Ugly Love(34)
Author: Colleen Hoover

I return my attention to the controls until I reach optimal altitude, and then I mute Cap’s headset. I glance at Tate, and she’s staring at me, watching me with an appreciative smile spread across her lips.

“Want to know why we’re here?” I ask her.

She glances over her shoulder at Cap and then looks back at me. “Because he’s never done this before.”

I shake my head, timing it just right. “Remember the day we were driving back from your parents’ house after Thanksgiving?”

She nods, but her eyes are curious now.

“You asked what it was like to experience the sunrise from up here. It’s not something that can be described, Tate.” I point out her window. “You just have to experience it for yourself.”

She immediately turns and looks out her window. Her palms press against the glass, and for five minutes straight, she doesn’t move a muscle. She watches it the entire time, and I don’t know how, but I fall even more in love with her in this moment.

When the sun has broken through the clouds and the airplane is completely filled with sunlight, she finally turns back to face me. Her eyes are filled with tears, and she doesn’t speak a word. She just reaches for my hand and holds it.

“Wait here,” I tell her. “I want to help Cap out first. A driver is taking him back to the apartment, because you and I are going to breakfast after this.”

She tells Cap goodbye and waits patiently in the plane as I help him down the steps. He reaches into his pocket and hands me the boxes, then flashes me one of his approving smiles. I shove the boxes into the pocket of my jacket and turn back toward the steps.

“Hey, boy!” Cap yells, right before climbing into the car. I pause and turn around to face him. He looks at the plane behind me. “Thank you,” he says, waving his hand down the length of the plane. “For this.”

I nod, but he disappears inside the vehicle before I can tell him thank you in return.

I climb back up the steps and into the plane. She’s unbuckling her safety belt, getting prepared to exit the plane, but I slide back into my seat.

She smiles at me warmly. “You’re incredible, Miles Mikel Archer. And I have to say, you look pretty damn hot flying an airplane. We should do this more often.”

She gives me a quick peck on the mouth and begins to get up out of her seat.

I push her back down. “We’re not finished,” I say, turning and facing her full on. I take her hands in mine and look down at them, inhaling slowly, preparing to say everything she deserves to hear. “That day you asked me about watching the sunrise?” I look her in the eyes again. “I need to thank you for that. It was the first moment in more than six years I felt like I wanted to love someone again.”

She blows out a quick breath with her smile and pulls in her bottom lip to try to hide it. I lift a hand to her face and pull her lip out from beneath her teeth with the pressure of my thumb. “I told you not to do that. I love your smile almost as much as I love you.”

I lean forward to kiss her again, but I keep my eyes open so I can make sure that I’m retrieving the black box first. When I have it in my hand, I stop kissing her and pull away. Her eyes fall to the box and immediately grow wide, moving back and forth between the box and my face. Her hand comes up to her mouth, and she covers her gasp.

“Miles,” she says, continuing to trade glances between me and the box in my hands.

I cut her off. “It’s not what you think,” I say, immediately opening the box to reveal the key. “It’s kind of not what you think,” I hesitantly add.

Her eyes are wide and hopeful, and I’m relieved by her reaction. I can tell by her smile that she wants this.

I pull the key out and flip her hand over, then place it in her palm. She stares at the key for several seconds and looks back up at me. “Tate,” I say, looking at her with hope. “Will you move in with me?”

She looks down at the key one more time, then says two words that bring an immediate smile to my face.

Hell and yes.

I lean forward and kiss her. Our legs and arms and mouths become two pieces of a puzzle, fitting together effortlessly. She winds up in my lap, straddling me in the cockpit of the airplane.

It’s cramped and tight.

It’s perfect.

“I’m not a very good cook, though,” she warns. “And you do laundry way better than I do. I just throw all the whites and colors together. And you know I’m not very nice in the morning.” She’s holding my face, spouting off every warning she can, as if I don’t know what I’m getting myself into.

“Listen, Tate,” I tell her. “I want your mess. I want your clothes on my bedroom floor. I want your toothbrush in my bathroom. I want your shoes in my closet. I want your mediocre leftovers in my fridge.”

She laughs at that.

“Oh, and I almost forgot,” I say, pulling the other box from my pocket. I hold it up between us and open it, revealing the ring. “I also want you in my future. Forever.”

Her mouth is open in shock, and she’s staring at the ring. She’s frozen. I hope she doesn’t have doubts, because I have absolutely none when it comes to wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. I know it’s only been six months, but when you know, you know.

Her silence makes me nervous, so I quickly remove the ring and pick up her hand. “Will you break rule number two with me, Tate? Because I really want to marry you.”

She doesn’t even have to say yes. Her tears and her kiss and her laugh say it for her.

