Ricochet (Renegades #3)(96)
Author: Skye Jordan

“You’re all sick.” She turned and continued toward the water with the plan of diving in and swimming out as far as she could.

“No, Rachel—”

A hand caught her ankle, nearly tripping her. She looked over her shoulder. Nathan was chest-down in the sand, his hand clutched around her foot.

“I don’t believe you…” she said through clenched teeth.

She would have ranted, sworn, acted like a complete lunatic, but she really didn’t want to see her own mental meltdown on Entertainment Tonight anytime soon.

Still holding on, Nathan pushed upright and walked on his knees toward her, his handsome face flooded with a painful level of regret and tilted up for everyone to see.

“Don’t do this, Nathan,” Rachel whispered urgently, embarrassed for herself, mortified for him. “Please.”

“I wronged you in public,” he said from where he knelt at her feet. “It’s only right that I apologize in public.”

Her insides bubbled with emotion. The absurdity of the situation pushed a tight laugh from her throat. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Tried to pull her hand back, but Nathan held tight.

Dammit.

“Then just get it over with,” she muttered.

He released her leg and took a breath that raised his shoulders. “I’m…crazy about you. I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know what it feels like, but I love my guys and I know how torn up I am inside when I have to leave them or feel like I’m letting them down. And what I feel for you is ten times stronger. I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for the stupid things I said, for hurting you. I’m sorry for all of it…” Another deep breath preceded a shift in his eyes, where fear and vulnerability shone clearly. “I won’t promise I’ll ever be perfect, but I can promise to keep trying.”

She forced her internal shield to hold, but beneath, she ached. “You should have stopped with the apology.”

Before she could move, he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her. With his chin on her belly, he looked up into her eyes. “I’m a fucking train wreck, baby, I admit it. But I’ve found a therapist and postponed my next tour. I want to be better. I want to be the kind of man you need.”

“Oh my God.” This was heart wrenching. He buried his face in her belly and kissed the strip of skin exposed beneath the hem of her T-shirt. Rachel lowered her hand to his head, and the short cut bristled against her palm. “You are a fucking lunatic.”

He laughed and nodded against her body, his warm breath sliding over her skin. The question that had plagued her ever since he’d brought up that “what if” filled her mind again, but she didn’t see any way of making something this troubled work with that kind of time and distance between them.

She lowered to a crouch and took his face in her hands.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “I needed to know you were going to take care of yourself. And I’m crazy about you, too. But I can’t be a military girlfriend, Nathan. It would be too hard on both of us. I won’t drag this out.” She leaned in and kissed him gently. “Now go back to you those guys you love so much. They need you.”

When she lowered her lashes and pushed to stand, tears spilled over. But she didn’t get to her feet. Nathan pulled her down again.

“But I need you,” he said, his gaze sharp and focused and searching hers. “I can understand why you wouldn’t want me now, but I believe in us, and I’ll be waiting—in Virginia—when you change your mind.”

“Virginia?” she said as if she’d never heard of the state. “What’s in Virginia?”

“Me.” He kissed her hands. “I transferred for my last tour. I’m not going back overseas.”

Her mouth dropped open. Her legs gave, and she slumped from the crouch onto her knees. “What?”

He shook his head. “It’s not where I should be anymore.” He pulled her face close and murmured against her lips, “I belong with you.” He kissed her gently. “And I’ll be spending every day for however long it takes to prove I’m serious, prove I’m making changes, prove I love you.”

Then he slid his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close for one of his wet, slow, devastating kisses.

Earsplitting applause broke out around them, along with whistles and cheers from the Renegades. Rachel’s mouth curved against Nathan’s, and joy, a deep, rich joy, filled her.

“Okay,” Jax called in his deep voice. “Everyone back to work. Guys,” he said to the other Renegades, “grab boards and get out on the waves. Give these two some privacy.”

Chatter and laughter picked up as the crowd dispersed. Rachel pulled out of the kiss with a hitch in her heart. “What are you going to do in Virginia?”

“I’ll be building up a shitload of frequent-flier miles is what.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “It’s the only EOD unit in the States, or I would have put in for a hardship transfer closer.” His hand stroked through her hair once, then he dragged her into his arms and held her so tight, she could barely breathe. “Fuck, I’ve been living with a hole in my chest without you.”

More tears spilled over her cheeks as she whispered, “I’ve missed you, too.” But she wasn’t so sure about this whole cross-country relationship. “Nathan…”

He pulled back and wiped her tears from her cheek with his thumb.

“A cross-country romance might sound doable now, but in reality…”

“I know how much Renegades means to you.” His gaze scanned her face with so much affection, her heart filled until she thought it would burst. “But you mean just as much to me, and I’m gonna do whatever I have to do to make this work. I’ve seen Mike’s therapist a couple times in the last few days, and he’s helping me line up another one in Virginia. This” —he pushed her hair off her face— “is where I belong now.”

“I happen to know that Norfolk and Richmond are very accessible airports with nonstop flights all over the world.” Jax’s voice cut in, startling Rachel. She’d thought he’d grabbed gone down to the water with the others. “And with this new…bonanza…of cash from the Bond film, travel expenses for a location scout would be very manageable. The pay ain’t bad either. More than you’re making now, in a place with half the cost of living than LA.”