Lost for You (Lost #2)(16)
Author: B.J. Harvey

“You’re in on it too,” she says, sounding irritated now.

“It’s nothing like that, Elle. First it was a job, then Brax met you and even I couldn’t stop him falling head over heels. It hasn’t been a job to us for a long time. We’ll do anything to keep you safe,” I declare, hoping she’s listening this time.

“Where is he?” she asks cautiously.

“He’s parked in my car outside the building. He took over from me after you called.”

She slowly walks over to the living room window, and her body jolts the moment she sees him.

I look out the window and see Shay’s red Toyota parked outside the next building down from mine. I lock eyes with Brax and lose myself in his gaze, even from this far away. I can’t seem to tear myself away from the window.

This is the man I fell in love with. The man I desperately pined for after he left me. The man who has spent the last three weeks at my bedside, holding my hand, stroking my hair out of my face while I slept, helping me do the little things that are now a big effort for me. The man who I thought was the man of my dreams.

The man who I know is the love of my life.

Just hours ago we were making love. Connecting on another level, so divine I didn’t want it to stop. He’s the only one I want to touch me with that delectable mouth of his. I crave his touch with unexplained hunger that can never be satisfied. Those moments when we climax together are total and utter bliss, something I’ve never felt with anyone else before.

How can I go from being in a loved up bubble of pure joy one moment, to having my whole belief system shattered to pieces in the space of a few minutes? Why couldn’t he just tell me the truth from the beginning? What is the threat to my safety that warrants a stranger paying for protection for me?

So many questions I need answered before I can even contemplate letting him back into my life.

“Who do you work for, Shay?” I ask without turning around.

He clears his throat. I can tell he’s not feeling comfortable. “Victor Bertorelli.”

“Why do I know that name?”

“He’s a well-known businessman in Atlanta,” he replies. I can tell he is being very careful with what he says.

“Businessman?”

“Ah, yeah. Amongst other things you don’t want to know about.”

“Oh my god. The Bertorelli family?”

I turn around and look straight at him as he drops his head and nods. “Why the hell would a criminal like him want to protect me?” I ask quietly, trying to fathom what man like that, with family connections like that, would want with me.

“Because you were being threatened,” he says, sounding uncomfortable.

I turn back to lock eyes with Brax through the window, almost like I’m scared to look away from him. Even from this distance, I can see the pain written all over his face. This forced separation is hurting him as much as it is hurting me, but I can’t trust myself to talk to him right now without saying something I’ll later regret.

“Who am I being protected from? The guy who shot me?” I scoff. “That turned out well, didn’t it?”

“I really think you should be asking Brax these questions, Elle. I may be his partner in this, but he is your boyfriend. You need to talk to him,” he replies, his voice sounding flat.

I clear my throat, trying to mask the doubt in my voice. “And what does he know that you don’t?”

“Nothing. We tell each other everything, just like Brax tells you everything.”

I rock on my heels, my arms wrapping tight around my waist. “Not everything it seems.”

“Look, I’ll go get him, you guys can talk this out. He’ll tell you everything you want to know. This secret has been tearing him up inside for months” he says. I can hear him get up from the couch and walk behind me.

“I can’t” I reply shakily, barely holding the tears back.

I take a last look at Brax before turning around to face Shay.

“I don’t think I can see him right now,” I spit out before the dam breaks and I start sobbing uncontrollably.

Shay rushes to my side, pulling me into his chest as I grip his shirt and let the sadness take hold.

“Shh, Elle. It’ll all be okay. He loves you more than life itself, you know. It tore him apart to leave you the last time, and I know he is hurting just as much as you are right now. As much as it kills him not to be the one to comfort you right now, he does want to explain everything when you are ready.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” I mumble, my face still buried in his chest.

“It doesn’t matter how long it takes, hon. I know he’ll wait. He told me a long time ago that his life had no meaning until the moment he saw that photo of you in the file. The minute he met you, I could see the change in him. I knew he was a goner. He has a purpose now, something he hasn’t had for a long time.”

I pull away and narrow my eyes at him. “And what’s that? Keep me safe because he’s being paid to?”

“No, Elle. To love and protect you. This isn’t a job anymore.”

I shake my head, “As much as I want to believe you, he lied to me. That’s always been a deal breaker.”

“We had to lie to you, Elle. It was too dangerous for you to know.”

“So, who are you supposedly protecting me from then?”

“Elle, I-”

“SHAY!” I scream angrily. “WHO ARE YOU PROTECTING ME FROM?”

He takes a step back, shocked by my sudden outburst. He grabs the back of his neck with his hand, looking down at the ground like he’s trying to decide what to say.

“Harry Brimstone,” he says quietly, looking up at me with a frown.

I gasp and manage to turn around before collapsing on the love seat. I drop my head on my knees and wrap my arms around my head.

“Go! I don’t want you here,” I say defiantly from my curled up position. I don’t need to ask twice because I hear Shay’s footsteps walk away from me. When I hear the front door close behind him, I lose control of my emotions and burst into tears.

The tightness in my chest moves up my throat, and I’m too weak to fight the panic attack that starts taking hold of my body.

What the hell is going on? How has everything come crashing down around me, again?

I let myself crumble to the floor; let the panic take hold of me. I know it will pass, it always does. And I’ll be alone, again. Alone and numb.