She pulls back and looks at me with so much love and appreciation it makes my chest hurt.

She’s absolutely beautiful. Her hope is beautiful. The smile on her face is beautiful. The tears streaming down her cheeks are beautiful.

Her love is beautiful.

She exhales a soft breath and leans in slowly, gently pressing her lips to mine. Her kiss is filled with tenderness and affection and an unspoken promise that she’s mine now.

Forever.

“Miles,” she whispers against my mouth, teasing my lips with hers. “I’ve never made love in an airplane before.”

A smile immediately forms on my lips. It’s as if she somehow infiltrated my thoughts.

“I’ve never made love to my fiancée before,” I say in response.

Her hands slowly slide down my neck and shirt until her fingers meet the button on my jeans.

“Well, I think we need to rectify that,” she says, ending her sentence with a kiss.

When her mouth meets mine again, it’s as if every last piece of my armor disintegrates and every last piece of ice surrounding the glacier that was my heart melts and evaporates.

Whoever coined the phrase, I love you to death obviously never experienced the kind of love Tate and I share.

If that were the case, the phrase would be I love you to life.

Because that’s exactly what Tate did.

She loved me back to life.

The end.

EPILOGUE

I think back to the day I married her.

It was one of the best days of my life.

I remember standing next to Ian and Corbin at the end of the aisle. We were waiting for her to walk through the doors when Corbin leaned over and whispered something to me.

He said, “You’re the only one who could have ever met my standards for her, Miles. I’m happy it’s you.”

I was happy it was me, too.

That was more than two years ago, and every day since then, I’ve somehow fallen in love with her a little bit more.

Or flew, rather.

I didn’t cry the day I married her, though.

Her tears were falling falling falling that day, but mine weren’t.

I was convinced they never would.

Not in the way I wished they could.

It was eight months ago when we found out we were having a baby.

We weren’t trying to have a baby, but we also weren’t not trying.

“If it happens it happens,” Tate said.

It happened.

When we found out, we were both excited.

She cried.

Her tears were falling falling but mine weren’t.

As excited as I was, I was also scared.

I was scared of the fear that comes along with loving someone that much.

Scared of everything bad that could happen.

I was scared that my memories would take away from the day I became a father again.

Well, it just happened.

And I’m still scared.

Terrified.

“It’s a girl,” the doctor says.

A girl.

We just had a baby girl.

I just became a father again.

Tate just became a mother.

Feel something, Miles.

Tate looks up at me.

I know she can see the fear in my eyes. I also know how much pain she’s in right now, but she still somehow manages a smile.

“Sam,” she whispers, saying her name out loud for the first time. Tate insisted we name her Sam in honor of Cap’s real name, Samuel.

I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

The nurse walks over to Tate and lays Sam in her arms.

Tate begins to cry.

My eyes are still dry.

I’m still too scared to look away from Tate and down at our daughter.

I’m not afraid of what I’ll feel when I look at her.

I’m afraid of what I won’t feel.

I’m terrified my past experiences have ruined any ability I have to feel what every father should feel in this moment.

“Come here,” Tate says, wanting me closer.

I sit down next to them on the bed.

She hands Sam to me, and my hands are shaking, but I take her anyway.

I close my eyes and release a slow breath before finding the courage to open them again.

I feel Tate’s hand fall gently to my arm.

“She’s beautiful, Miles,” she whispers. “Look at her.”

I open my eyes and inhale sharply when I see her.

She looks just like he did, except that she has Tate’s brown hair.

Her eyes are blue.

She has my eyes.

I feel it.

It’s all there.

Everything I felt the first time I held him in my arms is every single thing I’m feeling now as I look down at her.

Believing that I lacked the ability to love someone in this capacity again was the only fear I had left to conquer.

One look at Sam, and she just helped me conquer that fear.

She’s already my hero, and she’s only two minutes old.

“She’s so beautiful, Tate,” I whisper. “So beautiful.”

My voice cracks.

My face is covered in tears.

Falling

Falling

Falling.

For the first time since the moment I held Clayton in my arms, I’m crying tears of joy.

Rachel was right. The pain will always be there.

So will the fear.

But the pain and fear are no longer my life. They’re only moments.

Moments that are constantly overshadowed with every minute I spend with Tate.

And now with every minute I spend with Sam.

Me and Tate and Sam.

My family.

I kiss her on the forehead, and then I lean over and kiss Tate for giving me something this beautiful again.

Tate lays her head on my arm, and we both watch her.

Our daughter.

I love you so much, Sam.

I’m looking down at the perfection we created when it hits me.

It’s all worth it.

It’s the beautiful moments like these that make up for the ugly love.