The Gamble

“Of course not, you were violated,” I whispered back. “What happened to you was hideous.”

“I’m weak.”

I pulled her face close to mine as I leaned in and rested my forehead to hers. “Then promise to find help to get strong.”

“I can’t get clean.”

“That’s because you’re polishing a diamond. How much more brilliant do you want it to shine, my lovely?”

Her body jerked so violently, her head came away from my hands.

“Mindy,” Bitsy called, I dropped my hands and Mindy struggled but she looked at Bitsy who lifted her arms toward the younger girl. “Come here, baby, I need you to listen to me now.” Mindy shook her head, Bitsy leaned forward and urged, “Please, give me your hands.”

“I can’t,” Mindy sobbed.

Bitsy leaned forward further and took Mindy’s hands. Lifting them up between them, she shook them hard.

“After this happened to me, I thought about suicide,” Bitsy shared and Mindy hiccoughed a loud sob and tried to pull away but Bitsy held on tight. “I did, so many times, God, so many.”

“I can’t do this,” Mindy moaned.

“I wish someone like Nina knew,” Bitsy talked over her. “I wish I had this kind of support around me. I had to fight back the urge on my own,” Bitsy said. “I never told anyone, until I told Nina the other day. I don’t know how I made it.”

“You… you…” Mindy stuttered.

“I fought it back. Sometimes I didn’t know why, what was the point? But I did it and I’m glad I did.”

“Wh… why?” Mindy asked.

“Because I have nieces now and they’re the loves of my lives. Because, no matter what people think, I had more time with Curt and he was good to me, he made me laugh. Because I got to watch you grow up and grow beautiful.” Mindy shook her head and tried to pull her hands away again but Bitsy held tight. “This kind of thing happens to you, one thing I learned is that you have to give away some of the pain. You can’t carry it all with you.”

“I… I’ve tried, with Becca, I don’t know how to let it go,” Mindy told Bitsy.

“It’s easy, you just give it away,” Bitsy explained.

“I –”

“Give me your pain, Mins,” Bitsy ordered gently.

Mindy shook her head and pulled at her hands again.

“Give it,” Bitsy urged and the tears kept falling but Mindy just stared at Bitsy until Bitsy leaned in even closer and whispered, “Give it to me, honey.”

Bitsy and Mindy looked into each other’s eyes for long moments while I held my breath. Then suddenly Mindy fell to her knees in front of Bitsy’s chair, shoved her cheek to Bitsy’s belly, wrapped her arms around Bitsy’s waist and burst into loud body-rocking tears.

Bitsy stroked Mindy’s hair with one hand, her back with the other and she curled around Mindy protectively while she did this.

I felt Mom’s fingers take mine.

“That’s it, beautiful, let it out,” Bitsy cooed and Mindy cried louder.

“Coffee now,” Mom murmured, getting up and pulling me with her.

“Mom, we can’t –”

Mom’s hand tightened in mine and I looked at her. “Coffee.”

I nodded, she let my hand go and rounded Bitsy’s chair to me, her arm coming around my waist as she led me toward the kitchen. I saw Brody holding his weeping Mom, Steve was moving toward us, the other person had disappeared but Max was watching Bitsy and Mindy.

“They need some time,” Mom stated to the gathering and kept moving me toward the kitchen.

Steve followed closely, Barb and Brody after Steve and Steve had pulled me into one of his hugs when Max arrived.

Mom searched through the cupboards to find cups. I pressed my cheek into Steve’s chest and avoided Max’s eyes.

“Steve and I did some searching,” Mom said softly to Barb and Brody. “There’s a rape crisis center a couple of towns over. We contacted them, they said they do callouts and they’re waiting for you to phone.” When Barb nor Brody said anything, Mom went on, “Now’s the time to call, to get her some help. I know it goes against the grain to push her after yesterday but it’s the right thing to do.”

“She didn’t call when we asked her to call them before,” Barb whispered.

Mom set the last cup on the counter, got close to Barb and took her hand.

“Then make her,” Mom whispered, “or, better yet, do it for her.”

Barb looked in Mom’s eyes, anxiety, uncertainty and fear in her own then slowly she nodded.

Mom looked to Steve. “Darling, will you give me that number we wrote down?” Steve pulled it out of his pocket, gave it to Mom and Mom asked Steve as she led Barb away, “Can you finish the coffees?”

Steve nodded, let me go and moved to the coffeepot.

I stood swaying, hoping that my gamble would pay off and also hoping that Max would take over for Steve.

He didn’t. Instead, to my surprise, Brody came close, grabbed my hand and walked me to the kitchen table. He sat in a chair and I stood uncertain in front of him with my hand in his. Then he tugged my hand so hard my arm jerked in its socket and with a soft gasp I went down into his lap where both his arms came around me in an embrace so tight it forced the breath right out of me. His face went into my neck, my body stiffened in his arms and my eyes flew to Max who was staring at us with a muscle jerking in his jaw.

Now what did I do?

I pulled in a breath, turned my head and positioned my mouth at Brody’s ear.

“Brody,” I called.

He didn’t answer.

Hesitantly, I put my hand to his hair. “Brody, darling, look at me.”

He did, pulling his face out of my neck and tipping it back, he looked at me and spoke.

“Owe you the world,” he whispered.

I forgot my discomfiture, settled into him and put my hand to his neck. “Brody –”

“She’s my world, my baby sister,” he said. “She’d not be here, if not for you. Owe you the world.”

I didn’t know what to say to that because essentially it was true.

So I decided to change subjects. “Promise me we’re going to have this moment and you’re going to let it go.”

“I’ll never forget,” Brody vowed.

I nodded and said, “Yes, I know, you’ll never forget, I’ll never forget, Max won’t ever forget but after this, will you promise to let it go?”