Heaven and Hell (Page 75)

I pressed my lips together and only when I knew I could reply without it coming out on a sob, did I whisper, “I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”

“Kia –” Dad whispered back.

“Even then, Dad,” I interrupted him to say. “I just forgot for seven years.”

Dad closed his eyes, opened them, gave me a small smile, his eyes moved to Sam and his smile died, “None of my business, son, and you never have to tell me but I’ll tell you, whatever it was that made you feel powerless, I’m sorry you felt it. You gotta know what that means seein’ as you know I understand it better’n anyone.”

“Appreciate that, Ford,” Sam murmured, Dad nodded at Sam then he let it go and went out the door, closing it behind him.

I watched through the windows until he was gone then I saw through the windows to the outside that Mom was getting up and heading across the deck to the backdoor.

She was done waiting to find out what was going on.

Poor Dad.

“Kia,” Sam called and I looked at him.

“Thank you,” I whispered, his eyes shifted to warm, he started to move to me but I took a step back, lifting my hand.

His brows snapped together, he stopped, his eyes went to my hand then back to my face.

“Please, let me say this,” I said softly, he held my gaze, jerked up his chin and I continued. “Thank you for assuring my Dad I didn’t blame him. Thank you for understanding, not blaming him and sharing why with him. Thank you for taking care of me from practically the moment you met me and thank you for going all out to protect me. I haven’t felt safe in a long time, Sam, a very long time. I didn’t notice it missing but I noticed the instant I got it back and that was when I woke up in your arms in Luci’s villa.”

At that, his entire face warmed, his eyes got intense and he started toward me but I shook my head and took another step back.

He stopped and his head tipped to the side.

“I need to know you understand how much I mean all that I just said,” I told him.

“I understand, baby,” he replied gently.

I nodded.

Then I pulled breath into my nose, sucking in courage, definitely unsure and more than a little scared and went on, “I’m glad, honey, but now I have to be honest with you and tell you I wanted to go to my Dad during that. Several times. I know you felt it but you wouldn’t let me. That was hard on him and it was hard on me and a lot of what was hard on me was having to stand separate from him and watch him go through it without me close.”

Sam held my eyes for a moment before he replied quietly, “I get that.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“But you were doin’ that for you, baby. I didn’t hold you back for you, I held you back for him.”

I felt my eyebrows draw together and I asked, “What?”

“I don’t know your Dad at all. But I know what I’d do, I found out that Oswald kept that from me. Your Dad had to be free to have whatever reaction he wanted to have and not worry about you.”

Okay, I could get that.

However…

“Okay, Sam, but when he was blaming himself, he needed me then.”

“No, honey, you needed him then. He needed to say it, he told you flat out. I didn’t hold you back for the reasons you’re thinkin’. I did it because he had to be free to let that shit go and you weren’t gonna let him.”

This was true.

“Right,” I whispered.

“There it is,” Sam whispered back and there was an unreadable expression on his face, I couldn’t get a lock on it, I just knew it was good.

“There what is?”

“You’re gettin’ to the place I want us to be.”

This time, my head tipped to the side. “What?”

He closed the distance, his hands went to my neck, thumbs to my jaw tipping my head back and his face came to within an inch of mine.

“Fearless,” he murmured.

“Sam, I’m not following.”

“You disagreed with me, you faced your fears, you told me what was on your mind. We disagreed, we talked, we listened. You said you feel safe with me but, Kia, honey, you don’t believe in it. Just now, you took another step toward believing and I gotta tell you, baby, it feels unbelievably f**kin’ good every time you do it when you place a little more trust in me.”

Oh my God.

That was so beautiful. So sweet.

So Sam.

My body swayed into his as my hands that were resting on his waist slid around to wrap around his back and I whispered, “Sam,” but said nothing else because I couldn’t find the words to say.

His hands left my neck and his arms folded around me as he promised quietly, “I’ll earn it all, baby.”

I pressed my lips together, nodded then dipped my chin and did a face plant in his chest.

Sam kissed the top of my head.

And just as I suspected I would never get used to him being so hot, I suspected I would never get used to him being so sweet.

And I really hoped I didn’t.

“We better join the others. Even though I got a week’s allowance of fat sittin’ in my gut, I don’t think it’d be good to dis your Mom on the parfaits at this juncture,” Sam noted, I pulled my face out of his chest and tilted it back to look at him, grinning.

“You would be correct,” I confirmed then asked with curiosity, “You count fat?”

Sam burst out laughing.

I watched and waited patiently for him to finish.

He finally did then answered, telling me something I already knew, “Baby, this body does not come naturally.” Letting me go with one arm but sliding the other one up to my shoulders, he moved to my side before he propelled us to the doors. “But I don’t count fat. You don’t have to count fat to know you’re consuming too much when you eat half a dozen onion rings and go through three napkins doin’ it in order to sop up all the grease.”

He was not wrong about that.

“Told you Mom was a comfort cook,” I muttered as he pushed one of the doors to the dining room open, I pushed the other one and we walked through.

“You did not lie,” I muttered back.

We walked through the dining room and the kitchen but at the backdoor I pulled him to a halt then curled into him and caught his eyes.

“Were you okay with before?” I asked quietly.

“Which before, baby?” he asked back and I laughed softly.

“Well, not the emotional scene with my Dad or the tense scene with Ozzie, the before where half of Heartmeadow came to check you out.”