Chaos series by Kristen Ashley (Page 48)

I wrapped my fingers around his thigh and said quietly, “That doesn’t sound like a fun upbringing.”

“It wasn’t,” Hop confirmed. “Dad’s a good guy but eventually boys grow up and look at their old man and they can do one of two things. Have somethin’ they wanna emulate or get scared shitless that they’ll grow up just like him. Jim, Ted, and me, we got the last. Jim, like me, f**ked up and moved on. Teddy’s so busy movin’ on, he hasn’t settled so he f**ks up constantly. Not a great legacy for either of my folks to give their boys. Honest to Christ, babe, if they weren’t such good grandparents, I’d be done with the whole f**kin’ thing. But they love Molly and Cody. My kids and Jimmy’s kids do not get any of the shit we were treated to, and I want my kids to have that. So even though they bite at each other and that reminds me of unhappy times, I put up with it because the kids have to have one set of grandparents who love them unconditionally, and not with the haze of hatin’ their mom and dad hangin’ over every damned thing.”

“That makes me sad not only for you but for Molly and Cody,” I admitted, and after the words left my mouth, his hand curled around the back of my neck and he leaned in so he was all I could see.

“That’s why you make buttermilk pancakes and, when the opportunity for a weekend in the mountains comes up, you jump on it. Why, when a beautiful woman offers to make dinner, you take her up on it immediately ’cause you wanna be with that woman but you also want your kids to be around beauty and the goodness of a home-cooked meal. Why, when the last thing you wanna do is play f**kin’ Pictionary, you do it ’cause you don’t remember one single good time in your life that involved both of your parents that didn’t end in ugly words or an out-and-out fight. Why, they laugh and you hear it’s carefree, you feed on that shit because you know they know you hate their mother but they still got it in them to laugh real, deep, from their f**kin’ gut. So even though that shit is all shit and they know it as much as you do, it didn’t seep into their blood like you were scared as f**k it would and you rejoice in that.”

When Hop was done talking, I was staring at him and I wasn’t breathing.

All I could do was take him in and let each of his words, the depth of love he had for his kids, settle straight into my soul.

I must have done this for a while because I felt his fingers tense at my neck and he called, “Lanie?”

I pulled in a breath and then told him straight. “You’re a good man, Hopper Kincaid.”

His expression changed again, surprise sifting through then warmth settling in.

“That beats out you telling me I’m distracting for the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he replied.

I closed my eyes.

“Babe,” he called.

I opened my eyes and his hand sifted up into my hair.

“I liked you asked. I liked you were curious. I liked gettin’ to share. I want you to know my history but what I want you to take from what I told you is, I didn’t learn my lesson from my dad goin’ through that. I learned it by goin’ through it. But I learned it, Lanie. That monster in you I gotta beat, that isn’t me pickin’ through hard ice hopin’ to find a warm core. Women twist shit in their heads, even innocent shit you say. Don’t twist any of that. You know a lot of the reasons I’m sittin’ here with you right now. I’ll tell you another one and that is, you’ve been around. I’ve watched you. I know you. And I know you’re the kind of woman who can sit in a bar, eat shit food, drink beer, laugh and enjoy herself without any games or bullshit. A good night. An easy night.” He grinned. “It took a while for me to get to it but now that I got it, it’s what I expected. Somethin’ I knew I’d like a f**kuva lot.” His hand slid back to my neck before he whispered, “And I do.”

I had no idea what to say to that so I just said a breathy, “Okay.”

His repeated, “Okay,” was not breathy but I got breathier, and this was because his hand at my neck was putting pressure on, his eyes dropped to my mouth and I knew he was going to kiss me.

I wasn’t wrong.

In a rough but cool bar, with the delicious mix of beer and Hop on his tongue, Hopper Kincaid kissed me like he always kissed me, thoroughly and beautifully.

I kissed him back like I always kissed him, happily and dazedly.

He pulled back but even as he did, his hand slid from my neck to my jaw and his thumb swept out and he did what he sometimes did after we had sex (or before or, it could happen, during). His thumb moved over my lips, putting pressure on, dragging my lower lip with it as he watched my mouth intently.

There was something about this crude but intimate gesture I didn’t quite get but I liked. It was claiming. It was like he was taking me in, through touch and sight.

No, not taking me in, branding me. My lips were his. No one else’s. Hopper Kincaid’s. And doing that, beyond my lips, everything that was me, staking his claim at a place so intimate as my mouth, was his too.

Me.

All of me.

His.

I felt that warmth settle around my heart at the same time I felt a tickle up my spine and the tip of my tongue slid out slightly, tasting the salt of his thumb.

His eyes watched my tongue before they cut to mine. His thumb swept away and the pads of his fingers dug in as he yanked me to him, this time forcefully. His mouth slamming on mine, again Hop kissed me like he often kissed me, thoroughly, beautifully but also deep, wet, rough and long.

And I kissed him back like I always kissed him. Happily and dazedly but, this time, more of both.

The kiss only ended when we heard the sounds of a live (loud) rock band suddenly crashing our way. At the sound of cheers from the crowd, Hop’s lips left mine and we both turned to the stage.

Five men, all Hop and my age, all around (but not quite) Hop’s gorgeousness (except the drummer who was, alas, not all that good-looking but his manic smile and his clear talent with a backbeat made up for it in a huge way), were on the stage rocking right the heck out.

Within the first few notes, the crowd went wild, especially the women—whose ages ranged from too young to be in a bar to women who either had ten decades on me or needed more moisturizer—that were dancing up front.

During the first two songs I realized I’d been so into Hop I hadn’t noticed that this wasn’t a live-band-at-the-local-biker-bar crowd, but that the vastness of bodies taking up the soon heaving space in front of the stage meant this band was a big draw.