Turn Coat (Page 115)

I set about restoring order, though, and I was hauling the mattress out to tie onto my car so that I could take it to the dump, when Luccio arrived.

She was dressed in grey slacks and a white shirt, and carried a black nylon sports equipment bag, which would hold, I knew, the rather short staff she favored and her Warden’s blade, among other things. The clothes were new. I realized, belatedly, that they’d been the sort that she’d favored when I first met her, wearing another body.

"Hey," I panted. "Give me a second."

"I’ll give you a hand," she replied. She helped me maneuver the mattress onto the top of the Blue Beetle, and then we tied it off with some clothesline. She checked the knots, making sure everything was just so, and then leaned on the car, studying my face.

I looked back at her.

"Rashid said he talked to you," she said.

I nodded. "Didn’t want to push."

"I appreciate that. Quite a bit, actually." She looked off to one side. Mouse, now that the work was done, came out of a shamelessly lazy doze he’d been holding in the doorway and trotted over to Luccio. He sat down and offered her his paw.

She smiled quietly and took it. Then she ruffled the fur behind his ears with her fingers, the way she knew he liked, and stood up. "I, ah… I wanted to be sure you were recovering."

"That’s very responsible of you," I said.

She winced. "Ah. Dammit to hell, Dresden." She shook her head. "I spent almost two hundred years not getting close to anyone. For damn good reasons. As can be evidenced by what happened here."

"Can it?"

She shook her head. "I was… distracted, by you. By… us, I suppose. Maybe if I hadn’t been, I’d have seen something. Noticed something. I don’t know."

"I kind of thought that you were distracted by the mind mage who had you twisted in knots."

She grimaced. "They’re separate things. And I know that. But at the same time, I don’t know that. And here I’m talking like some flustered teenager." She put her hands on her hips, her mouth set in annoyance. "I’m not good at this. Help."

"Well," I said. "I take it that you came here to let me know that you weren’t going to keep pursuing… whatever it is we had."

"It’s not because of you," she said.

"I know," I said. "Never was, was it?"

She exhaled through her nose, a slow sigh. Her eyes lingered on me. "I’ve always liked you, Dresden. For a long time, I thought you were dangerous. Then I saw you in action against the Heirs of Kemmler, and I respected you." She smiled slightly. "You’re funny. I like that."

"But?" I asked.

"But someone pushed me toward you," she said. "And that pisses me off. And…" She started weeping, though her posture and her voice didn’t waver. "And I thought that maybe I had broken through some kind of… scar. Or old wound. Or something. That I had grown closer to you, and maybe would keep growing closer to you, and it made me feel…" She shook her head as her voice finally broke. "Young. It made everything feel new."

I walked around the car to stand in front of her. I reached a hand toward her shoulder, but she raised hers in a gesture of denial. "But it was a lie. I’m not young, Harry. I’m not new. I’ve seen and done things that… that you can’t understand. That I pray to God you’ll never need to understand." She took a deep breath. "This is ridiculous. I should be better at handling this."

"What’s wrong?" I asked quietly. "I mean, other than the obvious."

"I got to have sex again," she snarled. "And I liked it. I really liked it. I had forgotten exactly how mind-numbingly incredible sex is. And right now I’m having trouble forming complete sentences because I want to rip your shirt off and bite your shoulder while you’re still sweating while you-" She broke off abruptly, her cheeks turning bright red. "You’re not even forty."

I leaned against the car, looking at her, and started laughing quietly.

She shook her head, scowling ferociously at me, her dark eyes bright. "How am I supposed to give you orders, now?" she asked. "When you and I have… done all the things we’ve done."

"Well. What if I promise not to put the pictures on the Internet."

She blinked at me. "Pictures… you are joking, Dresden? Aren’t you?"

I nodded.

"Because I had quite enough of that during my first young adult-hood," she said. "Italy may not have had an Internet back then, but you’d be shocked how quickly pictures can circulate even when they’re painted on canvas."

"Ana," I said quietly.

She bit her lip and looked at me.

I reached out and took her hands. I squeezed them. Then I lifted them to my lips and kissed them each once, gently. "Whatever the reason, I’m happy to remember the time we had."

She blinked her eyes several times, looking up at me.

"I get it," I said. "Things have changed. And maybe that time is over. But you’ll be okay. And I’ll be okay. You don’t have to feel guilty about that."

She lifted my hands to her lips and kissed them, once each, just as I had. A tear fell on my knuckle. "I’m sorry," she said.

"It’ll be okay," I said. "It’s okay."

She nodded and looked up at me. I could see the calm, collected strength of the Captain of the Wardens, ready to assume its guiding role. I could see the uncertainty of Anastasia, who hadn’t been close to anyone in a long time. And maybe I could see something lonely and sad that was a part of who she had been when she was a young woman, well over a century before I was born.

"Goodbye, Harry," she whispered.

"Goodbye, Ana," I said.

She squeezed my hands and turned to walk away. She stopped after half a dozen paces and looked back.

"Dresden?"

I looked at her.

"Rashid doesn’t talk much about the night Morgan died. I barely remember anything myself, after Peabody said what he said."

I knew what she was after. "He wasn’t alone," I said. "I was with him. And he knew that he’d found the traitor. He was content."

Something tight in her shoulders eased. "Thank you," she said.

"Sure."

Then she turned and strode purposefully away.

I looked at the bloodstained mattress on the Blue Beetle, and sighed. I didn’t feel like driving it anywhere. It was early. It could wait a few hours. I turned to Mouse and said, "Come on, boy. I need a beer."

We descended out of the summer heat into the relative cool of my basement apartment.