Breathe

Nothing from Serenity until, Oh, all right. Whatever. I’ll stand down.

Swear on any possible future, no matter how slight, that Nathan Fillion could kiss you, the universe would take that opportunity away if you keep up with ANY of this. I pressed.

Yeesh, Inara, I said I’d stand down. Serenity evaded.

Swear. I demanded.

Nothing then, Fine. I swear on losing the opportunity to kiss Nathan Fillion that I’ll stand down.

I sighed with relief because that was so big it was huge but I typed. Thank you.

Is he there now? Benji asked.

Yes. I answered.

What’s he doing? Benji asked and I looked to the kitchen to see Chace was doing something at the counter.

Cooking dinner. I answered.

Sah-fraking-weet. Benji repled.

Pictures, sister, seriously. He’s yours, you’re tight, we want files. Serenity ordered.

I could do that.

So I replied. Okay but I have to go. I’m hungry and Chace might still be a little mad.

Go! Benji urged and finished on, Pictures!

Inara? Serenity on-line called.

Yes? I on-line answered.

Cool for you. I get you holding it close. But I’m really happy for you. Serenity typed.

Me too, darling. Benji added.

Thanks guys. I replied wishing one day I’d meet them at the same time knowing it was a high probability I wouldn’t which sucked because they were cool and really, when you got down to it, the best friends I ever had. So I finished with, Sorry I’ve not been around. I’ll keep in better touch.

Girl! Serenity shot back. Nathan was in my kitchen cooking dinner, I would NOT be on the computer talking to you.

This was true. She wouldn’t.

Friends fit in your life, Benji added. They don’t take away from you living it.

Seriously, really, I hoped one day I met these guys.

Love you guys. I told them

Right back at you. Serenity told me.

To the moon and back. Benji said.

I sighed.

Go to your guy. Serenity urged.

Okay, later guys. I agreed.

Later, Inara. Benji said.

Later, Faye. Serenity typed.

I closed the chat and went off-line without looking to see what went down when Chace impersonated me partly because I didn’t want to know and partly because it might make me mad and we’d had enough of that for one night. Then I made a mental note to reprogram my chat software so it didn’t log me in on startup.

Out of the corner of my eye, a glass of wine appeared with Chace’s fingers around the bowl. I watched him set it on my Wonder Woman coaster and then tipped my head back to look at him.

“Did they vow on Luke Skywalker’s light saber that they’d stand down?” he asked. I saw he was no longer pissed, there was a teasing light in his eyes but that didn’t mean he didn’t still look troubled.

“Something like that,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes and reaching for my wineglass.

I felt the tips of Chace’s fingers under my chin so I looked up at him again. The second I caught his eyes, he demanded softly, “Assure me they’re done.”

“They promised me they’re done,” I assured him just as softly.

“Okay,” he muttered, leaned in and touched his mouth to mine.

Then he straightened, turned and sauntered to the kitchen while I watched and sipped my wine.

He hit the kitchen and called, “Deal is, I bake the potatoes and broil the steaks. You twice bake the potatoes. Potatoes are baked, darlin’. You’re up.”

“Chace,” I called back.

He closed the fridge his head was in, came out with a beer and his eyes came to me. “Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll never speak to me and scare me like that again no matter how pissed you are at me.”

I saw his beer disappear as both of his hands went behind the high counter that cut the kitchen from the other space but his eyes didn’t leave me when he ordered, “Come here, Faye.”

“Promise me,” I pushed.

“Baby, come here,” he called gently.

My body started to move but my mind shut it down and I repeated, “Promise.”

He held my gaze and I let him.

Then he spoke.

“You f**ked up, Faye,” he told me, still talking gently but loud enough for me to hear across the apartment.

“I know,” I agreed.

“He raped her face. I’m not a woman, I can’t call it but I’m guessin’ that isn’t much better than violating other parts of her.”

I was a woman but I luckily didn’t know either. That said, my guess, it wasn’t.

“I didn’t know that,” I reminded him.

“You knew she was dead,” he returned.

I did know that.

I remained silent because he had a point. But I stayed where I was because I felt I did too.

We held each other’s eyes in silence and this lasted a long time before Chace ended it.

“Never hurt you.” His voice was soft but firm. A vow.

“You scared me,” I told him.

“No, honey, you scared me.”

“What?” I whispered but he heard it because he answered.

“Anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Chace –”

“You in my life, me livin’ in hell, feels like I’ve been touched by an angel.”

I stopped breathing.

Was he serious?

“Anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do,” he repeated.

He was serious.

I forced air in my lungs.

Chace kept talking.

“See them in my head, her footprints in the dirt on the trail. She was wearin’ heels. She stumbled. She fell. He drove her on. Her knee prints in the clearing where he violated her. They were yours, those were your last moments, no drama, no joke, I’d lose my mind.”

“It haunts you,” I said softly but he again heard me.

“Damn straight. I didn’t want her but that didn’t make her not mine.”

Oh God, Laurie was right.

I stood and reminded him, “You didn’t kill her, Chace.”

“I didn’t protect her either.”

Oh God. Laurie was so right.

“Has it occurred to you that you couldn’t even if you tried?” I asked.

“Yeah, Faye, but I also didn’t try,” he answered instantly.

Oh God.

I reminded him of something else. “She trapped you into marriage.”

“That make it okay she died that way?” he asked swiftly.

“Of course not,” I answered just as swiftly.