Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)(11)
Author: A.L. Jackson

God. Did she really have to be so f**king adorable?

“So”—she swung her hands out to clap them in front of her—“are you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

She brushed past me as she wandered into the kitchen area and opened a drawer where she’d stuffed a bunch of menus. “What are you in the mood for?”

I wandered over and sat on the edge of her bed. “Chinese?”

“Sounds good to me,” she agreed. Pulling her phone from her back pocket, she read over a menu as she walked across the room, then dropped down beside me without thought. “I think this is the best place.”

I gestured with my chin toward the menu. “Whatever works for me.”

Her face was all knit up in concentration as she studied, mumbled, “So what do you like?”

“Anything beef.”

She laughed, and drew out a quiet, “Okay.”

We settled on Mongolian beef, sesame chicken, and eggrolls. We chatted until the door rang, and I jumped up to pay.

She tried to stop me, but I insisted. “Am I not allowed to buy dinner for my friend?”

Finally, she conceded and grabbed a couple plates from the kitchen. We kicked off our shoes and sat cross-legged on her bed, using the middle as a table. We opened the containers and filled them as we talked. Again we hit this rhythm, a tempo I’d never found with anyone else, one where I didn’t have to pretend I was someone I didn’t want to be, one where she wasn’t shy, and her genuine smile lit up the shadowy room.

Elizabeth gave me all the little details of the city she’d grown up in, her favorite places, and the many ways it was different from here. I could feel her love for San Diego in the pitch of her voice. More obvious was her love for the people there.

“Yeah, the water’s always a little cold, but you get used to it,” she said as she took another bite.

I inclined my head so I could study her, watch her face as it lifted and fell, twisted in animation as she spoke.

“I can’t believe in all the places you’ve traveled, you’ve never been to San Diego,” she said.

“I’ve been to L.A. a bunch of times, but for some reason, San Diego was never on the agenda.” I shrugged and dipped an eggroll into sweet and sour sauce.

Her eyes narrowed in thought. “You should go sometime. I think you’d like it there.”

“Yeah…I think I’d like that.”

She smiled.

So beautiful. I was still trying to adjust to the decision I’d made, this commitment to our friendship and swearing off girls at the same time. I knew they didn’t quite match, and if I tried to explain it to someone, they would think I was completely insane. But somewhere inside, I got it.

“So you think you’re going to move back there once you finish school? Is that where you want to practice?” I asked.

Elizabeth kind of frowned, as if the suggestion of not returning was completely absurd. “Definitely.” She took a bite of chicken before she continued. “I mean, you know I love it here and getting to move to New York has been the best experience of my life, but I can’t imagine not going back home. My family is too important to me.”

“So what happens if some guy comes along and sweeps you off your feet, and for some reason, he can’t move to San Diego?”

Her lips pressed together, a narrow line denting between her brows. She paused as if taking my question completely seriously. “Then I guess somehow that guy would have to become just as important to me as my family. Maybe more important. I guess that’s what marriage is all about…sacrifice…giving up what you want for the other person.”

Her eyes were sincere as she looked across at me.

I was stunned. “You’d really give up what you wanted for some guy?”

This time, she didn’t have to contemplate. Instead, her frown deepened, and she turned the question on me. “Wouldn’t you? If you really loved someone?”

“I think marriage is more about compromise. Meeting in the middle. Being compatible.”

She scoffed a little, kind of shook her head as she soaked up the last of her sweet and sour sauce with her eggroll. “I guess you could look at it that way.”

I laughed. “Look at us, playing philosophers. I don’t think anyone has it figured out.”

Her face softened. “Yeah, I think you’re probably right.” Elizabeth tossed her napkin to her plate. “That was really good. Are you finished?”

I nodded. “Yeah,” then mumbled, “Thanks,” when she grabbed my plate.

“Thank you for dinner,” she countered with a grin as she got to her feet.

While Elizabeth rinsed our plates in the sink, I stuffed the empty containers and garbage in the plastic bag left discarded on the floor, tied the handles in a knot so it wouldn’t spill.

Stuffed, I lay back with my feet flat on Elizabeth’s floor. A minute later, Elizabeth crawled to her bed, her sweet face passing above mine as she climbed up to lean against the wall. She drew her knees up to her chest.

Releasing my satisfaction in a sigh, I patted my stomach, feeling relaxed after the long week of classes and studying.

It was cool it was this way between us, without expectations, just quiet and ease.

I glanced up to the left and caught Elizabeth staring down at me. Red flooded her cheeks, and she dropped her chin.

Or maybe there were.

I turned away because I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable with me there. “So what do you think of New York now that you’ve been here for a while? Living up to all those childhood fantasies?” I asked toward her ceiling.

“Sure…more stressful than I thought, but fantasies are always that way, aren’t they? A little disappointing?”

“I suppose.”

“I just can’t wait for winter.” Excitement surfaced in her voice.

“Why?”

She released this little surprised sound, as if I should have already known exactly what she was talking about. “Christian…the tree and ice skating at Rockefeller Center.”

If it wasn’t so out of character for her, I would have sworn she’d added a little duh at the end.

I squinted up behind me, looking at her upside down. “Ice skating? Are you joking, Elizabeth? You come all the way to New York City, and the one thing you’re excited to do is go ice skating? You have to be the biggest nerd I’ve ever met,” I teased.

Her face puckered in offense, before her mouth dropped open with it. It was cute. Really cute.