Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(38)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

“Oookay.” I stood up and picked up the bottle of water Riley got me. “Well, you’re just in time. I’m ready to go back to my room, so you can walk me, and then go home.”

He eyed Riley. “Alone, I assume?”

“Yes, of course.” My cheeks heated. “If I wasn’t going to be alone, I wouldn’t ask you to walk with me.”

He looked over his shoulder again. “I’m ready when you are.”

I smiled at Riley. “Anyway…”

Riley came up to me and kissed my lips gently. “See you in the morning?”

“Sure. Nine?”

“It’s a date,” he said, grinning. He backed off, not dropping my gaze. “It’s supposed to be sunny tomorrow, so maybe we can go to the beach, too.”

The sun is finally shining, Ginger. Finn’s voice echoed in my head, loud and clear. It was almost as if he’d actually said the words, and it hurt. Would he ever stop haunting me? My smile slipped. “Great. See you then.”

I watched him head back into the party, tossing his water bottle from hand to hand. A super-hot girl walked up to him and started flirting, but he looked back at me. Well, crap. He really did like me. I wasn’t sure what to do about that. I waved one last time before walking toward my dorm.

Hernandez fell into step beside me. “So…moving on, huh?”

“I don’t know.” I lifted a shoulder. It felt weird talking to him about this, when he may or may not be in contact with Finn. “Maybe.”

“He seems…nice.”

As if stuck in a time warp, Finn’s words from all those months ago rang in my head: Nice. That’s the word for a puppy, not a man. Nice won’t make you scream out in bed. I straightened my spine and glanced around, half expecting to see him standing somewhere in the shadows, smirking at me. God, I was losing it. “Uh, yeah. He’s very nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice.”

“I never said there was.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked over his shoulder again. “Where are you two meeting tomorrow for breakfast?”

“I don’t know. He’ll probably come up to my room first, and then we’ll decide.” I looked at him. “Why do you ask?”

“So I can follow you there.” He raised a brow at me. “It’s kind of my job,” he lowered his head and mumbled, “no matter how much I might wish it wasn’t.”

“Why don’t you quit if you hate it?”

“I can’t.” He looked at me, then glanced away. “I need to watch over you for him. He’d want me to.”

“He doesn’t love me anymore,” I said, my voice soft. “You’re off the hook.”

He laughed. “No. I’m not.”

We walked the rest of the way home in silence. I hesitated at the entrance to my dorm. Hernandez hovered, all of his weight on his left foot, as if perched to leave.

Still, I didn’t move. My hand gripped the door tight. “Is he…is he okay?”

“Finn?” Hernandez looked away. “What makes you think I’ve talked to him recently?”

I tucked my hair behind my ear, my heart racing at the mere thought of hearing how Finn was doing. I was like a starved dog, desperate for any scrap of information I could get about him. “Please. Tell me if he’s okay. That’s all I want to know. I don’t need to know anything else.”

Hernandez looked out toward the shadows and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I get wanting to move on, but don’t do it if you’re not ready. That’s not fair to anyone involved.”

“Has Finn moved on?” I asked. Immediately, I regretted the question. I didn’t want to know. I held up a hand and scrunched my eyes tight. “You know what? Forget I asked that. Forget it all. Just go home.”

I opened the door and walked inside, trying not to look back at him. Trying not to go back and beg him to answer my question. I needed to know.

I couldn’t know.

Chapter Eighteen – Finn

I rocked back on my heels and cursed under my breath, an empty hollowness residing where my heart used to beat. It had felt that way ever since I walked away from Carrie, and I didn’t think it would ever go away, not without her in my life. She owned my heart, carrying it with her wherever she went, and she wasn’t with me anymore. I missed her more than I missed having a heart. I’d finally learned how to live when I’d been with her, and now I wasn’t living.

I was just surviving. Barely.

Dr. Montgomery opened the door and smiled at me. She wore her usual business suit, and her brown hair was pulled back in a bun. She was a creature of habit, if nothing else. “Griffin, you can come in now.”

“All right.”

I walked into the office and sat down on the couch. I drew the line at lying down on it, though. It was hard enough to walk in those doors. But after hitting rock bottom, I realized I needed help. And it was helping. I was still here, after all.

I almost hadn’t been.

Dr. Montgomery settled in her chair. “So, how was your Friday night? What did you do? When you called for an emergency meeting, I figured something had to be up.”

“It was…hard. Bad.” I ran a hand over my hair. It was growing out a little bit now. It was as short as it would have been if I had been going to drill weekend. “I almost did something I would have regretted, but I held myself back.”

“Did you try to hurt yourself again?” she asked, her forehead creased. “I thought we’d gotten past that point.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Were you upset over your honorable discharge from the Marines again?” she asked.

“No.” I dragged my hand down my face. “And before you ask, no, Captain Richards didn’t try to contact me about that job again.”

Dr. Montgomery nodded. “Ah. Then it was Carrie. Did you try to go see her?”

“I saw her,” I admitted, touching the scar on my forehead. “But I made sure I stayed hidden from her. She dyed her hair a different color—it’s a darker red now. And she has bangs. She wears more lipstick, too. It’s like she’s trying to change herself now that I’m not there. She was with a guy we both know, and she looked happy. So f**king happy.” I cut off. “Sorry.”

“You can curse—God knows I do when I’m not working. This is a safe environment for you.” She leaned forward. “So. How did seeing her look so happy and different make you feel?”