Sweet Soul

All I saw was Annabelle…

“Here she comes, girls! Dumbfuck! Please,” Annabelle taunted, her hands clasped together in a prayer position as she faced me, “don’t speak, save us from the sound! Our ears can’t take it!” The other girls laughed. They laughed and they laughed until my head was swarmed with nothing but their sound. And I couldn’t take it. I was so lonely, and tired and afraid. I couldn’t take it…

I saw Levi come to a stop, pulling me back round from my bad thoughts. I watched as rage overtook his face. Then his eyes drifted to me, standing in the shadows, unable to hide my tears from the one person who knew my heart.

“Shit, Elsie,” he called out. The girls in front of me paled and whipped their heads round to look at me. It was the girls from our table, the ones that had listened to me speak, apparently with patience and kindness. Now they were ripping me apart. Harper stilled with what looked like regret on her face.

“Shit,” one of the girls said and stepped toward me, but I pushed past, needing to get away, needing to get air.

“Elsie!” Levi shouted after me, but I ran.

“You fucking cruel bitches!” I heard Levi snarl. “Who does that to someone? Who fucking hurts someone like that?!” I could hear his anger, his rage—something I’d never heard from him before.

I left it all behind, running out into the night without getting my coat, gripping my bag to my chest. But I didn’t care about the cold. I didn’t care about the rain as I ran into the dark street, turning left and rushing down the sidewalk.

I ignored the people in my path, tears blurring my eyes, and my scars burning under my cuffs—a stark reminder that people could be so cruel. They were so fucking cruel that, at times, I couldn’t understand why some humans were put on this Earth.

Why some people exist to mock and tear down others. What was missing in their hearts to drive them to pick on others, to fire words like fucking bullets—perfect aim, every time?

“Elsie, wait!” I heard shouted, not far behind me, then a hand clamped my arm and pulled me round. Levi’s frantic face was suddenly all I could see, but I was feeling more, feeling every name that had ever been slung my way.

I shook my head, sobs pouring out of my mouth. “Why?” I cried, and shook my head. “Why do people think that’s okay? Why do they have to be so mean? Why does anyone want to make others feel like this?” I banged my hand over my heart and spat, “Like knives are cutting my heart open?”

“Bella mia,” Levi rasped, his gray eyes tormented and lost. “Please, I didn’t know they would do that—”

“I did!” I cut in. “I did.” I ran my hand through my dampening hair. “Because it’s all they’ve ever done. It’s what people do when you’re different. It’s what they do to keep you down, in the place not worthy of them.”

Levi shook his head. “No, Elsie, they’re—”

Before I could finish, I ripped the cuffs off my wrists. I held up my hands, the scars on my wrists facing him. He had to have seen them. The evidence of what I’d done. What I’d done because of people like that.

“This is what people like that can cause! This is what their words can do. This is what happens when people come at you day and night and shred away who you are, or in my case, how you sound. They get you alone and they attack. They attack like fucking vultures, and they pick you apart, piece by agonizing piece until you can’t take it anymore. Until you’d rather be dead than alive, hating the thought of one more day being hunted like verbal prey. Because they leave their voice in your head. They plant it there so, even when they’re not around, you still hear them screaming at you, screaming that you sound horrible. That you’re an embarrassment. That you sound stupid and awful. They tell you to shut up because they can’t stand the sound of your awful voice.”

My body shivered with the cold, rain pouring harder, spoiling my dress. “They imitate, they isolate, then they strike. I never knew it was possible to tear apart a soul, a fucking soul that people can’t even see… but it is,” I whispered, sobbing out the words. “You can’t see it, you can’t physically touch it, but you feel it… you can feel the moment they tear it apart because all that’s left afterwards is darkness and pain. A fucking great empty hole.”

I gasped for breath, my chest raw and sore. I could see people around us, watching me, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t care about people anymore. All they did was trick you into thinking they were nice, until you were vulnerable, then they stole any semblance of hope.

Gentle hands took hold of my arms, and I jumped. “Bella mia,” Levi soothed. I looked up into his gray eyes and even though it was raining, I could see the tears on his cheeks. I could see the pain on his face.

“Levi,” I whispered. “Why did they have to be so mean to me?”

“I don’t know, bella mia,” he rasped and choked on his words. “Please let me take you home… please, baby.”

Levi pulled off his jacket and wrapped it over my arms. I felt weak and broken, but I let him lead me to the car already waiting out front. Stacey and Jake were standing there, clearly having got us the Jeep, but I didn’t say anything to them. A flash of red was suddenly next to Stacey and my stomach dropped when I saw it was Harper.

“Levi, please, I’m sorry, I—”

“Get the fuck out of our way, Harper. I swear, don’t fucking mess with her right now!”

Jake pulled her back. I flinched. This wasn’t Levi. This angry, pissed boy wasn’t the gentle Levi I knew.

The car was warm, but I shivered, the cold from the rain chilling me to the bone. Levi pulled out on to the road, but my head was against the window, hot tears still pouring as I replayed their words, each repeat like a slap to the face: And in bed? What kind of noises must she make…?

Levi didn’t speak. My hands ran over my wrists and I closed my eyes at the way I’d told him what I’d done; what, for months and months, I wished had worked, until I met him.

The Jeep suddenly came to a stop and I jumped out, rushing through the back gate. I heard Levi’s door slam and his feet pounding after me. “Elsie, please, wait!”

But I kept running. I ran past the kitchen of the main house, immediately seeing everyone inside and on their feet watching me closely. Levi entered the yard and caught up to me. “Elsie, please, listen.” His thumbs ran over my scars and he whispered, “What happened, bella mia? Please tell me. I’m losing my mind. Your scars…”