Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(43)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

I scanned him, looking for any signs of the haunted man he’d used to be. He still had the scars. Still looked tired as hell. His brown hair had grown in a bit; looking about the same length as it had been last time he’d gone to drill. And his arm was out of the cast. He wasn’t wearing dog tags. In fact, he wore nothing but his black wetsuit and a cautious look in his eyes. He looked good. Healthy. Happy.

Holy. Freaking. Crap.

Chapter Twenty – Finn

I watched her, my heart pounding in my ears full speed ahead. I hadn’t been planning on saying hello to her. I’d been planning on watching her from far, far away. Hernandez had texted me to let me know she was going out in the water, and I’d rushed so I could get there before her. Waiting. Watching. Guarding.

The usual.

But then I’d seen her, sitting in the sun, looking pretty as hell with her wild red hair blowing in the breeze, and something inside me had broken. Maybe it was something that had been holding me back, restraint even. But now that she was out here, in my territory, there was no holding back.

Her hair was longer, reaching all the way down to the small of her back while wet, and it looked even darker than before since it was damp. Her blue eyes looked bluer than I remembered, too. Fucking gorgeous. That’s what she was. She was perfection, while I was not. I was finally starting to be okay with that fact, though. That I wasn’t perfect and never would be.

She was just staring at me.

Finally, she seemed to snap out of it. She licked her gorgeous lips, her gaze skimming over me all over again. Did she like what she saw? I’d grown my hair longer for her. It helped camouflage my scar a little. That had to help my appearance somewhat.

She shook her head slightly. When she spoke, her voice came out hoarse. “You…You’re here.”

“I am.” I tugged on my hair, watching her. “I’ve been here for a while, actually. A little over a month now, I guess. Maybe two.”

It had been two months, one day, three hours, and twelve minutes, to be exact. She didn’t say anything. Just stared at me, not moving besides the lull of the waves that made her board sway. I cleared my throat. “Did you get my flower?”

She blinked at that. “That was from you?”

“Yeah.” I rubbed my head. “I left it on your car earlier.”

“W-Why?”

I shrugged. “Because I wanted to.”

“I…see. Why come back out here?” She met my eyes again. “Instead of staying in D.C.?”

“There’s nothing for me in D.C. anymore.”

She cocked her head. “And there’s something for you here?”

“Yes.” You. I love you. Take me back. Forgive me. Make me whole again. “The weather’s nicer. And there’s surfing. Hernandez. My bike…” You.

“I see.” She stared at me, not moving. “You—” She cleared her throat. “You look good. Better. Are you?”

I couldn’t believe she was being so damn polite. “Thanks. Yeah, I am.” My heart twisted and turned. “You look beautiful, as always. So f**king beautiful.”

“Th-Thank you.” She took a deep breath, color slowly coming back to her cheeks. “I don’t know what to say to you right now. This feels weird.”

I tried to smile at her. It probably came across as a grimace mixed with a grin. It hurt to feel so damn awkward around her. We’d never been like this. “A little bit, yeah. But we’ve never had to deal with the aftermath of…after saying all that we said.”

“And you never snuck away in the middle of the night on me, either,” she said slowly, her bright eyes still on me.

“About that?” I looked down at my hands. Should I tell her it was all a lie? That I’d been trying to save her from me? Would she even f**king care? Time to find out. “I f**ked up. I never meant—”

“Don’t.” She glared at me. Now she was pissed. This is what I’d expected to see. “Don’t go apologizing or backpedaling. And don’t you dare try to take it back. You said how you felt, and you left. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. You caught me off guard, is all.” She let her hand fall back to the board. “I wasn’t expecting to see you out here. Actually, I wasn’t expecting to see you at all. I told you not to check on me, remember? Said I didn’t want to see you again.”

Yeah. I remembered. But I couldn’t stay away. “I’m sorry. I really am.” I twisted my lips. “It’s not safe for you to be surfing alone. You know that, Ginger.”

She lifted her chin, her blue eyes flaring with anger and maybe a hint of something else. Sadness, maybe. “I’m fine on my own, thank you very much. I’ve been just fine without you here watching over me, and I’ll continue to be fine. I don’t need you watching me to make sure I don’t drown. I have Hernandez.”

I gripped the surfboard. I’d been right. She was fine without me. Didn’t need me like I needed her. “Hernandez can’t f**king surf.”

“Yeah, but he can swim. And even if he couldn’t? Even if I drowned out here? That’s my problem, not yours.” She looked away. “You’re not my guard or my boyfriend anymore, so stop acting like you’re either one.”

I flinched. “I know you’re not mine anymore. That’s not why I’m here. I was planning on surfing already. You’re not the only one who surfs on weekends, if you recall. I’m the one who brought you here in the first place.”

She bit down hard on her lip, looking flustered and upset with my reappearance in her life. I shouldn’t have said hi, damn it. She fingered her necklace, and I stared at in in disbelief. It was the one I’d given her. She still wore it. “You weren’t supposed to come find me. I told you—”

“You’re wearing our necklace,” I said, my voice sounding way too f**king weak. “You didn’t throw it away after I left?”

She dropped it immediately. “No. I didn’t throw it away.” Her cheeks red, she looked away from me. “I-I forgot all about it, honestly.”

Something told me that wasn’t true. She was lying to me. She knew she was wearing it, and she wore it because it reminded her of me. I knew it. Happiness rushed through my veins. For the first time in months, I let myself believe I stood a chance with her. Let myself believe I might be able to make her love me again.

God knows I needed her to feel alive.