Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(50)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

“I thought you weren’t my freaking guard anymore,” she snapped, eyes flashing. Her red hair blew in the breeze, and she looked picture perfect. I wanted to kiss that frown right off her face, in front of everyone in this outdoor mall. “Yet here you are, guarding me yet again.”

I twisted my lips. “Hernandez didn’t come, so I have to watch over you. And I saw someone—”

“Actually, you don’t.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I’m fine alone.”

“Jesus, woman, will you let me f**king talk?” Which reminded me why I’d written the note in the first place. So I could get all my words out like Dr. Montgomery suggested. I stepped closer, towering over her short frame. I shook the note in front of her face. “Take this.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want it. It won’t change anything.”

I opened it. “Dear Ginger,” I started. “I know I was wrong when I left you. I know I broke your heart, but the thing is? I broke mine more. I can’t live without you. When I wake up, you’re there—but you’re not there. When I laugh at something on TV, I look to your spot on my couch to see if you laughed too—but you’re not there. When I roll over in bed, I stretch my hand out, looking for your smooth skin—but you’re not there.”

“Oh my God, stop.” She covered her ears, tears streaming down her flushed face. “Please.”

Pain sliced through me, but there was no way in hell I would stop now. “Even when I was out of my f**king mind with grief and rage, even when I wanted to f**king die and almost did, you saved me. I was going to end it all the night you saw me outside you room, but when I stood in the store picking out a rope—you were there. You saved me. You didn’t ruin me. You are all I need in my life to live, and without you, I’m not living. Without you—”

“Wait. Y-You wanted to die?” She took a step toward me but stopped herself short. “You almost killed yourself?”

She was close enough for me to touch her now.

I didn’t.

“I’m not done yet.” I dragged my hands down my face. “Without you, I will never be whole, because half of me will always be gone. You complete me, and without that, I’ll—”

She pushed my shoulders hard. “Damn you. You can’t die.”

I lowered my arm, giving up on reading the letter right now. “I know. And I’m not.” I fisted my hands. “I’m here, watching you hate me, and I’m not going anywhere. It’s my turn to have the broken heart. I can handle that. But it won’t make me stop f**king caring, damn it.” I lifted my arm. “Without that, I’ll keep living, but I’ll die alone, because no one else will ever replace you. I. Am. Not. Leaving. Not this time.” I looked up at her again. “Please forgive me. Please love me again, because I can’t stop loving you. I won’t. I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your forever. The sun is always shining when I’m with you. Love always, Finn.”

She pushed my shoulders ever harder this time, her wet cheeks shining in the dull sunlight. “Fuck you!”

I stood my ground, even though it hurt to see her look at me as if I was the enemy again. I’d done this to myself. I deserved every second of her anger, and more. It was better than her being upset, if nothing else. I crumpled up the paper in my fist. “That’s what the letter said.”

She growled and smacked my arm. “God, I hate you sometimes.”

“I love you all the time,” I said.

“Stop saying that.”

“Or what?” I cocked a brow. “You’ll kiss me into submission, like the good old days?”

Her eyes flared, and she stared at my mouth. I could tell she was contemplating it, so I acted without thinking. I hauled her close, spun her against the wall, and kissed her. Our lips met explosively, fireworks going off and all that sappy, sentimental garbage most women said happened when people kissed.

Thing is? Most of them are lying.

But this was real.

Her hands closed on my shoulders, and for a second I thought she was going to push me away. But then she dug her nails into my skin and hauled me closer, whimpering and parting her lips. I slipped my tongue in with a growl, deepening the kiss until I felt her melt against me. When she was all liquid desire, I cupped her ass and lifted her slightly, needing to feel her against me.

Needing her.

She gasped and broke off the kiss, her cheeks bright red. “Oh my God.”

“Please.” I kissed her again, soft. My heart thundered in my chest, drowning out the sounds of the people all around us. “Don’t push me away. I need you. Love me again, Ginger.”

“Finn…” Her hands hesitated, and she looked up, her blue eyes shining up at me. I held my breath, waiting for her to say yes. Hoping she wouldn’t send me away, because it just might rip me in half. “I—”

“Carrie?” Riley said, his voice hard. “Are you okay? Marie sent me here to get you.”

She bit down on her lip hard, still staring at me. But I could see the difference. The moment had passed, and she was going to reject me. She wasn’t looking up at me with warmth. She was scared. Angry. Hurt. But not in love.

It was over.

Chapter Twenty-Three – Carrie

Oh my God. This was so unfair. I’d been fighting and fighting to move on from Finn when all along…he’d been hiding within me. I thought I could get over him? Well, he’d never left. How could I move on when I was still hopelessly in love with him? The second his lips touched mine, it was like I’d finally come home.

The weight that had been sitting on my shoulders lifted, and I could finally breathe again. It was like I’d been stuck in some deep, endless slumber—and nothing could wake me up but his kiss. Like Snow White or something. That might sound stupid, but it was true. It had always been, and would always be, Finn. There was no escaping it, and if I kept trying, I might drive myself insane in the process.

I could probably love Riley. I could probably be happy.

But he wouldn’t make me feel like this.

I looked past Finn to Riley, and I could tell he was upset. He deserved better than this. He deserved to feel this way with a girl who felt this way about him. I let go of Finn, and he stepped back, his head lowered. “I need to…I need…Riley. I have to go to him.”

Finn nodded, his mouth pressed tight and his eyes achingly hollow. “I know. Go ahead. A deal is a deal.”