The Gamble

It was my turn to nod and I did so to Brody. He nodded back.

“Neens?” Mindy whispered and my eyes quickly went back to her.

“Yes, my lovely?” I prompted when she didn’t say any more.

She pressed her lips together, her eyes still turned away.

“I never thought –” she started.

“Tomorrow,” I said swiftly and firmly, now really understanding and her eyes skittered to me, then away.

“But, I –”

“Tomorrow, darling,” I repeated and her gaze came again to me but this time it stayed there.

“I didn’t think you’d ever, not ever… not you… I wouldn’t ever do that to you.” She paused and then whispered, “I guess I just didn’t think.”

“Stop it, Mindy,” I whispered back. “This isn’t about me, sweetheart. This is about getting you back to where you need to be.”

I watched the tears pool in her eyes and she was still whispering when she said, “Thank you, Neenee Bean.”

I swallowed back a little sob, Max’s arm slid around my shoulders and he curled my front into his side.

When I had control of my emotions, I said, “Tomorrow we’ll talk, all right, my lovely?”

She nodded, now biting at her lips, Max gave me a squeeze, I looked at him and he gave Brody a nod.

Brody moved but Max suddenly said, “No, hang on.”

Then his arm around me was gone and both of them were wrapped tight around Mindy. My hand went to my mouth and my eyes went to Brody.

“You’re loved, Mins,” I heard Max’s gravelly voice say and I watched Mindy’s fingers curl into his thermal at the back. “Maybe you don’t get how much.”

“Max,” she choked back her own sob and I closed my eyes but felt Brody’s arm replace Max’s around my shoulders. I let my weight settle against his long body and he took it like Max did, without effort.

“You forget that again, you call me, I’ll remind you,” Max said to Mindy then demanded, “Promise me that, babe.”

“Okay,” Mindy whispered.

“I want to hear you promise,” he ordered and I watched her fingers clutch his shirt.

She hesitated a heart-stopping second before she said, “I promise, Max.”

He paused too before he replied, “All right, honey.”

He pulled away but caught her face in both of his hands, touched his lips to her forehead, turned then took over for Brody holding me up.

Both my arms slid around his waist and both his arms slid around my back as Brody lifted his shoeless sister into his arms and carried her down the steps and across the gravel to the Subaru. Max and I held onto each other as we watched first Barb and Darren execute a three-point turn and drive down the lane then Brody and Mindy.

I waved just in case Mindy looked back or Brody looked in his rearview mirror. I couldn’t know if they did but I kept waving even after they turned into the road.

Max’s arms gave me a squeeze and I sighed.

“Gettin’ cold, darlin’, gonna snow,” he said and I pressed my cheek to his chest and looked at the view, both my arms again around him. He was right, the clouds were covering the sun and there was a definite chill in the air.

“You okay?” I asked his chest even though I knew the answer.

“No,” he answered honestly.

“I’m so sorry, Max,” I whispered.

“Me too,” he whispered back.

We stood there awhile silently holding onto each other. I was staring at Max’s view and I knew he was too but he was doing it with his cheek against my hair.

It was then I wondered if things would have felt differently if Max had been around when Charlie died, if I’d have had this, maybe not the view, but his strong arms around me, his cheek to my hair, if I’d had him to hold onto.

I figured it wouldn’t have hurt less, losing Charlie, but it would have hurt less, knowing after I did that I wasn’t alone.

And I realized then that losing Charlie was when the loneliness crept in and I had been in such grief, I hadn’t been able to beat it back. So when I met Niles not long after and he’d been kind and in his way attentive, I’d fixed myself to him because with him I was no longer alone.

The problem was, I never stopped being lonely.

Max broke the silence when he asked softly, “This how you feel all the time?”

I tipped my head back to look at him. “I’m sorry?”

“Charlie.”

I closed my eyes then opened them and nodded the truth.

“Honey,” he whispered, his face getting soft, his eyes getting warm but there was something else there, an understanding that rent my heart.

“But you have a different ending, darling. She’s going to be okay,” I promised him.

“Yeah,” he replied, giving me a squeeze.

“Nina’ll freeze to death, you keep her on the porch much longer,” Cotton called and we both turned to see him leaning out the front door. “Anyways, we got pictures to hang, son, get your hind end in here.” Then he pulled back but left the door open.

The moment was broken so I decided it was high time to lighten the mood.

Therefore as we walked, our arms around each other, to the open door, I said, “I think Cotton is trying to singlehandedly increase your gas bill by two hundred percent.”

“Did I say he was a pain in my ass?” Max asked loudly as we moved into the house and Max closed the door.

“I give him my pictures, he calls me a pain in the ass,” Cotton complained to my mother who looked alarmingly like she was cooking and I hoped the mood to concoct was assuaged at breakfast because she’d also been to the grocery store which meant her ingredients could easily have taken a creative therefore alarming turn.

“Children these days,” Mom said back, “no gratitude.”

“Max, Mom called you a child again,” I told on my mother even though Max heard it himself.

“Yeah but she’s making her Mexican casserole,” Steve said, I sucked in an excited breath, Steve grinned at me then looked to Max. “Nina likes her mother’s Mexican casserole.”

Max stopped me at the end of the counter and I looked up at him and explained, “You will too. You taste it you’ll think nothing but ‘Ambrosia of the Gods’.”

Max smiled down at me and I was relieved to see this one was a little bit more like Max’s normal, beautiful grin.

“Never thought those four words in my whole life, Duchess,” he informed me. “In fact, I don’t even know what one of them means.”