You Make Me (Blurred Lines #1)(24)
Author: Erin McCarthy

Heath lived in an old rundown house that had been broken up into multiple apartments. Knocking hard on his door, I bounced on the balls of my feet, feeling wild and out of control. The second he pulled the door open, studying me, just a hint of a smile on his face, I pushed past him and blurted out, “Ethan found out.”

His eyebrows rose. “Found out what?” He slowly closed the door, not looking particularly concerned.

“He read our texts.”

“Is that what’s wrong?”

“Yes!” Wasn’t that enough?

He smiled though, a full, real smile. “Poor guy.”

But he couldn’t contain his glee. He tried to sound blasé, yet the grin gave it away.

“You don’t even care. We had a huge fight.”

“You’re right. I don’t care.”

I gasped.

“I care about you, Cat. I don’t give a shit about him.”

“So you’re glad that I’m upset?”

“No. I’m glad he knows that we talk. That I’m a threat.”

“A threat? What kind of a word is that?” Momentarily distracted, I asked him the question I had been afraid to ask before. I hadn’t wanted to pry about our years apart, but now I was curious because he sounded so… militant. “What was it like, being in Afghanistan?”

The smile dimmed. “You want war stories? Right now?” he asked incredulously.

“Did you see bad things?” That sounded ridiculously naïve but I didn’t want to come right out and ask him if he had killed people. Or seen bodies. Which of course he had if he had been in combat. He’d seen death before I’d even known him. His mother had overdosed in front of him, though he hadn’t understood that at three years old. Just that she was sleeping for two days before anyone found them.

But I wanted to know what he had been through, because I might never see him again. The thought made my throat close up.

“Baby, why are you asking me that?” He took my hand in his, studying me carefully. “Yes. I saw bad things. It was mostly boring and lonely, but there were definitely rough days. Why do you want to talk about that right now?”

“Because…” I swallowed hard, my eyes filling with tears. “Because I can’t see you anymore. Ethan found the texts and he’s upset and he says I have to delete your number and never see you again.”

I expected him to explode immediately. But he had more control than I did. “And is that what you want?” he asked carefully.

“No!” The word came out like a hysterical gurgle. “That’s not what I want at all. But what am I supposed to do?” I knew Ethan would leave me if I continued to see Heath. I couldn’t blame him for that. If I were in that position I would do the same thing.

“Whatever you want. You’re not supposed to just blindly follow some guy’s orders. You make your own decisions.”

“I have to do this.” But even as I said it, I looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

“I can’t accept that.”

His fingers were stroking down my ring finger, up and down, coming close to my engagement ring but not touching it. It felt sexual. It felt intimate. Arousing. Heat pooled between my thighs unexpectedly. I didn’t want to look at him, so I looked down at our hands, at his callused fingers coming to a rest on my ring and twisting it, lifting it slightly.

As if he lifted my chin himself, my head rose, and my eyes met his. I couldn’t resist. My chest heaved rapidly and I felt every hair on my arms stand on end.

“Can I?” he asked, his voice seductive, tantalizing, coaxing.

He wanted to take my ring off. He wanted to remove the ring. Remove Ethan, at least metaphorically. If I let him, he would have me down on this carpet and naked in a matter of minutes, giving in to him, giving in to the past. Ignoring the future. Giving up everything for the breathless pleasure of him loving me.

My mouth opened. I almost said yes.

But if I let him take that ring off and set it down on the table, I would still be cheating. I would still have to go back and face Ethan having done exactly what he had feared I would. Proving him right. I had to be stronger than that. If my relationship was going to end, it wasn’t going to be because I couldn’t control myself.

“No,” I whispered, my eyes drifting closed. I didn’t want to see his disappointment. I didn’t want to be the source of pain.

“Look at me,” he commanded. His lips were close to my ear, his body brushing mine.

I was trembling everywhere and I was afraid of what I would see. His eyes. His mouth. I ached with the desire to feel his lips on mine because I knew this time it really was goodbye. I couldn’t hold on to both of them.

Steeling myself, I opened my eyes. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. “I’m not angry.” His thumb moved down my cheek in a soft caress. “I know this is hard for you. But your relationship with Ethan will end. It’s already started. And when it’s over, I’ll be here. I will always be here, in your life, whether you see me or not.”

He would. I knew that. And it tore me apart. It felt like I would never be free of him because he was inside me. A part of me.

Turning my head, I gave the back of his hand a shaky kiss. “I love you,” I whispered.

Then I took off. I ran out of the apartment. Out the front door. Down the street. I ran until my lungs burned and my legs strained. I cried as I ran, snot running down onto my upper lip. I didn’t bother to wipe it. I ran until I reached the sorority house and I hid my face with my arm as I went up the stairs. I felt eyes on me, but no one said anything.

Ethan was in my unlocked room, sitting on my bed, playing with his phone. He looked up in alarm as I burst in. “Caitlyn? What happened?” He sounded unsure, vulnerable, yet even so, he sat up and opened his arms for me.

I fell into his embrace, sobbing the kind of wet, heaving cries that made you incoherent. That made your face splotchy and your cheeks itch and your sinuses throb. An ugly cry.

He didn’t ask for details. He didn’t press me. He just led me to bed, and pulled me down into his arms. I clung to him, to his solidness, to his kindness. He stroked my hair and held me. He murmured shushing sounds in my ear, and he wiped my tears, my snotty nose, with his sleeve.

Eventually my crying slowed down, my body relaxed under his touch, my breathing became even. And exhausted from emotion, my sobs wracking me, I fell asleep with my leg thrown over his and my head on his shoulder.