Letting Go (Mitchell Family #1)(64)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I would assume it was the next couple of hours, but I couldn’t be sure as time seemed so unimportant. My mother and I managed to move to my father’s bedside. She cried over his body. It hurt to watch her touch him, rub his arms and kiss his lips. I watched her kiss them and hold her mouth on them knowing it would be the last time she felt his warmth. I should have been the one callin’ my family and lettin’ them know the news of my father’s passing, but I just stood there like it was a nightmare I would eventually wake up from.

Soon after, my aunt and Savanna arrived together. My aunt Karen immediately was at my mother’s side with comfort and support. Savanna wrapped her arms around me and told me she was sorry, but I couldn’t say anything back to her.

Sorry? Why did people even say that? Did she kill him? None of this had anything to do with her, or anyone else for that matter. My father was gone. My mother was alone. Everything was now in my hands. I couldn’t worry about helpin’ my uncle with his crops or fightin’ with my cousin over a girl, or even if that girl was really going to be my future. The only thing that was pressing to me was my mother. I had to make sure that she was taken care of. I had to keep the ranch running and not worry about anything else. I couldn’t afford to anymore. My father tried to make me see what was important and I had fought him tooth and nail. He had never approved of my life. I had to do this for him.

Chapter 35

Savanna

When Colt’s father passed away none of us knew what to expect. I tried to be there for him, but there were no words that could ease the pain. His father was gone and that left more than Colt could imagine on his plate. When I decided to come here to be with him, I hadn’t expected this turn of events and I clearly wasn’t prepared for the way Colt would handle things.

I didn’t blame him for being distant, or even shutting down. I knew what it was like to think that the person you loved the most was going to die, but I never had to deal with the death. Ty was going to recover and probably live a long healthy life. In thinking back, I don’t remember Colt ever talking about losing anyone that he loved to death. That could only mean that this was all new.

When Colt and his mother finally came home to the ranch, everyone had done all that they could to be there for them. Many women from their church had brought over casseroles and the refrigerator was filled to capacity. I still hadn’t officially met his mother. It wasn’t my place to throw myself at her at the worst point in her life. Instead, I stayed in the background along side of Ty and did whatever I could to help out.

The first night home, Colt headed to the cabin late. I was just heading upstairs to bed, when he came walking in the door. I got a half smile as he continued walking up the steps into his room. By the time I got there, he had already went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. I sat on the bed and contemplated waiting for him to come back out, but I heard the shower turning on. I missed Colt, but being around him made me nervous. I was so afraid of saying something that would upset him. He wasn’t exactly the kind of guy that wanted to hear people say they were sorry for his loss. Obviously, since he hadn’t said much to me since I told him that.

Reluctantly, I headed into the bathroom. Through the glass shower door, I could see Colt’s arms pressed against the tile as he let the water beat down over his head. He looked so tired and worn down. From days of not shaving his face was covered in large patches of stubble. He had whiskers before, but this was becoming a full beard. He hadn’t noticed me coming into the bathroom, or the fact that I was standing outside of the shower taking off my clothes. I opened the door and stepped in without him even stepping to the side to give me room.

I didn’t say anything to him. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him from the back. Finally he stood up and turned himself around to face me. His eyes were bloodshot and for the first time in all of the years I had known him, he looked terrible. I felt his arms touching my waist, but he wasn’t holding on tight or even pulling me closer like he normally would do. Those big green eyes stared back at me with no expression crossing his face.

I kept looking into his eyes. “I love you.” I whispered, hoping those words were better than saying I was sorry.

Colt closed his eyes and let his head fall against mine. His body started making sudden movements even before I heard the sounds coming from deep within him. He was crying. My hero, the toughest man I knew, couldn’t hold in the painful feelings any longer. He was letting go of it all, while my arms held onto him for dear life.

There was nothing I could say to sooth him. He needed to get it out. He didn’t need to feel ashamed or embarrassed around me. I wanted to be here for this and for anything else that would come our way. Being here for him and seeing what he was going through, made my decision to be with him even easier. This was the life I wanted. This man, who was falling apart as a result of loving someone so much, was who I wanted to be with.

I held Colt and comforted him even as the hot water began to turn cold. I guided him out of the shower and leaned against him as he sat down on the bed. I stroked his hair and waited until the tears stopped coming. He was looking to the floor between his legs, so I positioned myself on my knees between them. “Colt, are you okay baby?”

He brought his hand up and touched my cheek. “I never got to tell him. He didn’t know. It’s too late.”

I pulled myself up into his arms and squeezed him tight. I wasn’t exactly sure what he needed to tell his dad, but he was pretty hurt about it. “I am sure he loved you.”

“Savanna please don’t tell me how my own father felt about me. You didn’t even know him. You have no idea what our relationship was like.” He said rudely.

I felt like I wanted to puke. I was being so supportive. How could he turn around and have such an unkind reaction to me? Had I said something that was so horrible to him?

“Excuse me for trying to support you!” I said as I pulled away from him even more.

“I can’t do this right now.” He said as he stood up from the bed, almost knocking me back on my butt. He grabbed some clothes and put them on as he was walking out of the bedroom door.

I felt hurt, but understood he was just upset. I couldn’t blame him for putting a wall up. He was only human. While I waited for him to come back up to the bedroom, I grabbed one of his t-shirts and put it on over my head. After another five minutes of waiting, I heard the front door slamming shut.

My feet hit the floor and started running down the stairs before I even realized what I was going to say to him. When I got down the steps all I saw was Ty. He was heading toward the front door.