Fused in Fire (Page 13)
“But…I can’t.”
He entwined his fingers and pushed his chair back so he could cross an ankle over his knee. “I know this frightens you. I also know that if I had a group of mages summon a level-five demon so I could bond with it, you would convince yourself my going with you would be blood on your hands.” My eye twitched with the ease of him getting that saying correct. “You would wish to protect me. You’d be long gone by the time I bonded with the creature, and sick with jealousy if—when you got back.”
I narrowed my eyes at the jealousy comment. I continued to ignore the distinctly feminine parts of me begging for his everlasting kiss, and now the emotional parts that wanted to knife a bitch if she/he/it touched my man.
“Look.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I know you think this is a perfect solution. That you’d gladly go with me in spite of the danger. I know that. But I just can’t give myself to you in that way, Darius. While I would gratefully accept your help, I can’t in good conscience do it. I’m sorry.”
He held up a hand to stop me. I didn’t like his calm assurance, like he’d already mapped out this game of chess, and he was waiting for me to make the necessary moves to assure his win.
“Can I present to you my thoughts?” he asked eloquently.
I clenched my jaw. Oh yeah, he had the game mapped, all right.
He ignored my shaking head. “Without me, you will go alone into an extremely dangerous situation that you aren’t prepared for.”
“I’ve been alone for a great many dangerous situations,” I shot back lamely. We both knew this was vastly different. I wondered if he knew how afraid I was. I hadn’t even totally admitted it to myself, besides the fear that my ice magic would take over and eat away my humanity.
His voice softened, as if he did know. As if he could read me better than I could read myself. Which was annoying just now. “I realize that you would rather work alone. But we have learned to work together well, have we not? It was a boon to us in Seattle. I have learned when to back off, like with your decision to go into the Dark Kingdom, and when to push, which I won’t give you an example of or I will have to develop another tactic.”
I quirked my eyebrow at him and earned a gorgeous smile. My expression turned into a glower. Now wasn’t the time to flash his handsome at me. Or his charm. When it came to bonding, he was the enemy.
“Your next concern is that the connection will trap you to vampires,” he went on. “But you are already trapped. You can’t know about the unicorns and expect to go on your merry way. You will be watched for the rest of your life. It is not in my power to release you of that. I know what you’ll say.” He held up his hand to forestall the argument. “That connection isn’t personal. It’s business. It’s not a bond, but a liability.” I nodded, because yes, that was true. Very, very true. “Which is correct,” he went on. “However, you and I have already established a deep personal connection.”
I tightened my lips, because I was damned if I would admit that.
His teasing smile earned another glower. “Will you not agree?” He paused, saw I would not, and continued. “Love, Reagan.”
My stomach fluttered and my chest tightened. Warmth overflowed from my heart and burned down to my feet. I could scarcely breathe around the depth of what I felt, triggered by that one word and the emotion soaking through his gaze. By his desire to risk death to follow me into the Dark Kingdom, not wanting to leave my side in my greatest hour of need.
“What I had hoped for has come to pass,” he said softly. “For the first time in all of history, I am in love, Reagan. With you.”
Chapter Nine
Sparklers went off in my stomach, and the pull of emotion sucked me under, drowning me. I wiped my forehead of moisture and took a gulp of wine, not sure what to think, not wanting to admit how deeply this was affecting me, let alone the fact that I was undeniably in the same boat.
“You feel it, too,” he murmured, “but you do not need to admit it. I mention it merely to prove a point. Right now we wish to be near each other at all times, and when we aren’t, we long for our missing halves. We are not whole without each other. If we bond, only our physical selves will be separated when we part. Our hearts and souls will forever be one.”
Warmth filled me to the brim, surging through my heart.
“There is no downside to bonding,” he said.
There were downsides. I knew there were. I just couldn’t think of them right then.
He watched me patiently and finally I came up with a new argument. “But if you die, I’ll go crazy, right? Isn’t that what happens?”
It wasn’t a great argument, I grant you.
“You’ll feel pain, but you would anyway if I were to die. Nothing will change that for you. Nor for me if something were to happen to you. We are currently bonded with love, a more powerful connection than a mere blood bond. For you and me, bonding will make what we already have much sweeter.”
A tear overflowed from my eye. I blinked the others away.
“I told myself I absolutely would not do this,” I reminded myself. The last holdout before letting this surging emotion consume me. “I would not.”
“And if it weren’t to help you in the most dangerous endeavor of your life, I would not push as I am now. This past month I have been content to keep things as they were. As you wanted them. Love is extremely powerful. I had no idea. It is unlike anything I have ever felt. I would bend the worlds to make you happy, mon ange, and my not mentioning my desire to take our connection one step farther was a small price to pay for your smiles.
“But things have changed. You cannot go into the Dark Kingdom alone, Reagan. You will be putting yourself into the hands of those who wish to use you. And if by some miracle you happen upon a sect of demons that only wishes to turn you over to Lucifer, you will still be trapped down there for as long as your father chooses. You need help, and though I will not be nearly enough, I am the only one in a position to provide it.”
I cleared my throat and wiped away another tear. The man was smooth, sexy, and deep. I’d never stood a chance where it concerned him. I doubted there was anyone who could resist him. “I can’t believe I am actually asking this, but what is involved in bonding?”
“It takes six days. Five days of feeding from each other, and the last for the connection to finish taking root.”
Damn the tears! Why wouldn’t they stop? And why did I have a sudden, devastating need for my mother to know this man, followed by the soul-crushing realization that she never would…
“That’s it?” I asked weakly. “Feeding from each other?”
His eyes stayed rooted to mine. It was the most intimate moment I’d ever experienced. “Each night, I will deplete you nearly to your threshold, past your tolerance.”
I struggled to get myself under control. “What do you mean, my tolerance?”
“When a vampire takes enough blood to deplete a person to the brink of death, what we call the threshold, the person will do one of two things. They will either succumb and die, or—if their survival instinct is at all reasonable—they will try to fight off the predator. This is why vampires have heightened strength. If our prey fights, we can easily overpower them. You, however, are not prey. And you are extremely dangerous, even to me. When your survival instinct kicks in, you will want to kill me. And you will most likely be able to.”
“And yet you still want to bond me,” I whispered.
“With great risk comes great reward.” He threw me that mouthwatering smile. Foul play. “You have nearly killed me before, most recently in the warehouse the other day, and yet you always pull back at the last moment. Your compassion will overcome your rage.”
“You’ve admitting to taking too much of my blood a couple of times,” I said. “But I didn’t flip out. Or even notice.”
“Even at those times, and there were three, I was nowhere near your threshold. And no, before you ask, I don’t know what your threshold is. I don’t know when the pleasure will cease and the fear turned aggression will start. We’ll find that out together.”
I traced the base of my wine glass, breaking eye contact. “After I am nearly drained dry, and obviously weak, then what?”
“You feed from me to revive yourself. After that, we make love or sleep, depending on how we feel, and wake up to do it all over again.”
“That’s it? Swap blood, sex, sleep, and lie in bed? Do people bring cards or something? Surely that has to get boring after a while.”
He gave me a small smile, but didn’t comment.
I shook my head and had a sudden urge to shove my plate away. Maybe even surge to my feet, knocking over my chair. Turn over the table. Kick down the door. Stain the cream rug.
“I can’t.” I was back to that again. That was all I had. My very last holdout, other than hiding in a closet under a blanket while rocking back and forth. “I can’t. My mother would be so disappointed in me.”
“I imagine she would rather you bond me and have someone to protect you in the underworld than for you to go down there alone.”