Death’s Excellent Vacation (Sookie Stackhouse #9.5)(48)
Author: Charlaine Harris

"I’m starved . . . Hey! Sacrifice?" The two burly dudes grabbed me by either arm and jerked me up onto the table. When Jovana turned back toward me, she held a wavy-bladed silver dagger in her hand. I had a really awful feeling I knew just what she was planning on doing with it. "Fires of Abaddon! You’re nuts, lady!" "Silence!" she commanded, and gestured toward one of the flunkies standing against the wall. A man came forward, pulled out a scroll, and read. "Demon of unknown origins found arriving via portal in the Latin Quarter on Tuesday afternoon. " "Jim, " I said quickly, eyeing that nasty dagger. "My name is Jim!" "You are charged with violation of the Roaming Demon Ordinance of 2008. " "What?" I squawked, trying to squirm out of the two thugs’ grip. "What Roaming Demon Ordinance?" "In accordance with the laws sanctified by the Venediger, your mortal form will be destroyed, and your being sent back to Abaddon where you belong. " "You can’t do that!" I yelled, watching as the Venediger nodded and a Guardian came forward, pulling out a gold stick and beginning to scribe a circle around me. "Aisling is going to be really pissed!" The Guardian paused, looking up. I’d never seen her before, but evidently she’d heard of Ash. "Aisling? Aisling Grey?" she asked. "Yeah, that’s her. Aisling is my boss. " I craned my neck to glare up at Jovana. "The same person who gave you your job!" Jovana narrowed her eyes on me for a few seconds.

"It is true that Aisling Grey has a demon under her control. But I have heard that the demon’s preferred form is that of a dog. " "Man alive, doesn’t anyone listen to me?" I complained, trying to pull my arm free. Jovana nodded to the guard, who let go of me. I yanked my hand free from the other one and sat up, rubbing my wrists. "I just got done telling you that I’m normally in dog form, but another Guardian ordered me into human form because she knew it would tick me off. " Six pairs of eyes considered me as I slid off the table to my feet. I straightened my codpiece, dusted off my leather thong, and raised an eyebrow while I waited for the apologies to flow. The Guardian rose from where she’d been kneeling. "If this demon speaks the truth–" "I may be a lot of things, but I’ve never been a liar, " I said grumpily. "If it speaks the truth, then I want no part of this, " she continued, putting away her gold stick. "Aisling Grey is one of the most powerful Guardians in the Guardians’ Guild. She is a savant, especially gifted, and someone I do not wish to cross. " "Anyen will tell you who I am, " I said, waving at the ghede. She glared back at me. "Hey, I helped you, now it’s time for you to repay me, " I told her. "Oh, very well. The demon does not lie. It is Effrijim. I have known it for several centuries, " she said, albeit kinda grudgingly. "There, see? All’s well, " I said, heading for the door. "I’ll tell Ash you send her love, ‘K? See ya round. " "Halt!" the Venediger said, and instantly the two guards were in front of the door, their eyes narrow little slits as they frowned at me. "I do not accept this foul thing’s statement. " "Foul thing!" Anyen said, starting forward. I grabbed her before she could jump the Venediger. "I am not a–" "Hackles down, " I said softly. "Now isn’t the time unless you want to get us both tossed back into that cell in the basement. " "That is exactly where you are going, " the Venediger said, putting down the dagger. She looked at it regretfully for a moment before pinning me back with a glare that stripped the hair from my toes. "You will remain there until I can speak with the Guardian Aisling Grey to verify your identity. " "No way!" I protested. "I’ve got . . . Let me count . . . Man, I’ve only got one day left of my vacation. I’m not going to spend it sitting in that room with a pissed-off ghede!" "Nor will I go back to that squalid little room!" Anyen declared. "Fine. " Jovana shrugged. "Then we will perform your release ceremony now. There will be no Guardian to object to you being sent back to Abaddon, I trust. " Anyen’s eyes opened up really wide when the Venediger picked up the dagger again. "You know what?" I asked Anyen, taking a deep breath and thinking about Cecile’s warm, furry little ears. "What?" she asked. "We’re immortal. " She blinked at me for a second, but that’s all I gave her. I grabbed her arm, lowered my head, and charged the Venediger. She sprang to the side, out of the way, just as I figured she would. Anyen and I kept going through, right past the Venediger, the two others staring at us in surprise, and on through the window that opened onto a small garden. Anyen was fast on her feet, luckily, and although my chest and arms and legs were cut by the glass as I went through the window, we both landed on our feet and took off running. The Venediger’s guards, however, were mortal, and they were less than thrilled about leaping into a mass of broken glass. They were slower getting through the window, and by the time they got to the garden, we were racing down the back alley to freedom. We split up not long after, Anyen making a snarky remark about me slowing her down. "You’re welcome, " I yelled after her as she disappeared into the Tuilleries. "Hope you don’t get a really nasty case of zombie rot while you’re raising the dead!" It took me a couple more hours before I finally lost the guard who persisted in following me, so it wasn’t until afternoon that I staggered exhausted, bleeding, and dirty from a fall into the Seine through the door of a familiar shop. "Cecile! Baby! I’m here!" The woman behind the counter at the shop stared at me in stark surprise. "Jim? Is that you?" "Hiya, Amelie. Yeah, it’s me. Where’s Cecile?" "She . . . She . . . " Amelie seemed to be struck speechless, because she simply pointed upstairs. "Thanks.

