Lost for You (Lost #2)(15)
Author: B.J. Harvey

And of all the people in the world, I never thought it would be Brax who would break me again.

My sobs consume me, eventually subsiding into a feeling of dread, a feeling of loss. Do I want to hear what he still says he needs to tell me? Better yet, can I handle what he needs to tell me?

I close my eyes, breathing deeply like my therapist instructed me. Sleep eventually comes over me in a crashing wave. I cling to the hope that all of my hurt and doubt will wash away. Though, I don’t think it is going to be that easy.

I’m in the hospital room.

The room is silent except for the sound of my heart monitor and the constant drip of my IV.

It’s dark. The green line of my heartbeat is the only thing breaking through the darkness. My eyes open, blurry at first, barely able to make out the outline of a shadow in the doorway.

My breathing quickens, and soon I’m gasping for air.

I bring my hands up to shield my eyes, but soon the shadow advances on me, stopping at the end of the bed. I’m wheezing now, barely able to take in enough air to keep breathing.

The shadow’s arms lift up and point to me. I try screaming, but I can’t make a sound. It’s then I know that he’s come back for me.

He wants to finish the job he started. He wants me to join my family.

“Elle,” he says in a quiet, gravelly voice, still enough to cut through the silence.

“Elle,” he repeats. “It’s our time.” He shrieks, a strange high pitched scream just as an explosion ricochets through me.

I sit straight up in the bed. Disorientated, it takes me a few minutes to realize that I’m okay. I’m not in the hospital anymore; I’m at home. Reaching around in the bed beside me, I try to find the comfort that I remember isn’t with me tonight.

I’m drenched in sweat, clammy to the touch and breathing way too fast. It was another nightmare, a dream that felt so real I could have sworn the man was standing right in front of me. I grab my phone off the bedside table. I can’t do this anymore; I need Brax more than I need the truth.

I stop myself before I connect the call. I can’t have him right now. I can’t call him and ask him to come soothe me after what he told me; after I sent him away.

Right now, I may not have the willpower to stay away from him, but I have the forethought to know that I can’t just forgive and forget.

Elle: Shay, Can you come sleep on the couch? I can’t be alone tonight.

Shay: Sure thing, babe. Open the door in five minutes.

Elle: Did you know?

Shay: Yeah, hon.

Elle: Figures.

Shay may not be the man I want, but right now he’s the closest thing to security I have. Knowing I’m not alone in the apartment tonight might keep the demons at bay. God help me, it better.

Shay: Dude, Elle just texted me asking me to go sleep on her couch. Says she can’t be alone.

Brax: Fuck! I should’ve kept my f**king mouth shut.

Shay: Bro, it was eating you up inside.

Brax: Doesn’t help her now, does it?

Shay: I think you should go to her.

Brax: She told me to stay away.

Shay: That was before. She says she can’t be alone right now.

Brax: I have to wait until she is ready. I don’t want to f**k this up.

Shay: Okay, I’ll go, but you need to come take over from me outside.

God, I hope I’m doing the right thing. Elle doesn’t need me sleeping on her couch; she needs Brax, the man who loves her more than life itself. She needs the security that I know only Brax can give her. Maybe sooner, rather than later, she’ll realize that she needs him now more than ever. Dammit, why did he have to be so damn honorable?

As soon as Brax arrives, I punch him in the stomach, not holding anything back. I’m pissed off at him for doing this, even though I was a major part of it.

“Ow! What was that for, bro?” he splutters, bending over as he tries to recover from the blow.

“Why the f**k did you decide to tell her now? Her first f**king night home from the hospital!” I ask, unable to hide my anger.

“I had to. I couldn’t keep it in any more. She didn’t let me tell her everything, so right now all she knows is that I lied to her and that I was hired to protect her. You need to get her to see me so that I can tell her the rest. She needs to know.”

“Well right now, it’s me that has to go upstairs and calm your girlfriend down because something has scared the shit out of her” I explain, grabbing my jacket from the back seat before handing the keys over to him.

“It’ll be a nightmare,” Brax says deadpan.

“She needs time. If there is one thing I do know, it is that she loves you to death. You two are intrinsically linked. It will sort itself out Brax, I promise.”

“I hope you’re right. Tell her I love her, please?” he says sadly.

I sigh. “Will do, man. Now get in the car and keep an eye out.”

Brax stops in front of the car door. “Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell you. Before all of this happened, she remembered something.”

“What?” I ask.

“She saw the blond guy in the black Honda the day she was shot. First at the grocery store, then again outside campus.”

“Really? I remember seeing a black van driving slowly outside her building that night. I jotted the plate number down, but after the events of that night I never got around to tracing it.” I’ll kick myself if that was the shooter. “I told the police, though.”

“Do you still have it? I’ll run it through to Leo at HQ and check it out,” he adds, sounding a little better. “If we can sort this out and catch him, she’ll feel a hell of a lot safer than she does right now.”

“Definitely,” I say in agreement. “Okay, I’m off. Thankfully, you guys have a comfy couch,” I say, walking across the road towards Elle’s building.

I knock twice on the door before Elle’s frail frame appears in the doorway.

“Sorry, Shay. I’ve calmed down now. You don’t have to stay,” she whispers, her voice laced with sadness. Damn Brax and his f**king honorable intentions. I hate seeing her like this.

“Babe, it’s okay. I’ll sleep on the couch, even if it’s just to give me some peace of mind. Much better than sleeping in my car anyway.”

She gasps. “What do you mean you’ve been sleeping in your car? You have an apartment.”

“I’ve been parked outside your building, watching for the best part of ten months Elle. That is what Brax started to tell you about earlier tonight,” I try to explain.