Dirty Secret (The Burke Brothers #1)(60)
Author: Emma Hart

Her voice trails off, getting smaller until I can barely hear her over the sound of the restaurant. I reach forward and slide my fingers through hers. I brush my thumb across the inside of her wrist, and her fingers squeeze around mine.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t be enough for you anymore,” she whispers, looking at our hands. “You had this whole other world opening up to you. There would be concerts and recording sessions. Video shoots and events. None of those I would have been able to do heavily pregnant or with a young baby. I was afraid that you’d find someone else who was thin and beautiful. That you would want Mila but you wouldn’t want me anymore. I was too selfish to deal with that.”

Her words cut through me, and I take a deep breath. Shit, they sting, they burn. They fucking shatter my heart.

“It was easier to run. Easier to hide. It was easier to push you aside than open myself to the possibility of you doing the same thing to me.”

I exhale, but it’s shuddery, and I’m shaking, because fuck. What the hell would make her think that? That I wouldn’t want her?

“Come on.” I take my hand from hers and stand. I throw some bills on the table and motion for her to follow me. She does, quietly, and when we reach the doors, I pull her into my side.

I put her in the truck and walk around to my door. I get in and I drive. I drive without saying a word to her, because there are so many things in my head right now I wouldn’t make any sense.

I’m angry. I’m angry because the primary reason she left was for a selfish reason. For herself. Not for me or for our daughter. For her. Her.

I’m hurt because she didn’t trust that I’d stay true to her. I’m so damn hurt she thought that, even for a second, someone could matter more to me than her. No one other than Mila ever could have. No one ever will mean more to me, because I’m so stuck on Sofie Callahan that I’m fucked for the rest of my life.

I’m also guilty. Something made her feel that way—something fed her fears. Something I never took the time to notice.

Maybe I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I wasn’t paying attention to how such a huge change would impact her. After all, we were a team. She was my other half, the person I reached for when it got tough.

When it felt like the dream wouldn’t happen, she was there, telling me to shut up because we were fucking brilliant, and we had thousands upon thousands of followers on YouTube to attest to that. When the songs wouldn’t go right and my brothers fought, she was there, fixing little things in the lyrics and telling us to push through it.

I get out of the truck and storm back to her house. The media are still following us back, and Sofie jumps out of the truck barefoot just as one pulls up. She runs across the lawn and shoves her key in the door.

She twists violently, her hands shaking, and all but falls into the house. She rips the key out and throws it on the hall table, dumping her shoes and purse with it.

I kick the door shut and look at her as she runs her fingers through her hair.

“How could you think that, Sof? That I wouldn’t want you?”

“Easy,” she replies, her back to me. “I was afraid, and fear distorts your perception of reality. Deep down I knew you wanted me, but the fear on the surface was stronger than that. It was more compelling, more believable, so I believed it. I let it control my actions and I let it crush us.”

“And now? What do you think now?”

“I think you’ll go back on tour, then to LA, and eventually you’ll find someone that can do everything you need them to. Someone you’ll want more than you ever wanted me, because motherhood and rock stars don’t go together.”

I stalk across the hall and force her to turn. She drops her arms, her eyes sad, threatening tears, and I cup her face.

“I will never want anyone more than I want you. No one will ever come close to you. Whatever it was you did that made me fall in love with you years ago has ruined me. Completely fucking ruined me.”

She wraps her hands around my arms, holding me to her.

“I don’t care how many girls throw themselves at me. They don’t matter to me at all. They’re not you,” I breathe, thickness coating my words, because dammit, she’s gotta believe me.

She can’t doubt me. Not now. Not anymore. Not after everything.

She can’t doubt that’s she’s anything less than absolutely everything to me.

“I tried not to want you and look how that ended up. Somehow, through all the shit of the last couple of weeks, I’m more in love with you now than I ever was before. And that isn’t gonna change, princess. I’m not going to wake up one morning and decide you’re not the person I want to see wearing my T-shirt in the kitchen, making me toast. I’m not going to go to sleep and decide you’re not the one I want to hold all night long.” I press my lips to hers and taste her tears. “It’s you, Sof. You know that. It’s always been you and it always will be.”

She slides her hands up and around my neck, reaching on tiptoes to kiss me hard. Tears still stream down her cheeks, smudging her mascara underneath her eyes, tainting her perfect lips with their salty taste.

“You wanna know fear? I’m afraid. Every day I’m afraid I’m gonna wake up and find you’re not there. I’m afraid I won’t get to hear your voice or see your face or kiss your lips. I’m afraid you’ll take Mila, and I’ll be torn into pieces again.”

Sofie takes a shuddery breath at my words.

“I’m so damn afraid that one day you really won’t be mine anymore. That’s my biggest fear of all.”

“That won’t happen,” she whispers. “Wherever you go, I’ll always be here. I promise. I’m not leaving again. I can’t.”

“Why? Because it’s not fair to Mila? To me? To you? Why?”

She pushes me off of her and walks into the front room. “To all of us, but mostly me. I’m selfish and I know it.” She turns back and throws her arms in my direction. “But one day you might not be mine either and that terrifies me. So much so I have to stay, just so I can make sure that every time you come home you’re still mine.”

“Or you could save yourself the pain of wondering and just come with me.”

What?

“That’s insane.” My words come out shaky. “I can’t come with you. I have Mila. You travel on a bus!”

“So we’ll buy another bus.” Conner walks toward me and pulls me with him as he sits back on the sofa. He slides his hands down my back to my knees, bending them, sitting me on top of him. “The guys can have the other one, and me, you, and Mila’ll take the new one.”