Shatter

“Okay.” I didn’t move. Neither did Nat.

Demetri watched. “So you better, like, get going, so you can do that date.”

“Right.” I licked my lips. Nat shifted on my lap causing my vision to cloud for a brief second.

“Start the car, dude.” Demetri laughed. “Then put it into drive. Go somewhere private. Make out… and don’t get my favorite future sister-in-law prego. Yeah?”

It was like having ice water thrown on me. I nodded jerkily and started the car. Nat moved away from my lap. I gave Demetri a shaky smile — something I didn’t do often. Smile like an idiot.

His eyes narrowed and then I saw a muscle flex in his jaw. Damn. Now he knew I was lying to him too. I quickly looked away and put the car in drive. “See you later, man.”

“Yeah.” Demetri didn’t make eye contact. “Later.”

****

“Alec?” Nat put her hand on mine.

“Hmm?” I turned down the music and glanced at her.

“You’ve been driving for the past fifteen minutes. I mean it’s cool if you want to leave Seaside, it’s just… I don’t know. You’ve been really quiet and now we’re on the highway, and I have no idea where you’re going.”

Shit. Was I that lost in my own drama? “It’s a surprise,” I lied and quickly managed to figure out where we were.

I’d been driving for around ten miles, meaning I was close to Canon Beach. The sign to the old bed and breakfast Demetri and I used to frequent popped up just in time. I took a right and prayed it would be open. Mr. and Mrs. Smith were always really great about making sure that paparazzi weren’t lurking around.

“Oh good!” Nat clapped her hands as I pulled into the bed and breakfast. “I’ve missed this place.”

I felt like an ass for lying, but at least she was excited about eating and hanging out. On second thought… “Um, I’ll be right back. Stay here.”

She shrugged and took a seat on the outside patio. I ran in and hoped to God they would be able to cater to us.

Chapter Five

Demetri

“You’ve been staring at the same spot in the ocean for the past hour.” Alyssa threaded her fingers through mine and smiled. “What’s up?”

“Alec.”

“What about him?”

I shrugged. “He’s smiling.”

Alyssa burst out laughing. “Alert the media! Call the president! When did you first start noticing this strange behavior?” She rolled her eyes. “Geez, you smile every second of every day. It’s not a big deal. Maybe he’s happy.”

“But I’ve always smiled,” I argued.

“You’re strange.”

“I know.” I sighed and released her hand, nervously digging through my hair like I was going to somehow sprout an answer from the chemical reaction of the sun hitting my scalp. “He’s acting like he did… before.”

“Before?” She scooted closer to me on the sand and sighed. “What? What’s his story?”

Alec would kill me if he ever found out I was telling a soul about this.

“After the drugs… for a short while… he was suicidal. He tried to overdose on his antidepressants. The doctors figured it was because he was coming down off the high from being a heroin addict, but…” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I know what that hell feels like. Shit, I lived through it too. He’s just different. He’s weird in how he deals with things. I dealt with it through going off the deep end. He just… stopped doing shit. Cold Turkey. He went on antidepressants, had one close call, and then it was like everything was suddenly fine.”

Alyssa’s dark brown hair blew in the wind as she tilted her head. “So, why is that a bad thing?”

“He never dealt. He never finished therapy. After we moved here, he was supposed to go to therapy for like a year, but he went back to do promo stuff after I crapped out and nearly killed myself. He never got his time. You know?”

Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip. “So what? Are you afraid he’s going to relapse or something? Start doing drugs again?”

I took a moment to think about it. I mean, I couldn’t see Alec taking it that far. He had Nat, and he had me of course, but the show alone was a lot of pressure. On top of that, the conversation I overheard couldn’t be helping matters.

I leaned in and kissed Alyssa’s nose. “You know I love you, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know. Now don’t change the subject. What are you so afraid of?”

The familiar heaviness of fear thumped against my chest. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. I could see Alec’s life going in two directions. One of them I couldn’t even bear to think about. I closed my eyes and told myself to stop freaking out. Alyssa was in my lap in an instant, wrapping her arms around my neck. “It’s okay. I’m the queen of panic attacks. Talk to me, Dem.”

If I said it out loud did that make it more real? “I’m afraid I’m going to lose him.” When Alec was under stress it was like he disappeared into himself. He had a tendency to push people away… One minute he’d be smiling that ridiculously fake smile, the next he was on the floor with an empty pill bottle.

Alyssa was silent while I ducked my head into her mop of hair and inhaled the familiar scent of coconut. “I’m afraid if he doesn’t deal with everything it’ll destroy him. I’m afraid of what he might do if he’s put in a position where he can’t control anything anymore.” I swallowed the panic rising in my chest. “Lyss, I’m afraid he’s going to do something stupid.”