Intercepted (Page 62)

“What? You just said you aren’t mad at me anymore.”

“I’m not.” I look around the room, trying to find the words to explain how I feel. “I’m not mad at you. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I’m over that, truly. But I can’t be with you.”

There. I said it.

“What? Why?” He grabs my hand and that small touch makes me question myself.

“Listen.” I take a deep breath and pull my hand out of his. He watches the movement and is staring at my hand as I start to talk. “If you would’ve come back the week you left, you would’ve found me on your front porch with my suitcase packed. But over this last month, I’ve realized I’m not ready to be in a relationship.” My eyes start to water. “I’m a mess, Gavin. And as much as I love you, I can’t give you what you deserve when part of me is still damaged from my last relationship.”

“But I can help you.”

“No. You can’t fix me.” I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “I’ve never been alone, Gavin. And as much as I wish I could figure it out with you by my side, I know I can’t. Because you are amazing and you love me and you don’t want to see me struggle, but I need it. I need to figure things out on my own. I need to fix myself without running to you or Chris or my parents. I have to do this by myself. If I don’t, I’m going to end up being a person I hate, and I will resent you.”

God.

I’ve never hated my mom being right more than I do at this very moment.

“I know how strong you are.” He pulls me toward him despite my effort to pull away. “You don’t have to prove it to me.”

“I’m not proving it to you. I’m proving it to me.”

I’ve been preparing for this since he told me he was coming, but nothing could’ve gotten me ready for the feel of his tears as they fall onto my face, or the way he lets his mouth kiss the path his tears travel.

I reach into his hair, feeling the silky locks against my fingertips. It’s one of the things I’ve missed most, besides the feel of his rough beard on my face as we kiss, so I take that too.

I crush my lips to his, tasting both our tears as we try to tell each other through the kiss the things we can’t manage to speak. He tells me to try. I tell him I can’t. He apologizes for his mistakes. I apologize for it ending. And in the end, I thank him for loving me, even though I wasn’t ready to be loved.

We stop kissing but don’t pull away. Watching each other as we let our tears fall openly and freely, mourning together what could have been great, but just wasn’t right.

When our tears have stopped and our breathing has calmed, I rest my arms around him, giving in to the feeling of his arms wrapping me tight one final time.

“I’m so sorry, Gavin,” I whisper.

“Me too,” he whispers into my hair. “You do this and when you’re ready, come find me.”

Then he slowly backs away and opens the door, never letting our eye contact drop, until my door closing in front of him leaves us no choice.

And he’s gone.

Again.

For the last time.

Forty-three

Four Months Later

Eats & Beats is one of the most influential and reputable marketing firms in the country. They’re responsible for all the major promotions for some of the most famous restaurants and nightclubs around the world.

And thanks to the kick-ass work Brynn and I did over the last six months, HERS is their newest client. Even better for me, they loved my work so much, they helped Brynn find a replacement for me and I am the newest member of the Eats & Beats team at their headquarters in New York.

“Hello, Miss Harper,” my boss, Paul, calls to me as I make my way to my desk. “Figuring out the subway, I see.”

“I sure am. Ten minutes early today.” I do a little dance, thrilled to have finally conquered my commute from Jersey to Manhattan.

“I’m very impressed. Leslie was late every day for the first month when she started here.”

“Hey!” Leslie shouts from the coffee machine. “I thought we agreed never to speak of that again. Marlee is at least from a decent-sized city. I came from a town in Iowa with a thousand people and only four stoplights. It was a little overwhelming.”

“Always excuses with that one,” Paul whispers loud enough for her to hear.

It’s only the end of my first week, but I could not love my new job any more. It makes every tear, every second of self-doubt, every second of loneliness worth it. This week has only reaffirmed what I knew was right four months ago when I let Gavin walk away.

I’m a better person now, and I’m crossing my fingers Gavin will be open to seeing it.

“You don’t even need to bother starting your computer. I got an email this morning and we have a meeting with a new restaurant in Soho. Come on, Leslie, you’re coming too.” He throws his briefcase strap over his shoulder. “But we’re taking a cab.”

* * *

• • •

THE RESTAURANT WE go to is a new sushi place with an urban edge. It’s not decorated in the calming colors I’ve come to expect with sushi places, not at all. This place has graffiti painted on the wall, neon lights shining around the room, and the craziest menu I’ve ever seen . . . and thanks to my job, tried.

After we got all our business out of the way, the owners insisted we stay for lunch. Something none of us objected to. I love sushi, but I’m also broke as fuck and will never reject a free lunch.

We’re waiting for the chicken and maple rolls we ordered to arrive when my phone vibrates in my bag. Naomi had a doctor’s appointment today and promised to call me after, so I excuse myself from the table to take the call.

When I step outside and look at the screen, I see a Colorado number I don’t know. My mind shoots right to the worst-case scenario. Something went wrong at the appointment and Naomi is calling me from the hospital.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Marlee?” A deep voice I haven’t heard in months comes from the other end. “It’s Chris. How are you?”

Of all the people in the world? Chris?

“I’m well. How are you?” I step back against the building, avoiding all of the foot traffic around me.

“I’m all right.” He sounds good. Like the Chris I used to know, not the stranger he became. “Listen, Marlee, I know this is going to seem random, but I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.”

“Chris.” I try to stop him.

“No. Please, just let me say this.”

Wow. Please? Big step.

“All right, but I’m at work, so this can’t take long.” I glance at my watch and set a mental timer.

“Thank you.” I can hear him exhale a deep breath into the phone. “I’ve been thinking about the way I treated you. About the way things ended. I want to apologize. You deserved a lot more. You’re the best, most true person I’ve ever had in my life.”

#KnockMeOverWithAFeather

“I always knew it, but after being released from the Mustangs and not being picked up by any other teams, so many people have shown me their true colors. And I know if I hadn’t treated you the way I did, you’d still be standing next to me.”

“I would have. I didn’t love you for football, Chris. I loved you for you,” I say.

“I love you too, Marlee. I always have. It’s why I’m calling. I want another chance.”