A Thousand Letters

"I forgive you," she said quietly after a moment. "Why didn’t you talk to me? Why didn’t you tell me?"

I took the seat next to her and leaned forward, resting my forearms on my thighs. "I didn’t know what to say, how to act. I couldn’t deal, Soph. Not with any of it. And to have Elliot here on top of everything was just too much."

"You’ve got to talk to her."

I clasped my hands between my knees and squeezed. "I want to. I do, but I … I’ve made so many mistakes. So many. Too many."

She laid her hands around mine, and I looked up to meet her eyes. "Wade, she loves you. You just have to find a way to tell her you love her too. Make it up to her. Get her back, beg her forgiveness. She’ll say yes — I know it. Maybe not at first, but she’s been waiting here for you to forgive her for seven years. Give that to her and tell her you were wrong and I don’t think there’s a chance she’ll say no."

After what I’d said to her, after what I’d done, it seemed like forgiveness was a pipe dream, a carrot on a string I’d almost had in my hands over and over again. I needed to think, needed time.

Time. Time. Time.

It was the one thing I’d never been afforded, no matter how I begged and pleaded. And now … now I knew I needed to make the most of it.

Sophie gripped my hands. "Just think about it."

I nodded, and when she shifted to embrace me I found myself overcome.

The doorbell rang, and she pulled away. "I’ll get it," she said, touching my shoulder before she walked away.

Elliot’s voice carried into the room from the entry, and I straightened up, my heart ticking faster with surprise and anticipation. With fear. But I pulled myself up and ventured out to face her.

"She told me to leave. I found her in the kitchen with—" She stopped when she saw me, and her face shut down, closed off. "With Jack. Mary and Jack are having an affair."

Sophie gasped, and a war of emotions washed over me. Relief that they weren’t together. Rage that he could hurt her. Sadness that I couldn’t have protected her. My chest ached at the realization that I couldn’t even protect her from myself.

"I can’t believe it," Sophie breathed. "For how long?"

"Years. I was apparently a pawn in his attempt to persuade her to leave Charlie."

"Oh, my God. Are you all right?"

Elliot nodded. "I never wanted him like that. He was only a friend." She didn’t look at me once, but I knew the words were meant for me.

"Poor Charlie. And the kids." Sophie shook her head, mouth gaping in shock. "What … what are you going to do?"

"I told her she has until tonight to tell Charlie the truth before I did."

Sophie blinked. "You’re kidding."

Elliot shook her head. "I’m going back over there tonight, but … I might need a place to stay for a little bit. I’m so sorry to even ask, but—"

"Don’t be ridiculous," Sophie said, taking her hand. "You can always stay here, as long as you need."

"Thank you." Relief was heavy in her voice. "I’m going to have to figure something out. I don’t know if I’ll ever be welcome there again."

"You’re always welcome here," I said, wanting some interaction with her, anything. But she stiffened, her lips and voice flat and formal.

"Thank you."

Sophie asked, "Want to sleep in my room?"

Elliot softened again when she looked back at Sophie. "That would be nice."

"Then it’s settled." Sophie’s phone rang, and she swore when she checked it. "It’s Jeannie. I’ve been avoiding her calls since yesterday. Give me one second, okay?"

Elliot smiled and began unwinding her scarf. "Okay."

Sophie answered and walked toward the back of the house, and Elliot and I stood in the entry in silence. She went about the business of taking her coat and hat off, hanging them on the pegs on the wall as I fumbled with what to say, how to start.

"Elliot, I—"

She turned at the sound of her name, her eyes deep and sad. "Please, don’t," she said softly. "It was hard enough to come here without us doing this again. I just had nowhere else to go."

I nodded my response. She didn’t want to talk to me, as I suspected, and I knew better than to force her. Because I could, and she might submit. But I didn’t want her to submit. I wanted to earn her love.

I would give her that precious time she needed, but I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t run away. Not this time.

Elliot

My heart hammered in my chest at the confrontation, but he didn’t press me, only nodded and turned for the stairs, making his way into his room. The second his door closed, I could breathe freely again.

I was standing in the last place I wanted to be and the only place I could think of to go. I needed Sophie, but Wade was where she was, and the unsuspected consequence of pushing him back was that it felt like I’d made everything worse, more complicated.

But I wasn’t sorry. And I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

I’d exhausted all hope that he’d tell me he wanted me, that he would say that he loved me, that he was sorry, that he wished he could erase the last seven years all the way up to yesterday and start over. The likely answer was that he wanted to argue more, blame me for everything, and that just wasn’t something I could take. Not today. Not ever.

Sophie appeared again. "God, I’m sorry. She needed to know we were all still breathing over here, but I just couldn’t deal with it yesterday."

"I’m sure she understood."

"She did, thankfully." She slipped her phone into her back pocket. "So, I think I know what we should do while you wait to detonate your sister’s marriage." I flinched, and Sophie took my hand, smiling. "I’m kidding. She handled all that C-4 well enough on her own."