Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(37)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

“That’s why I did it. I had to do it just one more time.” He balled his hands at his hips. “Before you’re with that Riley guy next.”

A scuffling sound came from the shadows. Hushed voices, too. Footsteps approached rapidly before slowing down. “Everything’s fine, Hernan—” I broke off. It wasn’t Hernandez; it was Riley. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey.” Riley held two bottles of water in either hand. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I was just leaving,” Cory muttered. He gave me one last look before walking away. “See ya,” he called out over his shoulder.

I let out a sigh of relief and looked at Riley. He was watching me closely. “Did he kiss you? I thought I saw…”

“He did. I told him not to do it again.” I sat down on a big boulder and looked up at him. “He’s always liked me, I guess. Which is why Finn hated him.”

Finn.

“You still love him, don’t you?” He perched next to me on the rock. “You’re not over him even in the slightest.”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be over him, really. What I felt for him isn’t something that just goes away with time. It’ll always be there.”

“Yeah. I get that.”

I looked over at him. He looked pensive. “Are you still in love with your ex, too?”

“No.” He laughed. “God, no. I don’t think I really ever loved her. She was a girlfriend, but that’s it. Nothing more.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Well…” He looked over at me, and his eyes latched on to mine. “I think I could be, easily, but it’s not the right time.”

I sucked in a shaky breath, my heart wrenching. Darn it, I’d been a blind fool. Everyone was right. He wanted more from me, and I couldn’t give it to him. “Riley, I can’t—”

He leaned in and placed his fingers over my lips. “Don’t. There’s nothing to say. I know already.”

“But—” I pulled his hand away from my lips, but didn’t let go of his fingers. “There is. You’re such a good guy. The perfect guy, really. I wish that things could be different. That I could be different. I’m just not ready to try again.”

“I know.” His fingers flexed on mine. “Do you think, once you are, that maybe we could, I don’t know, get a coffee? Go to dinner?”

“You have to understand, the love I had for Finn?” I shook my head, not dropping his gaze. His eyes looked even greener in the moonlight. I didn’t even realize that was possible. “I’m not sure it will ever fully go away. That’s not fair to you. You deserve more than half a heart from a girl.”

He reached out and cupped my cheek. It felt good. “Let me decide what I deserve, okay?”

I’d said something similar to Finn once. He’d pissed me off by deciding what was best for me without asking. Is that how Riley felt now? Frustrated and angry at me for trying to decide what’s best for him? I didn’t want to do that to him.

“Okay.” I forced a smile, still holding his hand. “You really are a great guy, you know. If I’d met you first…”

His gaze dipped to my lips. “But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t.”

He set the water down, and framed my face with his other hand. “May I kiss you? Just a little kiss to see if we’re compatible, before I try to win your heart?”

“I don’t know.” Speaking of hearts…mine picked up speed at the thought of kissing Riley. I’d only ever kissed Finn and Cory. There was no comparison there. Maybe with Riley it would be different. “I guess we could try if you want.”

He grinned. “You make it sound like a prison sentence.”

“Sorry.” I laughed, reaching out to grasp his wrists lightly. “It’s just—”

He leaned down and kissed me, cutting me off mid-sentence. His soft lips touched mine, applying the perfect amount of pressure. Perfect setting. Perfect weather. Perfect touch. Perfect guy. The gentle way he held me. The way he tilted his head just right to get access to my mouth. Everything about the kiss was perfect.

But he wasn’t Finn. There were no explosions or fireworks.

It just felt nice.

He pulled back, resting his forehead on mine. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“N-No.” I tightened my grip on his wrists. I wished I were different. Wished I were healed already so I could try this again with an open mind. “It was great.”

“Good.” He grinned down at me, looking way too happy. It made me feel guilty. “I can wait for you to be ready now.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

He shrugged. “Then you’ll never get to kiss me again.”

“Ouch.” I laughed. “That’s harsh.”

“I’m just kidding. You can kiss me anytime.” He let me go. “You wanna kiss me again now, don’t you? Admit it.”

I smiled at him. He was so freaking charming that it was hard not to. “Actually, I think I’m going to go back to my room now. I’m tired.”

“I’ll go with you,” he said quickly.

“No.” I winced at how harsh that sounded. I just needed to be alone right now. Kissing Riley and kind of liking it was like putting the nail in the proverbial coffin that held my relationship with Finn. I needed time to recover. “You stay and have fun since you drove this whole way down. Don’t leave for me.”

He studied me. “I want to, but I can tell you want to be alone, so I’ll stay. Maybe we can have breakfast in the morning before I head back?”

“Sure, where are you staying?”

“With a buddy here.” He quirked a brow. “Why? You offering to let me stay with you? ’Cause I could ditch him and crash with you instead.”

“Ha! You could totally—” Something scratched on the concrete behind us, and a crashing sound broke the relative quietness of the night. I whirled around to look. “Hernandez, is that you? Are you okay?”

A shuffling sound, and then Hernandez came stumbling out of the shadows, tripping over his own feet. “Sorry, I, uh, I kicked a potted plant by accident.”

I squinted at him. “You kicked a…plant?”

“Yep. That’s me.” He glowered over his shoulder. “Always being a clumsy ass**le.”