this mess’? None of this was your fault, Brax. You didn’t shoot me.”

“I wasn’t here when you needed me, and you got hurt. I’ll never forgive myself,” I say, my voice cracking.

“Come here, babe.” She pats her hand on the couch beside her. I move around the table and sit next to her, pulling her up into my lap.

“You are not to blame for this. I told you that, and I thought you’d listened to me, but I think I need to say it again. Yes, we need to talk about you leaving, but right now I just want you to hold me…” she places her warm hands on my jaw, “and kiss me.”

She leans in, gently touching her lips to mine, her delicious tongue teasing my closed lips until they open of their own accord. I can’t hold back the groan that escapes when she moves her hands down from my face and runs them down my chest. I feel myself harden underneath her as I move my hand behind her neck, holding her close to me as I devour her mouth. I’m pouring all of my soul into this one kiss; my desperation, my sadness, my overwhelming guilt.

She shifts her legs around so that she’s straddling me, her pelvis pushing directly against my hard length. She whimpers as she starts rocking her body against mine. I can tell this situation is going to get out of control, and soon, so I pull my mouth away from her.

“Darlin’, I don’t want to hurt you,” I pant, trying to catch my breath.

“You’re only going to hurt me if you stop this,” she murmurs against my lips. She is so close to me that I can feel the desire and heat that rolls off her.

Her eyes are full of hunger, a yearning to be with me. My resolve to restrain myself dissolves as I take her mouth again, groaning as we grind against each other. I cup her br**sts, rubbing my thumbs over the hard peaks, causing her to drop her head back and whimper against me.

“I think we should move this to the bedroom. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to have to go slow and gentle. It’s been so long, and you’re still recovering. And, more than anything else, I want to take my time with you.” My voice has gone husky; I can’t remember the last time I was this far gone.

“Okay,” she says quietly, kissing me hard on the lips. She tries to get off my lap, but I tighten my grip, stopping her. I stand up, and walk through our apartment and into the bedroom with her legs wrapped around my waist.

As soon as we walk through the door, her whole body goes stiff.

“Elle?”

“I…I…shit!” she says, burying her face in my neck.

“Darlin’, it’s okay. I thought this might happen,” I murmur into her hair as I sit on the bed and start rubbing her back, hushing her as her whole body starts shaking.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else?” I’m more than willing to leave the apartment and take her to the nearest hotel if it will help get rid of her anxiety.

“I don’t know,” I hear her say, her voice muffled against my chest.

“Tell me how I can help you, Elle. What do you need?” I ask. I’m desperate now. I want her to feel comfortable; this is her home for god’s sake.

She lifts her head and looks at me. “I need you. Just you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” I reassure her as I move my mouth towards hers again. She parts her lips and tenderly kisses me back. This is going to be slow and gentle. I want her to know how much I love her, and I’m going to show it to her with my body.