Death’s Excellent Vacation (Sookie Stackhouse #9.5)(47)
Author: Charlaine Harris

Chapter Twenty-nine

Four

"PARIS at last!" I said as I got to my feet. Portalling is never easy on the bones, although most portal companies have wised up and put a stack of padding at the recipient portal, so at least you don’t actually break anything when you arrive. "Ow. Think I pulled my spleen or something. Still, Paris at last! Hold on, Cecile, daddy is on his way!" The chick at the portal company’s desk barely even looked up from her magazine as I gave her a cheery grin before I headed out the door. I stopped on the doorstep, breathing deeply of the diesel- laden, slightly smoggy, damp, and mildew-smelling air of Paris that I knew and loved. "Paris at last, " I repeated happily, then took one step down to the street, and was promptly grabbed by a couple of strong- armed thugs and tossed into the back of an unmarked black van. "Fires of Abaddon!" I shouted into someone’s armpit. I didn’t see whose until I was rudely shoved backward with a word that the speaker should have been ashamed of. "What the . . . Hey! Don’t I know you?" "Get off me!" The woman who was on the floor of the van kicked out at me as she got to her feet and took a seat on the bench that ran along one side of the van. "Effrijim! I thought I detected the stench of a demon. " "Ow! No kicking the codpiece! Until I get put back into my normal form, this package is all I have. Anyen? What in the name of Bael’s ten toes are you doing here? I thought you ghedes only hung out in the Caribbean. What are you doing in Paris?" "What do you think I am doing?" Anyen answered. She was tall and thin, her skin as black as midnight, dressed in a long black coat and wearing black glasses, and possessing a very cool Haitian accent. "I’m here to collect revenants, of course. We’re building an undead army, and it’s impossible to do that in Haiti anymore. Ever since that damned Internet became popular, everyone knows how to protect themselves from us. It’s almost more than a decent, hardworking soul-stealer can bear, let me tell you!" She sniffled just like she was going to cry, but everyone knew ghedes couldn’t cry. It had something to do with their origins. "Yeah, well, life’s tough all over. Take mine, for instance, " I said, pulling myself up to the opposite bench. The van we were in had a solid wall between the cargo and driver’s area, but judging by the motion, I gathered we were en route to somewhere. "One minute I’m on vacation, about to see the love of my life, and the next–whammo. It all goes to Abaddon. Who nabbed us, do you know?" She spat out a word that I figured wasn’t very nice. "That new Venediger. I heard that she was cleaning up Paris, kidnapping innocent beings just because we have dark origins. She has squads of her minions watching the portal shops, abducting anyone she doesn’t deem fit to be in the mortal world. It is outrageous, a violation of my rights, and I shall most definitely be complaining to the Akashic League about it! Only they have the right to hold a ghede, and they would not be so foolish to do so. " "Oh, the Venediger, " I said, relaxing. "Jovana. No sweat, then. We’re old buds, we are. My demon lord helped put her in power. I’m sure once she knows it’s me her goon squad picked up, she’ll have me released. " Anyen made a face like she didn’t believe me at all, and said nothing more till we arrived at a hoppin’ nightclub named Goety and Theurgy. "Ah, G&T, " I said as the two guys who nabbed me hauled me inside the club. Two others emerged to bring Anyen. "Brings back old memories. Hey, there’s a buffet here now? Can we swing by it? I’m starving. " The bully boys didn’t stop. They just hauled me past the buffet, past the dance floor, and down a dimly lit flight of stairs to an equally dimly lit basement. "Guys? The V is an old buddy of mine. You might want to tell her that it’s me you have, so she doesn’t get too pissed with you when she finds out you’re doing this. " Neither man said anything. "Name’s Jim. Well, Effrijim, really, but that’s kinda girly, so I just go with Jim. Jovana knows me. " They still didn’t say anything. They hauled me across the basement and, without one single word, dumped me into a small room, tossed Anyen in after me, and slammed the door shut. "I will have your heads for this!" she bellowed as they locked the door. She pounded on it, making all sorts of threats, but eventually she stopped and glared at me. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, kicking aside a cardboard box and plopping down on a dirty-looking cot that sat in the corner. "I didn’t lock us in here. " "The Venediger is your friend. You said she was. " "Maybe they’re going up to tell her who I am, " I said, rubbing my sore toes. Box-kicking while you’re barefoot isn’t the best of ideas. "Maybe they’ll be back all groveling and with plates of buffet food in an attempt to curry favor with me. Oooh, curry. Devils and demons, am I hungry. " "That doesn’t help me any, " she said in a rather surly tone. "It is your duty to get me out of here. " "Sorry, sister, not again. I just went through one big escape scene–I’m not going to do another. Not for a really long time. I don’t think I could stand to sing about my lady lumps one more time. " Anyen turned her back on me, but only after she lit me up one side and down another. It’s a good thing I’m immortal, or those curses she’d been flinging at me might have done some damage. "I’m going to die of hunger. I’m going to starve to death. When Aisling finally tracks me down, she’s going to find nothing but a skeleton left, " I complained a good eighteen hours later. "You think this mattress is edible?" Anyen, who had kicked me off the mattress and claimed it for her own, rolled over just long enough to glare at me. I was about to point out that I would share it with her when the noise of a key in the lock had me leaping to my feet. "Yay, Jovana finally heard I was here, and she’s going to let me out! That or they’re going to bring us some food. Either works for me. " "The Venediger wishes to see you, " one of the bully boys said as he opened the door. I blinked in the relatively bright light. "Yeah, I figured she’d want to make her apologies to me in person, " I said, sauntering nonchalantly out of the room. "Can we stop by the buffet first? I’m about to faint with hunger. " "Effrijim!" Anyen belted out my name so it had the force to send me reeling a few steps. "I will not be left here! You must take me with you!" I thought for a moment about telling her to suck it up–I am a demon, after all–but I was feeling generous, so I nodded toward her and asked the nearest guard, "Anyen wants to come with. You don’t mind, do you?" The guard shrugged. "She may come as well, although the Venediger will not be ready for her until tomorrow. " "Told ya the V was my good friend, " I said to Anyen as she shoved me out of the way, jerking her arm out of the guard’s hand. She stalked in front of me, tossing her head once and saying merely, "We shall see. " We weren’t led into the bar proper–which was closed, since it was now early morning–but into one of the back rooms. It was some sort of a conference room, with a long table that had been draped with a black cloth, and three people who stood talking quietly in a small clutch. "Hey, nice to see ya again, " I said, waving at the woman to whom the other two looked the second I stepped in the door. She was small and well dressed and had a pageboy haircut that always made Aisling giggle. "I see you’re still going in for those power suits, huh?" Jovana, once a mage and now the person in charge of the Otherworld in Europe, aka the Venediger, stared at me as if I had an extra testicle. "Oh, man, you don’t recognize me, do you? Yeah, the human form is a bit awkward, huh? But it’s really me, Jim. Aisling’s demon. You probably remember me in Newfie form. Big black dog, luxurious coat, package that would do a pony proud. Remember now?" "Take the sacrifice to the table, " she said, waving toward me before turning her back on me to fuss over something behind her. "Oooh, breffies?" I said, hurrying forward.