The Hazards of Mistletoe (Hazards #4)(27)
Author: Alyssa Rose Ivy

She shivered in my arms, and I sensed it wasn’t from the cold.

“You mean a lot to me, Savy. Maybe I haven’t done the best job of showing you lately, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“How doesn’t that change anything?” She didn’t move away from me, and her breath was warm on my face as she spoke. “How can you say that? We haven’t spoken in a year.”

“Maybe not, but I’ve thought about you constantly.”

“I know that feeling.” She started to pull away.

I couldn’t let her. I wasn’t ready to feel the emptiness in my arms. I held on tighter. “You feel it too.”

“Feel what?”

“It’s still there. If anything it’s even stronger now. It’s like a year apart intensified it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She looked down.

“Yes you do.” I brushed my lips against hers. “You know exactly what I mean.”

She closed her eyes. “I don’t want to know it.”

“Want has nothing to do with it. This is about need. There’s an electricity. It’s always been there, and I’ve never felt it with anyone else.”

“Me either.” Her words were whispered and she leaned forward, resting her head on my chest.

“Too bad it can’t do all the talking for us.”

“It can’t.”

“I know.” I reluctantly pulled away, but only long enough to take her hand and walk her over to the couch. “Can I do anything to make you more comfortable?”

She sat down on the corner cushion stiffly. “I’m fine.”

“I figure we can wait on dessert.”

“Probably a good idea.”

“Where should we start?” I sat down next to her, purposely leaving almost no space between us.

“Why’d you do it?”

I exhaled loudly. “Why’d I leave last year?”

“Yeah. Why did you walk out like that? I was offering myself to you, and I don’t care what you say, you rejected me.”

“I wasn’t rejecting you. I know that’s how it felt, and I can’t sit here and tell you not to feel that way, but I really was doing it because I thought I had to.”

“But why?”

“Because my life was falling apart, and I couldn’t take you with me. I couldn’t use you. I knew I couldn’t give you what you needed.”

“So why all this effort now? We both know we can’t just be friends.”

“Tell me one thing before I answer that.”

“What?” She kicked off her boots before curling her feet up next to her on the couch.

“Are you happy?”

She shrugged. “Define happy.”

“That’s why I’m not staying away from you. I saw it in your eyes. You aren’t happier without me, so why stay away? Why make us both miserable?”

“You haven’t explained everything yet. You knew how I felt about you. Why couldn’t you just be with me? Were you afraid I wanted something long term, and you didn’t want to do long distance?”

I laughed dryly. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I mean why else would it be using me?”

“Because you were going away to school. I couldn’t hold you back out of my own selfish needs.”

“What about my needs?”

“What are your needs?” I rested a hand on her leg. I’d have given anything to get her jeans out of the way so I could touch her skin.

“To feel. To feel like myself, to feel love. To feel like I’m doing more than just fumbling my way through life.”

“I wish I could take care of all those needs for you.”

“I’m not asking you too.”

“No. I’m the one asking you to let me.”

“What if you change your mind again?”

“I can’t. I can’t change my mind. I can’t get you out of my head, out of my dreams. I was being serious when I told you I haven’t brought a girl back here. I’ve been so messed up about what happened, about not having you. I’ve refused to settle for anyone else.”

“Why are you here? I still don’t get it.”

“I got kicked out of school.” I settled back against the couch.

“Why?” She leaned forward. “What happened?”

“They said I broke the honor code, and I guess technically I did, but all I was doing was helping a friend.”

“They kicked you out for helping someone?”

“It was a take home exam. It’s a long story, but I got kicked out for it.”

“How about the friend you were helping?”

“He’s still there. He let me take the fall.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.” My anger about it had started to fade. It was nothing compared to the regret I had about how things went down with Savy. “I can start classes again next year, but I’m not going to. I’m not going to go back there after everything.”

She put her hands on both sides of my face. “When did you find out?”

“While we were here last year. I was going to tell you after you went back home, but then everything happened.”

“That’s why you seemed weird that night.”

“I was trying to figure out what to do. I knew my parents were going to flip out.”

“How did they react?”

“My dad immediately pulled strings to get me in somewhere else, but I said I wanted to take time off. They cut me off, but I was able to find a job here.” I had no interest in going to school anywhere yet. I was burned out on the whole situation and needed a break. Working in Vail just made sense.

“And you’ve been living here this whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. That’s kind of crazy.” Her expression was unreadable, but I saw no judgment. She was just trying to wrap her head around everything.

“Now, it’s your turn.”

“My turn?” She put a hand to her chest.

“Yes. What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been in school at Harrison.”

“And that crack about older guys, that was just to make me mad, right?”

“Kind of.”

“Meaning?”

“I’ve spent some time with older guys. You’re supposed to date, so I have. I never let it go far though.”

“Never let it get far… meaning you don’t sleep with them?” I needed her answer to be no. I needed to know that my stupidity hadn’t sent her running into the arms of men who had no right touching her.