Mind if I use your shower? I had a run-in with the Venediger, and I’m all ooky with blood and stuff. See you later, " I called as I dashed through the back room, then up the stairs that led to the apartment in which Amelie and Cecile lived. Cecile was also a bit taken aback by my appearance, her eyes going even more bug-eyed than they normally were when I scooped her up in my arms and kissed her all over her adorable pointy little snout. "My darling, my adorable one! We might only have one day left together, but I will make it a day you won’t forget. I promise I’ll get back to my normal form as soon as possible, " I told her when she tried to squirm out of my hold, her little stubby legs kicking wildly. "This one sucks big-time, huh? Don’t worry, my beloved. I’ll soon be your big, handsome Jim again. But first, a shower. " The sound of voices drifted in to me when I stepped out of the shower, drying myself on one of Amelie’s soft towels. I looked at the codpiece and thong, but decided I just couldn’t wear them any longer. By the time I headed out of Amelie’s bedroom, I realized that I knew the voices. "–came back early because Drake insisted on seeing the doctor. It turned out to be nothing, of course, just a case of the sniffles. " "Any illness in infants can be serious, " Drake’s voice rumbled in response. "I was not easy in my mind until the children had been seen by a proper doctor. " "Anyway, we decided it wasn’t worth hauling the babies back to the yacht, so we figured we’d just swing by and pick up Jim and head back to London. Is it here?" "Aw, man!" I said, marching in to the room. "You’re early? Fine! Just ruin my plans!" The silence that greeted my arrival in Amelie’s sunny living room was thick enough to cut with a butter knife. "Er . . . " Amelie said, her expression kind of shocked. "Jim! What on earth are you doing in that form!" Aisling demand, her hands on her hips. "And naked!" Drake narrowed his green eyes at me and muttered something about knowing better than to leave me on my own. "It’s not my fault, " I told them both. "You can ask that no- good, conniving Guardian why I’m like this. " "I certainly will, " Aisling said, staring. Drake slapped his hand over her eyes and glared at me. "Put some clothing on, or I’ll see to it you have nothing left with which to shock Aisling. " She giggled. "I don’t want to wear clothing! I want my old form back. Let me change back, Ash. Please. " "All right, you can change into your normal form, " she said, giggling again. "But I want to hear everything that happened. Only not right now–we had a message from Nora when we got to Drake’s house. " I sighed with relief as I shifted back to my fabulous Newfoundland form, making a quick check to be sure everything was the way I had left it. "Boy, did I miss you, tail. And package. And four paws. And–" "Enough, " Drake said, bowing to Amelie. "You will excuse us if we leave in haste. Aisling is anxious to get back to London. " "Yes, I am. Come on, Jim! There’s work to be done, " Aisling said in her chipper voice as she took Drake’s hand. "Nora said there’s been a huge outbreak of kobolds and imps and all sorts of nasties in the last few days, and she’s overwhelmed and needs our help in cleaning everything up. It’ll be like old times tackling them together, huh?" "Oh, man, " I said, covering my face with my paws. "Can’t I just sleep here for a couple of days? Cecile and I–" "Don’t be silly, " she said, cuffing me on the shoulder. "You’ve had ten days together; that’s long enough. Besides, there’s nothing like a bit of action after a nice, long, relaxing vacation to get your blood pumping again, now is there?"