Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(49)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

She gasped, looking over her shoulder as if scared someone might have heard. “You’re…you’re so…”

“Perfect? Funny? Adorable?”

“Annoying,” she offered. But the sparkling in her eyes ruined the anger effect she was trying to give off. “Incorrigible. Ridiculous.”

I lifted a shoulder, my heart soaring. Fuck me. Did I really just think that my heart soared? What the hell was wrong with me? “I can live with those titles, Ginger.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course you can.”

“I’m also stubborn. I don’t give up easily. Remember that one, too.”

She froze with the burger in her mouth. As she took a bite, chewing slowly, I let her absorb that information. I bit down on my burger, studying her as I did so. She looked at me like someone who wanted to be more than friends would, but I didn’t point that out. “You know we can’t be more than buddies.”

I swallowed. “Funny, I heard you said the same thing to Riley the other day when he left.”

She stomped her foot. “Oooh, I’m going to kill Hernandez.”

I laughed. “It’s not his fault. I’m irresistible to him, too.” I pointed my burger at her. “You should add that to your list of my faults.”

She snorted. “Yeah. I’ll get right on that. Not.”

We ate our burgers in silence, no more competitive sexual groaning going on, but I sensed her watching me the whole time. Every time I looked at her, she quickly turned away. As if she didn’t want me to know she watched me. She shouldn’t have bothered with the attempted subterfuge. I could feel her eyes burning into me.

After we were finished, I picked up my lemonade. “This was nice.”

“Yeah.” She leaned back in the booth. “What are you doing with your life? Are you still in the Marines?”

I shook my head, my heart twisting. I still couldn’t believe I was out. Honorable discharge and all that, but still. It was so f**king weird. “No. I got honorably discharged, so there wasn’t any shame or anything.”

She blinked at me. “Oh. So you’re actually out?”

“I’m out.”

“Are you still in security?” she asked, pursing her lips. Her eyes were narrowed, as if she was figuring something out. “Or do you want to be?”

“No, I’m not still in security. I’m currently jobless.” I looked where the guy who’d set my teeth on edge earlier had been. He was gone. I relaxed slightly. “I got offered a job, but I turned it down.”

She picked up her lemonade and finished it. “Why?”

“It was in Chicago.”

“Ah.” She clunked the cup down. “No surfing.”

I hesitated. Should I be honest? I had nothing to lose anymore. Nothing at all. “No, there’s no you.”

She froze. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t want to go there because you weren’t there.” I grabbed her hand, squeezing it between both of mine. I still had scars on my knuckles from the night I’d gone insane in her parents’ house. Did they stand out to her as much as they stood out to me? “I wanted to be here with you. I need to be near you to live.”

She pulled free. “I know what this is all about. Dad hired you again, didn’t he? You’re guarding me again and don’t want to tell me.”

I choked on a laugh. “What? Are you f**king crazy? No. He didn’t contact me, and I haven’t talked to him since I left. Why would he? He fired me.”

“I don’t believe you. You told me you didn’t love me anymore. You looked me in the eye and said it.” She pressed her lips together. “Now you want to live near me? It makes no sense.”

My stomach hollowed out. “I didn’t mean it. I was trying to save you. I never stopped loving you, and none of the things that happened to me were your fault.”

“Yes, they were.”

“No. They. Weren’t.” I locked gazes with her. “I only said that because I knew you’d believe it. I knew you felt bad, so I used that against you. I’m sorry for that, too, but I never stopped loving you. I lied about that.”

“Stop.” She reared back, her face pale. “Just stop.”

“I can’t.” I pressed a hand to my heart. “No one will love you like I do, Ginger. I always have. I always will. Even if you hate me for the rest of your long, healthy life, I’ll still love you forever. I don’t know how to stop. I can’t.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a note I’d written her. “Read this later. Please?”

She made a broken sound and slid out of the booth without taking the note. “I can’t do this—can’t love you like you want me to. I told you, I’m done with love. It hurts too much. I made up my mind. You need to stop coming to my dorm. Stop begging me to forgive you. Stop trying to be my friend. Just stop everything.”

She bolted for the door. I tossed some cash down on the table and followed her, grabbing the note on my way out, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces even as it sped up. I had a bad feeling that something was about to happen. And when I got that feeling, I was usually right. I followed her out into the dull afternoon sun, scanning the crowd for any signs that something might be amiss.

Nothing stood out to me, except I didn’t see Hernandez. That might be nothing, since he knew she was with me, but it might be something, too. I shot him a quick text, keeping my phone in my hand as I followed Carrie.

When she saw me behind her, she glowered at me and hurried her steps. She rifled in her purse, pulled her phone out, and put it to her ear. When she stopped walking and stood there, talking rapidly while scanning the crowd, I stopped, too. Talking into her phone, she nodded before heading for the exit. I trailed her, keeping a good distance behind her. Hernandez was missing, so like it or not, I was kind of her guard right now.

She must have spotted me following her, because she whirled on her heel. “Finn. Go. Away. You promised you would after this.”

“I will, but not until you’re home.”

“I will be soon.” She gripped her bag tight, not meeting my eyes. “Marie is coming for me.”

I crossed my arms and searched the crowd. No sign of the dude who had caught my attention, but another man I didn’t know stood to the side, watching Carrie way too f**king closely for my liking. “Fine. But I’m not leaving until she does. I think someone’s wa—”