Providence

“I’m looking forward to more games. I’m sure Josh wil want a rematch.” I smiled and leaned toward him, staring at his lips.

Jared wrapped his arms around me, smiling at the thought. “It was fun. I’m not sure about more games, though. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

“When you play like a professional footbal player, Jared, you’re going to draw a crowd.”

Jared shrugged. “I couldn’t help myself. Every time I heard you cheering, I stepped it up a little more.”

I raised a dubious eyebrow. “You could hear me over your groupies?”

Jared smiled, pecking me on the lips. “Besides the fact that I could feel how proud you were,”—he kissed me again—“I could hear your voice from the stands in a stadium…at the Super Bowl.”

He kissed me again, but this time his lips parted and he caressed my tongue with his. I tasted the combination of sweet and salty on his mouth, and when he pul ed back, I licked my lips before pressing them together.

“Please don’t do that,” he pleaded, staring at my lips.

“How do you expect us to live together if you can’t handle me licking my lips?” I teased, watching him scan my face with the same hunger in his eyes from before.

“I’l find a way. I’l sleep on the floor if I have to.”

“If you sleep on the floor, I’m sleeping on the floor with you. I want to wake up where you are.”

Jared smiled. “I wish that were true.”

My mouth fel open. “It is true! You think me staying here during the week means I don’t want to stay with you at al ?”

Jared grimaced, shaking his head. “No, I don’t think that. I shouldn’t have said that, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” I said, bracing myself for what he might say.

“It’s going to be hard getting used to the way things used to be, that’s al .”

“You meant more than that.”

Jared looked straight into my eyes. “Let me move your things, then. I’l have you moved in by the time you finish up at the Rock.”

I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know, Jared. I need some more time to think.”

The answer should have been simple. I wanted to be there, he wanted me there, and we loved each other. But normal was here. I wasn’t ready to give that up, yet.

Jared smiled half-heartedly. “That’s what I meant.”

I narrowed my eyes, irritated that he had proved his point in that way. “That’s not fair.”

He leaned his forehead against mine. “I’d better go. I’l see you soon.”

“Sooner than I’l see you,” I grimaced.

“You could change that if you weren’t so worried about what everyone else thinks,” he said, trying to keep the disappointment from his eyes.

“I told you that isn’t the case. Wel , not entirely.”

“I know. I understand,” he said. He kissed my forehead again before he left me to walk to my room alone.

I felt wretched. We’d had a horrible morning, a heated afternoon, and then I’d ruined it with my stupid, selfish, stubborn theories on normal. There were other reasons, but I couldn’t pin point what they were. I just wasn’t ready.

I walked into my empty room and sighed. I had a few hours yet before study group. Both Jared’s and Ryan’s sweat were on me, a scent mixed between Ryan’s salty boy smel and Jared’s salty angel smel . It only confused me more, so I made a bee line for the showers.

Under the steaming water, I couldn’t help but think of Jared’s shower. The water pressure was better, the smel was certainly better, and I didn’t have to wear flip flops to walk around in it. I sighed again, knowing nothing would make me happier than to cal Jared and give him the green light to move my things. I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice when I broke the news to him, and how I would feel walking into the loft, knowing I was home.

As I walked down the hal way in my robe, I tried to come up with more pros than cons for staying at Andrews. I focused on what my father would want; at first I reasoned that he would want me to stay, but then my thoughts drifted to the fact that Jack would want me to be where I was the safest.

And I was definitely safer in Jared’s arms. Loft…I meant the loft.

I closed the door behind me and pul ed off my robe. There was a knock on the door and I automatical y tightened my towel around me, anticipating Jared’s smiling face at the other side of the door.

When I pul ed on the knob, Ryan stood before me, clean and dressed. He gave me an once-over as I stood in front of him shocked and stil dripping.

“Wel , hel o,” Ryan said, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

I slammed the door in his face.

I pul ed on a pair of jeans and slipped on a random pink t-shirt before hearing a knock on the door once again.

“Nina?” he said in a muffled voice.

“Just a minute!” I cal ed, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I opened the door once again, “Sorry,” I breathed. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I see that. Can I come in?”

“I needed to talk to you anyway,” I said, stepping to the side.

“Uh-oh. Hubby’s jealous?” he smiled, strol ing past me with his hands in his pockets.

I closed the door behind him and picked up a brush, raking it through my hair. “This isn’t about him, it’s about me. You can’t kiss me like that, especial y with Jared right there. Did you honestly think that was okay?”

“No, I just wanted to do it.”

I threw my brush onto my desk and glared at him. “But you can’t just do it. It makes things more difficult.”

“For Jared?”

“For us,” I sighed. “It makes it more difficult for us to be friends.”

“I said I wasn’t going to fight with you about Jared anymore, I never said I wasn’t going to fight for you.”

“What?”

Ryan rol ed his eyes and then smiled. “I love you.”

I heard the words, but I was stil processing what he’d said before. I shook my head. “What?”

Ryan took a few steps closer to me and cinched his hands around my hips. “You heard me. I’m not stupid; I can see what’s going on with you and Jared. But I also see the way you look at me. And don’t give me that crap about how you care about me because we’re friends, either. It’s something else and you know it.”

I felt my cheeks flush. “I know you’re delusional.”

Ryan shook his head. “No. I’ve waited. I’ve watched. Today I’m sure. For whatever reasons you’re refusing to acknowledge it, but you know it’s there, same as I do. The only reason we’re not together right now is because you met Jared first. That’s not a good enough reason for me to walk away.”

My stomach felt sick. I hadn’t prepared for this conversation, and the fact that my boyfriend was listening didn’t help. Jared was waiting for me to deny it. As much as I wanted to scream at Ryan to get out, I also knew that I couldn’t eject him for the truth. That…and I wanted to him to stay. I couldn’t tel him he was wrong when we both knew he was right.

Ryan took a step closer and grabbed the crests of my hips gently with each hand, grasping them a bit tighter as he inched closer. He closed his eyes, and I pressed my lips together, praying he wouldn’t try to kiss me. I wouldn’t kiss him back, but I couldn’t tel him no. Either way I would hurt him.