Waiting for Always (Beautiful Surrender #5)(13)
Author: Ava Claire

Have the floors refinished.

"Don’t you even think about sending a bunch of people over to the house," she scolded, reading my mind. "I get by just fine."

I took in my surroundings. It had been a couple of years since I’d been back home, but it seemed like a lifetime had passed. Everything seemed covered in dust and hanging onto its last gasps of life.

"Have you been getting the checks?" I asked, even though I knew she had.

"Of course," she said, flipping on the light in the kitchen. She pointed at the chair where she had a glass of milk waiting for me. "Not sure what you expect me to buy that costs twenty thousand dollars a month, but I deposit every one, just in case."

"Well, you could take a trip. Or come out to see me," I offered.

"You know, me and Johnny always wanted to go to Hawaii." She paused, her head lowered with so much sadness on her face that I would have given everything I had to bring him back. He was just as kind and giving as Rose, and together they managed to love each other fiercely and still have enough love to make me feel like I wasn’t a mistake. That I had worth and a purpose.

He passed away two years ago, cancer eating away at him until there was nothing left but the ashes that she kept on her mantle.

My eyes darted over to the fireplace, picturing him curled up in the beat-up recliner, reading some dusty book. I brought my hand to the light, my fingers smudged with dust.

A maid.

The plate of cookies snapped their chocolate chip fingers. When I met Rose’s steel gray gaze, warmth flooded my face. I was a grown man, the head of a multibillion-dollar company, and one look from her made me want to hang my head like I was a kid again.

"You can go ahead and cancel the cavalry that’s going to swoop in here and save me, kiddo." She pulled a chair across the stained linoleum and plopped down beside me.

"But I have means," I insisted. "I can give you whatever you require-"

"What I require isn’t huffing and remodeling and robbing this place of all its character," she winked. Her wrinkle-lined face went solemn. "What I need is your love, son. And the last time I checked, that was free."

I covered her hand with my own, twinges of love and fear of every moment that passed that would lead to me saying goodbye to her, too. Love wasn’t free at all. It cost little pieces of yourself every time you said those three words. It’s why I’d never said them aloud. But I loved Rose Bryson. I loved her so much it brought me pain to see the flash of pain crease her face when she moved, or the tears that filled her eyes when she talked about Johnny, or the children she birthed who barely visited. But I could cast no stones—I could visit more often. I had the means…but coming home brought up too many good memories. And I couldn’t remember the good without reliving the bad memories that paved the way for them to happen in the first place.

She covered my hand with her free one, giving it a squeeze before she pulled away and pushed the plate of cookies closer. "These aren’t going to eat themselves."

I took a bite out of it, the chocolate bringing my taste buds to life. I’d helped her make these exact cookies countless times, so much so that I could make them with my eyes closed. I’d even tried replicating it, but something was always missing.

I washed it down with a gulp of the milk. "Thanks."

"You’re welcome. Now tell me what’s happened."

A smile cut its way across my lips. She was never one to mince words. Straight shot, cut and dry. "I’m sure you’ve seen a hint of it on Access Hollywood."

She smirked, a blush racing through her cheeks. "Even if I watched that show, which I don’t, I’m not watching much of anything since the TV died." She held up a finger before I could say I’d have one delivered tonight if she wanted it. "I don’t need a television. How about you give me the news the old-fashioned way?"

"I met someone." Melissa. I saw her in my mind so clearly. Her hair like spun gold, wrapped around my fist as I pulled her lips to mine. I didn’t give her the release that she craved. That I craved. My eyes touched every curve of her beautiful face, then I kissed those lips that were the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted. I got a hold of myself. Getting an erection with Rose waiting anxiously for more information wasn’t my idea of a good time.

That would include Melissa, silk rope, and the spanking bench.

"So you met someone," Rose ventured. "That’s not a good thing?"

"Melissa is a great thing," I cut in quickly. "The best thing. She’s feisty and funny and a puzzle that gets more complex and beautiful the further I…" The hollowness came back. The emptiness that made me pull up her number, finger hovering above the phone icon.

"You love her," Rose said softly. She handed me a second cookie. "More milk?"

"You got anything with a kick?"

"Are we celebrating? You’re in love—"

"And then the baby happened." When her eyes bulged from her skull, probably hearing the word ‘Grandma’, I tacked on the addendum. "There is no baby anymore. Not for me anyway. A woman I saw before I met Melissa tried to use the baby to revive our relationship."

She patted my hand and moved soundlessly to the cupboard beside the fridge. She came back with a bottle of Kahlua. I was tempted to ask her how old it was but decided that I didn’t care much. She poured a few dollops in mine, then sat back down.

"What a terrible thing to do to you," she clucked her tongue unhappily.

"Because I’m clearly not ready for a child?" I said bitingly.

"Because you have so much love to give."

I frowned, studying her for some sign that maybe I needed to put a trip to the doctor on the list. "Me? You must be kidding. I fought you and Johnny at every turn. And out of all of the shit I’ve dealt with, if anyone was deserving of anything resembling love, it’s the two of you."

She ruffled my hair, her bony fingers tousling my hair like she’d done countless times. I usually shook off her touch in a huff, but I let her love in. "The harder you pushed, the clearer it became. You loved us so much that you were terrified of losing us. The barrier you built around yourself was because we’d burrowed our way beneath the wire. Loving terrifies you, because you have such a big heart. And when you have a big heart, being hurt hits you that much harder."

I shot to my feet, turning my back on her. The emotion, it was unbearable. All these weeks of feeling nothing but anger at Delilah, anger at myself, and regret at ever letting Melissa walk out of my door when I promised I wouldn’t let her go again. And now Rose—