You Make Me (Blurred Lines #1)(40)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“Do you really want to be a mortgage broker?” he asked. “Are you feeling it, like seriously?”

I shrugged. “It’s practical, Heath. I need to have a real job.”

“Yeah. Everyone needs a job.”

Maybe I was expecting him to argue with me. Maybe I was starting to feel like I didn’t want to go back to the world I’d created. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

He turned on the coffeepot and came over to me. He bent his head closer to mine. “I think you’re scared. I think you know that you have to rely on yourself and that’s changed you. But you’re not alone in the world, Cat. I will always be here, no matter what, and I will help you in any way I can. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you free.”

I touched his chest, fingering his dogtags. “We were such heathens, weren’t we? Running around doing whatever the hell we wanted. I was never afraid then. I miss being a girl. Adulthood sucks.”

“It doesn’t have to suck. Drink your coffee and let’s go be heathens again.”

He was right. I had already sent my life into freefall, why shouldn’t I let loose, enjoy myself? Remember who I had been. “You’re right. How much snow is there? Can I make a snow angel?”

“It’s four inches already. It must have started snowing not long after we went to bed.”

So after we drank our coffee we layered up and went outside.

“Fucking fantastic,” he said, breathing in deeply. “First time I’ve seen snow in four years.” He jumped straight off the porch and tilted his head back, his face to the sky. “It feels like wet heaven.”

“Wet heaven?” I laughed. “That could so be misinterpreted if someone heard you say that.”

He shot me a grin. “Well, aren’t you the dirtiest of the dirty girls?” He took my hand and pulled me down next to him. “You got a wet heaven for me?”

“I’m not answering that.” I gave him a small kiss, licking the snowflake off his lip that had landed there.

He gave a low groan and started to wrap his arms around me, but I pulled away, laughing. “You said we’re going to be heathens.” I bent over and scooped up some snow, packing it tightly with my gloved hands. “Snowball fight.”

“You want to go a round with me? You’re crazy.”

“Probably.” I threw the snowball and it hit him on his upper chest, bursting so that some of it splayed across his chin. Backing up carefully, I reached down for more snow.

“You need to improve your aim.” He bent over as well, efficiently packing a snowball.

With a shriek I turned and ran. I knew he could throw harder and further than me. A snowball hit me on the ass. I wiped at it, rounding the corner of the house, laughing so hard I could barely breathe.

“See? That’s good aim.”

I turned and lobbed one off at him, but I completely missed. “Shit!”

He caught up to me and grabbed me. For a second, he just kissed me, and I relaxed. Then he swept my feet out from under me, and pulled me down onto the ground, right onto his chest.

“Hey!” I protested.

“I thought you wanted to make a snow angel. I’m just helping.”

“Uh huh.” I liked this mischievous side of him, how he pushed me to let go. We were lying on the ground, in the freshly fallen snow. “It is beautiful, isn’t it? A clean slate. Everything dull and dirty gets a whitewash.”

“I like the silence. You can’t hear anything. It’s like nature on mute and it’s kinda cool.”

“It is.” I rolled off of him and onto my back so we were side by side in the snow, staring up at the sky and the falling flakes. I blinked when damp hit my eyelashes, but I didn’t mind the sensation. I felt very alive, very sharp and alert.

His hand snaked over and took mine. Even though I couldn’t feel his skin beneath our gloves, I liked the firmness of his grip.

“Make your angel,” he said.

“You just want me to spread my legs.”

“Cat!” he protested, feigning shock. “Damn. I’m blushing.”

“Yeah, right.” I didn’t think there was anything that could make him blush. “You go first.”

“Fine. You think I won’t do it. But I have a sensitive, childlike side.” He gave me a silly sneer. Then he moved his arms and legs. “The tricky part is getting up without screwing it up.” First he sat up, then he stood and jumped out of his pattern. “It looks more beast than angel, but I tried.” He dusted off the back of his head and the seat of his jeans.

“I’m sure mine will be perfect,” I boasted.

“Of course it will. You’re an absolute angel.”

I dutifully winged my arms and legs.

“Here, I’ll help you up.” Heath held out his hands for me.

I took them and he lifted me to a standing position. He put his hands on my waist and said, “Jump.”

I did, and he helped me clear the bottom of my snow angel. We stepped back to admire our work. Mine was small and delicate, shallow. His was deep and wild and aggressive. “I think yours is more snow devil. You’re right.”

“What can I say? Angel is not a natural state for me.” He took my hand and we started walking through the snow towards the rocks. “It’s no wonder no one ever wanted me. They took one look at me and said, ‘next.’”

“That’s not true!” I leaned against his shoulder. I knew that under his bravado it had always hurt him deeply that he’d never been adopted, never found a permanent home. “You know the court system is messed up. How many times did they put you back with your mother as a baby? There were probably plenty of families who wanted to keep you.”

He looked over at me, his expression serious and intent. “Just you. You’re the only one who ever wanted to keep me.”

That broke my heart at the same time it made me love him more. I wanted to make it all better for him, I wanted to take his pain into me and absorb it, make it disappear. “I’m so glad you came back,” I whispered. “But just so you know, I always kept you.” I touched my chest. “You were always here.”

“Then I never really left, did I?” He played with the ends of my hair. “You know you’ll never be free of me, don’t you? I’ll love you forever.”

“I’m counting on it.” My breath came out in a sigh, the steam as I exhaled mingling with the little puff his own breathing made. There were no words to let him know that he was everything, that he was the man I’d loved since the first moment I’d laid eyes on him.