The Will (Magdalene #1)(103)
Author: Kristen Ashley

“You can’t go to bed at two in the morning and get up at six thirty, Jake. Not regularly. That’s not healthy,” I said softly.

“Been doin’ that shit for years, Josie, it’s my life. I’m used to it. Doesn’t bother me. I find times to get my sleep in,” he replied softly. “What I like a whole f**kuva lot is that you give a shit.”

I curled my arms around his back and told him, “I’m glad you like that, Jake. Very much so. But I still believe you should give me keys to the gym or introduce me around the club or both.”

Before I was done, his body was shaking. When I finished, the bed was shaking. He was also smiling.

“I’m not joking,” I told him.

His deep voice was shaking as well when he replied, “I know you aren’t.”

“So are you going to give me the keys to the gym and show me around the club?”

He was still smiling when he asked, “Are you gonna shut up about it unless I do?”

“That’s unlikely.”

“Then I guess I am,” he said, still smiling.

“That would make me feel better,” I told him.

“That’s my job, to make you feel better,” he stated but it sounded like he was teasing.

I decided to ignore that and declared, “You can pay for my assistance in orgasms.”

That got no smiles.

Oh no.

He burst out laughing. He did this so hard he collapsed on me, his face in my neck and I took most of his weight.

He was very hard. Very solid. Very warm. And very heavy.

“Jake,” I wheezed, squeezing him with my arms.

He lifted up, but did so still laughing quite boisterously.

“I was also not joking about that,” I told him through his laughter, which made him drop his forehead to mine and laugh more boisterously.

I slapped his back lightly. He lifted up his head and his humor quieted but it didn’t go away.

“You do give very good orgasms,” I informed him.

“Heard that, felt it, watched it, babe,” he said through his now-chuckling. “But I’d give you those for free.”

Yes, of course he would.

I amended my negotiation. “Then you can pay me in tacos.”

He held my eyes as he shook his head and his body again started shaking.

I felt my eyes narrow. “Again, I wasn’t being amusing.”

Suddenly, his laughter died and he replaced his hand at my jaw. Just as suddenly it seemed not only was his body on mine but his commanding presence was shrouding me, warm and snug, and last and most importantly with what was to come, safe.

“You know Lydie talked about you.”

I said nothing. My heart had started beating very hard and my arms had convulsed around him without me telling them to do so.

That was still an answer and Jake heard it.

“I know about your dad. I know about what your dad did to your mom. How he did it often. I know you saw it. I know he’d call you down just to watch. I know that’s f**ked and I know that f**ked with you.”

He paused.

I braced.

He went on, “I know about Andy.”

I closed my eyes and turned my head away. Even braced I was unprepared for this, but when I moved, Jake’s mouth came to my ear.

“And I know about that guy.”

I closed my eyes tighter.

“I’m not tellin’ you this to freak you out. To hurt you. Lydie told me I figure ‘cause she had to let that shit go too. She liked me, she trusted me with that and with that part of you she was givin’ to me and that’s an honor, baby. From her and to have that about you.”

He stopped speaking and stroked my jaw with his thumb.

When I said nothing, he continued.

“I’m tellin’ you this now, when you’re mine, when you’re with me, naked, close, safe, we both know we care about each other and want to build somethin’ so you know I know that was it for you. You’re not a practiced hand at this. You’ve never really had a man and I get why. I f**kin’ do. Down to my gut I do, baby. And we can go there when you’re ready. Right now, all you have to know is, I’ll make you tacos until you can’t stand lookin’ at them anymore, if that’s what you want and I’ll do it just because you want them. The bottom line is, you look out for me, I’ll look out for you. I’ll make you come as often as you want. I’ll make you dinner, take you to dinner, take you to New York to see your friends, fly you to Paris ‘cause you wanna eat snails, I don’t give a f**k. But I won’t do that in return for shit you do for me. That’s what you give me. The only time it’ll go bad is if you don’t feel you get what you need from me and get it just because.”

He stopped speaking.

I remained silent.

“Do you understand that, Josie?” he asked.

I took in a breath through my nostrils, opened my eyes and turned to look at him.

All he said was lovely. Truly lovely.

Wonderful.

But what I asked was, “You know about Andy?”

“Yeah, baby,” he answered gently.

“Do you know what happened after dad found—”

Jake cut me off. “That he put you in the hospital. Yeah.”

I pressed my lips together and rolled them.

“Know Lydie reported her son to CPS and got custody of you when that happened too,” he said.

Gran did tell him about me.

All about me.

I could do nothing but nod.

He kept speaking.

“Know you spent your senior year at St. Michael’s. A good school. Private. Just girls. Safe for you. Close so you could be with Lydie.”

I nodded again.

He continued.

“Know you went to college and met a supreme ass**le.”

My heart jumped.

“Can we not talk about that part now?” I asked in a feeble voice.

His thumb swept my jaw again. “Yeah, honey.”

“You’re right. I’ve never been in a relationship. Not, well…since then,” I confirmed.

He instantly replied, “And you know I don’t have a good track record so we’ll both be findin’ our way.”

I held his eyes, liking that, liking how he didn’t make me feel strange or weak for the decisions I’d made or the life I’d led.

And I most assuredly wanted to find the way with Jake.

My gaze drifted to his shoulder and I went back on what I asked earlier.

“I found my dad in him,” I shared.

“I know,” he replied quietly.

“Not Andy,” I stated to make certain he understood. “He was lovely before. He was lovely after. He called. He even wrote. But I couldn’t go back.”