Providence

By midnight, everyone except Beth, Chad, and Ryan had cleared out to study. Beth grabbed her purse and hugged me.

“Thank you so much! I needed that. It’s been so sad around here!”

“You’re welcome. I’m going to miss you terribly,” I said, jutting out my bottom lip.

Beth squeezed me until it was hard to breathe. “I’m going to miss you, too. But we’l stil see each other, right?”

“Of course we wil .” I smiled.

I waved goodbye to her and Chad, and then sat on my bed, exhausted. As usual, any normal, content feelings I had left with the moment.

Ryan turned to see the look on my face. “What is it, Babe?”

I smiled. “No one’s here, Ryan. You don’t have to cal me that.”

“I don’t do it for other people,” he said, an amused grin spanning his face.

“Ryan…,” I began. Knocking at the door provided a perfect excuse to postpone the inevitable. “Beth must have forgotten her keys.” I opened the door and gasped.

She wouldn’t have come unless something was horribly wrong. The adrenaline exploded through my bloodstream as I braced myself for what she might say.

“I need to talk to you,” she said.

“What are you doing here, Claire? Is it Jared?” I asked.

She looked at Ryan and then back at me, and for the first time she didn’t have a murderous expression on her face. “Alone.”

“I’m not leaving,” Ryan said, standing in front of me.

She rol ed her eyes. “If I wanted to hurt her, Ryan, you standing there with your hands in your pockets wouldn’t do much in the way of a deterrent,”

she said, looking back to me. “It’s important, Nina.”

I could feel my heart thudding against my chest wal . “What? He’s okay, right?”

“He’s at home. He final y agreed to get some sleep.”

“Oh.” The numbness came like second nature, and automatical y an emotional wal surrounded me.

Claire frowned at my generic answer. “Oh? I can’t stand to see him like this anymore, and you’re the only one that can fix it. He’s been a mess since his birthday. He’s been a mess for weeks, but he’s been real y bad since Sunday.” She looked to the floor, clearly disturbed by whatever image was in her head. “I think it’s final y hit him that you’re not going to change your mind.”

I found my focus again, grateful to Claire for the reminder. “He’s right.”

Claire looked at Ryan and then at me in disgust. “You two aren’t fooling anyone. Jared knows exactly what’s going on. It was a stupid idea, Nina.

You’re putting him through hel for nothing. I could understand if you didn’t feel the same, but I know you do.”

I shook my head, the consequences to his family coming to the forefront of my mind. “I can’t.”

Claire’s face twisted into a heartbreaking expression, and I was taken aback when I saw her eyes gloss over.

“I’ve never seen him like this, Nina. Not even when Dad died. I was hoping he would snap out of it, that after awhile he would get over it, but he hasn’t. He won’t sleep, he can’t eat, he’s forced to watch you ignore him every day…it’s torture,” she said, stubbornly wiping a rogue tear from her cheek.

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear anymore,” I said, closing my eyes.

Claire blinked the tears away and glared at me. “Wel , that’s too bad. He has to live it, the least you can do is listen to it,” she said, pul ing my arm toward her. Ryan took his hand out of his pockets and moved toward Claire. She pressed one hand against his chest and effortlessly pushed him against the door, holding him there. Ryan leaned forward, but he was helpless against her angel’s strength.

“Don’t hurt her,” Ryan said, glowering at Claire.

Claire took her eyes from me and glanced at Ryan, taking her hand from his chest. “I’m not going to hurt her. Stay out of it, Ryan.”

Ryan stood in place against the door and looked at me. “Nina?”

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “You have to go, Claire. Please, just go.”

“He’s broken, Nina,” she pleaded. “Don’t you see it? Don’t you care? The pain he’s going through is enough, but he has to feel your pain, too. Can you imagine the pain you feel missing him, being without him, wanting him…doubled? He kept saying that you just needed space…that you would come around, but after Sunday, after you told him goodbye…it broke him.”

My resolve waivered, but I fought my weakness for Jared, knowing I was at another crossroad. I had to make the right decision.

She took a deep breath. “I know you think you’re atoning for Jack’s sins. But what you’re doing, Nina? It’s kil ing Jared. Nothing can be worse than watching him die a little more every day.”

I closed my eyes and the tears final y overflowed.

Claire looked down at her hands, her next words not coming easily. “It’s not your fault we lost our father, Nina.”

I pursed my lips and then sucked in a deep breath. “I couldn’t look him in the eye if it happened again.”

“Keeping my family safe isn’t your job. It’s Jared’s, and it’s mine. And I’m very, very good at my job. You can’t keep making him suffer because you’re afraid to repeat Jack’s mistakes.” Her eyebrows pul ed in. “It’s not a good enough reason to break his heart.”

Ryan watched both of us, confused by the exchange.

“Time wil make it easier,” I whispered.

“Time wil make it worse!” she snapped, disgusted at my suggestion. “You’re his Taleh, Nina…the other half of his soul. He’s never going to get over you. And no matter how much you hope that you wil …you’l never get over him. You’re going to wake up one day and realize what you’ve done, and you’re going to regret the time you wasted apart from him for the rest of your life.” A tear careened down her perfect cherubic cheek and she left it there, too intent on convincing me to save her brother.

I felt my face crumple. I knew she was right.

Ryan’s hand lightly touched my back. I looked at him, and although his eyes were ful of hurt, he smiled.

“Go,” he said.

I smiled at him and began to speak, but he simply shook his head, hugged me tightly, and walked out the door.

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.

“You’re coming with me?” she asked.

I nodded, and for the first time I saw Claire’s face light up. She threw her arms around me, hugging me a little too tight.

“Come on!” She pul ed me by the hand down the hal , unable to contain her triumphant smile. I had to jog keep up with her.

I squinted, recoiling from the remnant rain of the departing thunderstorm. The Lotus chirped when she clicked the keyless entry, and I slid in beside her, wiping the water from my arms.

“What about Ryan?” I asked.

“Bex is home,” Claire smiled. She slammed the gear shift into place and we peeled away from the curb, the engine growling as she soared toward Jared’s loft.

We didn’t speak; I fumbled with my ring and tried to imagine Jared’s reaction when I showed up unannounced.

Claire pul ed beside the curb behind the Escalade. I took a deep breath and opened my door with shaking fingers.